July 2, 2004
If being a Wimbledon ball-boy is one of the cushiest jobs in the world, then this must be one of the worst -- Abu Hamza's bottom wiper.
The Muslim extremist -- dubbed Hook -- has no hands and is unable to look after his own personal hygiene in Belmarsh jail.
So, says the Mirror, he has got a £30,000-a-year nurse, called Harry, whose job it is to do it for him.
"He's known as Dirty Harry," a prison source says. "This guy has got one of the worst jobs in the world. His main reason for being there is to clean Hamza's backside.
"Everyone's having a laugh about it, but Hamza can't be left unclean. It would be a health hazard."
Hamza has had his two metal hooks removed and been given two special £5,000 replacements because it was feared he could use the originals as weapons.
But how bad is the food in Belmarsh prison that Hook requires a full-time bum wiper? And who is this mysterious Harry?
UPDATE (20100: Abu Hook remains in Belmarsh Prison while the United States tries to secure his extridition to be tried on crimes there.
For a full backstory and more updates on the leaking sack o' shit that is Abu Hamza, click here to visit the Wikipedia page about him.
as Official Ass-Wiper Harry will confirm.