Cinema Steve

Hotel California revisited....

2012-02-03T00:03:00.000-08:00

I've said that "Hotel California" is a great song that has never properly been captured in a music video. That still holds true, although the one you can watch below comes close.

It's just a shame it was made to support fairly weak cover by an performer who goes by the name TQ... and that it is a bit under-produced in spots. (Some shots look like they were designed for special effects to be tricked in, yet none are present.)

Still, it warrants a 5/10 rating, which is better than most you'll come across.

Eleven months to go!

2012-02-02T01:22:00.000-08:00

Well... January 2012 is behind us, and we're still here.

The ancient Mayans, those wise people who, between brutal and gory human sacrifices, found time to supposedly determine that the world will end this year (even if they couldn't narrow it down to a specific month or year. However, they have eleven more months to be proven right!

Or maybe there are eleven more months to prove that the Mayan Calendar no more predicted the End of the World than my 2005 Art of Masamune Shirow Calendar did when it ran out of pages. And eleven more months to prove that those who believe otherwise are idiots.

Whatever the case ends up being, here's a song celebrating that the End of the World has been delayed by at least one month.

High point (and en pointe) of Numa-Numa craze?

2012-01-24T01:44:00.000-08:00

The Numa-Numa craze mostly passed me by a few years ago, but recently I've been delving into the creations that came out of it every now and then.

Out of all the "Numa=Numa" clips I've looked at, I think this one--featuring a ballet dancer performing a hilarious "Numa-Numa" routine--might be the most impressive of them all.

It's worth watching for the en pointe Moon-Walk alone. :)

Occupy Sundance!

2012-01-19T00:02:00.000-08:00

Every so often, someone has to step up and remind me not to be an arrogant prick. I need that reminder, because being an arrogant prick comes oh-so-easily to me!

The most recent reminder was provided yesterday after I made a comment about a film's title (“Occupy Wall St: The Revolution Is Inspiring” by Tim Schwartz), which I find anything but inspiring. I overstepped when I then commented negatively on the film itself, which was unfair and uncalled for, because I've not seen it.

A representative for the Occupy Sundance Film Festival, where the short film in question is slated to be screened Jan. 21 - Jan. 24, stepped up and politely called me on my film-reviewing misdeed. Not only that, but the person provided me with the link to the Occupy Sundance Film Festival website, so I could see the movie I had slammed.

As it turned out, not only was my pre-judgement of "Occupy Wall St: The Revolution is Inspiring" uncalled for, but it was unfair in the extreme. This is actually a very well done short-form documentary.

Unlike the garbage produced by the likes of Michael Moore and Newt Gingrinch's Super PAC, Tim Schwartz has actually made a real documentary that presents scenes as they unfolded, without distortion and editing together unrelated clips to make things appear as something other than they weren't. Schwartz presents Occupy Wall Street scenes honestly and without distortion. People like me, who found the whole Occupy Movement a hollow joke, will keep shaking their heads... and those who found it inspiring will be inspired; it's not a film that will change minds, but it will convey the atmosphere present.

That said, I found the whole film amusing and, despite my contempt for the subject matter, the 30 seconds or so were quite moving. And that is why I feel grateful for the anonymous publicist who stepped up and showed me I was being a jerk.

"Occupy Wall St: The Revolution is Inspiring" is a well-done bit of film-making. (Next, I shall have to watch "Hot Chicks of Occupy Wall Street," another of the scheduled offerings. THAT is an effective title... and I hope the film lives up to it!)

For more information about the Occupy Sundance alternative film festival, click here. To watch the movies online, click the blue "movies playing" button and then on the film titles.

Stop SOPA/PiPA

2012-01-18T04:51:00.000-08:00

I'm not doing anything out of the ordinary on the Cinema Steve blogs for this "black-out day" in protest over the disgustingly ignorant and anti-Constitutional censorship bills making their way through Congress and the Senate, because I've been speaking out against both such things (and similar censorship efforts) AND online piracy for years. That, and I'd hate to be mistaken as a fellow traveler to at least one hypocrite I've seen who likes to post lovingly about the notion of the Fairness Doctrine, yet is "blacked out" today.

That said... I sincerely hope that ANYONE who is against these bills will vote against EVERY SINGLE senator and representative who voiced support for and/or put their names to these atrocities. You can as cute as you want with your blogs and website today, but it means nothing if you don't follow through the next time these assholes are put for re-election.

Here are the 30 sponsors of the Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA, H.R.3261) who need to be thrown out of office ASAP:

Rep. Lamar Smith [R-TX]
Mark Amodei [R-NV]
Joe Baca [D-CA]
John Barrow [D-GA]
Karen Bass [D-CA]
Howard Berman [D-CA]
Marsha Blackburn [R-TN]
Mary Bono Mack [R-CA]
John Carter [R-TX]
Steven Chabot [R-OH]
Judy Chu [D-CA]
John Conyers [D-MI]
Jim Cooper [D-TN]
Ted Deutch [D-FL1]
Elton Gallegly [R-CA]
Robert Goodlatte [R-VA]
Tim Griffin [R-AR]
Tim Holden [D-PA]
Peter King [R-NY]
John Larson [D-CT]
Ben Luján [D-NM]
Thomas Marino [R-PA]
Alan Nunnelee [R-MS]
William Owens [D-NY]
Dennis Ross [R-FL]
Steve Scalise [R-LA]
Adam Schiff [D-CA]
Brad Sherman [D-CA]
Lee Terry [R-NE]
Debbie Wasserman Schultz [D-FL]
Melvin Watt [D-NC]

Here are the 40 sponsors of Preventing Real Online Threats to Economic Creativity and Theft of Intellectual Property Act of 2011 (PiPA, S.968) who likewise need to be forced out of Washington D.C. ASAP:

Sen. Patrick Leahy [D, VT]
Lamar Alexander [R, TN]
Kelly Ayotte [R, NH]
Michael Bennet [D, CO]
Jeff Bingaman [D, NM]
Richard Blumenthal [D, CT]
Roy Blunt [R, MO]
John Boozman [R, AR]
Sherrod Brown [D, OH]
Benjamin Cardin [D, MD]
Robert Casey [D, PA]
Saxby Chambliss [R, GA]
Thad Cochran [R, MS]
Chris Coons [D, DE]
Bob Corker [R,TN]
Richard Durbin [D, IL]
Michael Enzi [R, WY]
Dianne Feinstein [D, CA]
Al Franken [D, MN]
Kirsten Gillibrand [D, NY]
Lindsey Graham [R, SC]
Charles Grassley [R, IA]
Kay Hagan [D, NC]
Orrin Hatch [R, UT]
John Isakson [R, GA]
Tim Johnson [D, SD]
Amy Klobuchar [D, MN]
Herbert Kohl [D, WI]
Mary Landrieu [D, LA]
Joseph Lieberman [I, CT]
John McCain [R, AZ]
Robert Menéndez [D, NJ]
Bill Nelson [D, FL]
James Risch [R, ID]
Marco Rubio [R, FL]
Charles Schumer [D, NY]
Jeanne Shaheen [D, NH]
Tom Udall [D, NM]
David Vitter [R, LA]
Sheldon Whitehouse [D, RI]

Remember these names and what they support. Otherwise any cute "protest" you're stating today will mean absolutely nothing. Vote against them next time you have the chance. Get rid of them if you value your rights as an American citizen.

For more info, or to write your representative, click here. (That said, I am of the opinion that anyone who would put their name to bills like this doesn't care what you or I think. And I'm already seeing evidence of it, such as Lamar Smith stating that he's removed some of the more objectionable provisions of his bill... but if you read closer, you see that it HASN'T really removed then; he's just taking them out for "further study." Trust me... once the heat is off, they're going back in, and he and his fellow censors and would-be oppressors will represent the bill exactly as they wanted it to be in the first place. The only solution here is to GET RID OF EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM.)

My Dream Job!

2012-01-11T21:00:00.000-08:00

Dear Homeland Security Director (the REAL one... not that phony one that testifies in front of Congress),

My name is Steve Miller, and this Reuters story about how you have an entire Command Center of people who do nothing but sit around and visit websites all day, got me all excited. In case the many posts praising the holy leaders of Iran and Osama bin Laden, the many posts criticizing Obama, and the talk of RPGs has attracted the attention of your hard-working web-surfers, I want to apply for a position among them!

I would love to get a civil service job and a government pension when I retired after 25 years of sitting in my office and surfing the web all day long. And I know that I would be a motivated and dedicated worker.

I would particularly love to watch movies on Hulu and funny videos on YouTube. It would also be lots of fun to catch up on the news of the day on any number of sites. And constantly updating my Facebook status would be especially exciting. I think my blogs speak for themselves, as far as my ability to waste time on the web.

Feel free to contact me here or however you see fit. If you decide to send an unmarked car to my home or office and sweep me away to an undisclosed location, I prefer non-fat white chocolate mochas, although I will take coffee with milk and sugar as well.

Hoping for the interview in an "undisclosed location",

Sincerely,

Steve Miller

PS: To show my good will, here's a fun cover of "I Always Feel Like Somebody's Watching Me."

And for those of you with a love of the classics, here's the original 1984 Rockwell version... with new visuals for the 21st century.

Favorite TV Shows

2012-01-02T11:41:00.000-08:00

While driving to the office today, I heard a radio host talking about a list of favorite and least favorite TV shows broken down by conservative and liberal viewers. I figured I'd offer my list of favorites, which doesn't match the choices of either campt (except for a single program). I guess that means that I am still a follower of "common sense" and Steveism, as I've been claiming for years. Right and left be damned.

My Ten Favorite Television Series

1. Burn Notice
2. CSI: (Las Vegas... and I'm loving Ted Danson on it)
3. NCIS
4. Eureka
5. Leverage
6. Dr. Who
7. In Plain Sight (which will be cancelled after 8 episodes this year...boo!)
8. Psych
9. Royal Pains
10. Sanctuary

Falco and Fred are 'Puttin on the Ritz'

2011-12-30T16:15:00.000-08:00

Tips on how to party like it's 1929 as you celebrate New Years.

First up... Taco (and this is apparently the controversial original edit of the video.)

Fred Astaire, master of the debonaire.

And then there's this guy....

Why Santa may not have been to your house (yet)

2011-12-25T03:13:00.000-08:00

I hope everyone had a Happy Christmas or possibly even a Joyous Chrismakwanzaka. If there are those out there who Santa hasn't visited yet (like me... sigh), he was delayed in California.

Santa was arrested after allegedly insulting a female police officer when he said "Ho, Ho, Ho!" after she stopped him over to make sure he had the proper licenses and business permits to operate an aircraft powered by flying raindeer in California air-space.

Santa, however, was not going to be kept from his Christmas Eve rounds, even by the people in the Land of Fruits and Nuts.... and he soon made his escape from jail and was back on the job!

to transport flying raindeer over California

Santa's Christmas Surprise!

2011-12-21T22:10:00.000-08:00

Actress Kate Hackett went to the mall to have her picture taken with Santa. She posted the result to her Facebook page.... :)

Click here to visit Ms. Hackett's official website, and here for stills from her TV projects and samples of her modeling work.

Kim-Jong Il dead at 69

2011-12-18T20:08:00.000-08:00

Kim Jong Il, North Korea's mercurial dictator has died. He was 69.

Kim has checked out.

A tearful television announcer reported the news on North Korean television. According to that report, the cause of the dead was "overwork" from his dedication to his people (and keeping them on the brink of starvation while neighboring countries enjoyed economic boom times).

According to sources who wish to remain anonymous. Lil' Kim breathed a sigh of relief upon hearing the news. She had reportedly been living in fear that Kim would take to rapping professionally and sue her for the name that by all rights should be his.

South Korean television reported that Kim had died during a train trip. They did not conform if he had died from overwork or not.

In honor of Kim's memory, we here at Cinema Steve suggests everyone buy a copy of "ROLF!: The Breast Hope for Peace" which details his heroic struggle against terrorists and Martians along side Barack Obama, Chuck Norris, and Huda the Bikini-clad Wonder of World Peace.

Students Occupy Boston (Students)!

2011-12-17T12:33:00.002-08:00

Students Occupy Boston Yes, yes they do.

Occupy Boston Students. I wouldn't recommend it. Such activities got Roman Polanski, Jerry Sandusky, and who knows how many members of the Catholic Clergy in trouble.

But to be as smart and informed as the members of (Students) Occupy Boston (Students), get your 2011 Year in Review ala ROLF! collection for just $3.00! All proceeds go to making my Christmas a little merrier!

Eduardo Barreto dead at 57

2011-12-15T12:37:00.000-08:00

Eduardo Barreto, an artist whose work graced a range of DC Comics titles in the 1980s and 1990s has passed away. He was 57.

The cause of death has yet to be announced, but Barreto stepped back from the comic strip work he'd been doing for King Features syndicate last year after contracting meningitis, but in July of this year he started work on "The Phantom" comic strip.

I've been a big fan of Barreto since first encountering his work in "Atari Force." I had one of his drawings slated to appear in the Wonder Woman tribute series at Shades of Gray (and it will; next Wednesday). I will have to assemble a greater "exhibit" of his work.

Joe Simon dead at 98

2011-12-15T10:44:00.000-08:00

Joe Simon, co-creator of such characters as Captain America, the Golden Age Sandman AND Silver Age Sandman, the Fly, Fighting American, and hundreds more, has died at age 98, according to his son’s posting on Facebook. He was 98, having just celebrated his birthday this past October.

The two Sandman characters and Fighting American rank among my favorite comics characters, and many of Simon's one-offs are also favorites. Heck, there are probably comics stories I love that he did and I'm just not aware of or remembering.

Together with his partner Jack Kirby, Simon revolutionized the superhero, horror, and romance genres — there pretty much wouldn’t be comics as we know them without the work of these two.

Completed Collection: Savage Sickos

2011-12-14T12:02:00.000-08:00

With the advent of cheap home video cameras, filmmaking became cheaper and easier than ever before. With the arrival even digital home video cameras, filmmaking became even cheaper and easier than ever before.... one didn't even need real editing equipment to assemble a movie!

Starting in the late 1990s and continuing through the 2000s, horror and thriller fans were "treated" to a tsunami of cheap and badly made movies as everyone with some spare time and a few friends tried their hands at filmmaking.

The six-movie set "Savage Sickos" offers a sampling of such amateur films, a sampling that ranges from so-so to absolutely awful. It's a set for aspiring filmmakers to check out so they can see what NOT to do when making their movies. (Half of the films in the set are from Ryan Cavalline, a writer/director who made an earnest go at making real movies... between the years of 2002 and 2008, he wrote, produced and/or directed eight horror films.)

Savage Sickos Collection: 3/10 Overall Rating

Dead Body Man (3/10)

Demon Slaughter (3/10)

Disk Jockey (4/10)

Skyggen (1/10)

Slaughtered (0/10)

When Heaven Comes Down (3/10)

(Click on the titles to read reviews on the various Cinema Steve blogs.)

What part of 'all-American' don't they get?

2011-12-10T00:30:00.000-08:00

I think the ninnies who are up in arms over this latest bit of gunk from the "reality show" sewage treatment plant are missing the point, which is expressed, up front, in the show's title "All-American Muslim."

Deputy Chief Mike Jaafar, shown here in uniform. All-American Muslim.

According to Deadline Hollywood -- ‘All-American Muslim’ Loses Advertiser: The docu reality series has lost a major advertiser, Lowe’s, after a campaign by conservative watchdog the Florida Family Association. “The show profiles only Muslims that appear to be ordinary folks while excluding many Islamic believers whose agenda poses a clear and present danger to liberties and traditional values that the majority of Americans cherish," the group posted on its website.

Terrorist Jihadi assholes like Nidal Hassan, Samir Khan, Anwar al-Awlaki, Zachary Chesser, Jose Padilla, Adam "Goat Fucker" Gadahn, and Abu Mansoor Al-Amriki can hardly be described as "all-American." Fortunately, most on that list can be described as "dead" and others as "Bubba's Prison Bitch", but that doesn't change my point: Those assholes are only Americans because their passports say so. They devoted themselves to the destruction of all Americans, so they can hardly be described as "all-American."

Psychopathic Jihadists and those who fantasize about making sweet, sweet love to them are not the subject of "All-American Muslim", as the very title of the show makes clear.

Chief al-Qaeda Zoophile Adam Gadahn,
shown with a table cloth from Gino's Restaurante Italiano on his head.
NOT an All-American Muslim.

Maybe instead of calling for boycotts and trying to stifle free expression the Florida Family Association could direct their energies toward making their own crappy reality show about the self-destructive deviants committed to Jihad?

Then again... real thought and real work would have to go into such a project. I doubt active members of the Florida Family Association spend much time doing either.

Not that I necessarily recommend this or any other reality show (although this is a "docu series" wink-wink), but "All-American Muslim" airs Sundays on TLC. Click here to visit the official site for previews and broadcast times.

Music Video Greats: Walking on Broken Glass

2011-12-03T00:01:00.000-08:00

I'm in an 18th century/Mozart kinda mood tonight, as I finish the cover for "ROLF!: Sonata for Sirens in G Major", NUELOW Games' little celebration of Mozart's upcoming birthday. That made me think of one of the great music videos of all time.

Walking on Broken Glass (1992)
Starring: Annie Lennox, Hugh Laurie, and John Malkovich
Director: Sophie Muller

Made to promote Lennox's "Diva" album in 1992, this video for "Walking on Broken Glass" is set during a party for nobles in the 18th century. It features John Malkovich (who starred in "Dangerous Liaisons"), Hugh Laurie (who played Prince George in the "Blackadder" series, and he seems to be playing the same character here), and, of course, Annie Lennox, as Laurie's date for the event who is far more interested in winning back the affections of Malkovich's character, much to Laurie's embarrassment.

A great song with a great video that tells a story AND fits perfectly with the music.

'Dummy' is a feel-good flick

2011-12-02T12:22:00.000-08:00

Dummy (2002)
Starring: Adrian Brody, Milla Jovovich, Illeana Douglas, Vera Farmiga, and Jared Harris
Director: Greg Pritikin
Rating: Eight of Ten Stars

Pushing 30 and still living at home with his parents, Steven (Brody) finds inspiration to give direction to his so-far aimless life in an old movie and sets out to become a professional ventriloquist. Along the way, the lives of his best friend (Jovovich), his sister (Douglas), and unemployment adviser (Farmiga) are transformed and improved as well.

"Dummy" is one of those smart, arty comedies that in my experience are either completely miss the mark and become either boring or depressing, or are very, very entertaining; I don't recall ever seeing one of these films fall into a middleground... although given the number of films I see, it's possible that one was just so mediocre it has faded from mind.

"Dummy" is neither boring, nor depressing, or mediocre. It's an excellent film is every possible way, with quirky characters that never feel artificial or forced, even when each and every one of their lives turn around from miserable states of loserhood to successes. In just about every way, this film feels like a modern version of some of those 1930s and 1940s comedies where everyone is struggling or is miserable in one way or another, but by the end everyone is happy. It's a great fantasy flick that way, a very uplifting, feel-good picture.

Everyone of the stars is excellent in the film. Adrien Brody in particular is remarkable in the way he manages to play a weak and milquetoast character and still commands the center of the picture at all times. And this is no small feat, because he's competing for our attention with a flamboyant and hilarious character portrayed by Milla Jovovich--Fangora, his life-long, socially maladjusted best friend who hasn't progressed much emotionally or socially since high school and is even still trying to make a go at being a rock star with an awful garage band.

As a character, Fangora is far more interesting than Steven, her character arc has a lot more comedy to it, and Jovovich is great in the part; if you've only ever seen her in "Resident Evil" and similar recent action films, you don't know what she's capable of as an actress until you see one of her more offbeat pictures like this one. But, despite everything pointing to the audience wanting her to be the center of the film--and wanting to get back to her story thread whenever were dealing with Steven and his romantic struggles with his single-mother employment adviser, or his attempts to shield his sister from her abusive ex--Brody is equally great in his part... infusing the whole movie with such humanity that his character remains the focus of our attention, despite it all. (Although I must say that when it came to the film's climax, it was Jovovich's Fangora and her band that I found myself more interested in, just because their path to possible success was so fun and outrageous. And to say any more would be a major spoiler and would ruin some of the film's funniest jokes.)

Much credit for this, of course, goes to writer/director Greg Pitikin for crafting the movie so perfectly, and for the excellent cast supporting Brody and Jovovich were surrounded by. Every right note is hit at the right moment, and everything is constantly clicking.

Except for the very last moment of the film. Literally, those final few seconds cost "Dummy" a full star, knocking it down from a high Nine rating to an Eight.

Earlier, I mentioned that this film a great piece of fantasy, and I meant that in the sense that it's one of those stories that makes one wish real life worked like this... where everything works out in the end for everyone, even the bad guys. Unfortunately, Pitikin took the fantasy aspect just one step too far at the very end, appearing to imbue Steven's dummy with some sort of magical quality. It's a move that seems out of step with everything that has gone before.

Despite one stumble at the end, this is a film that's well worth seeking out and checking out.

The Jovovich fans out there may be interested in taking a look at the Milla Jovovich Quarterly series at Shades of Gray.

Best-selling NUELOW Games titles in November

2011-11-30T12:01:00.000-08:00

Here are the best-selling titles for NUELOW Games this month. Our sales were not quite as strong as in October, and I don't think the Thanksgiving sale made a difference one way or the other; our prices are already so low that knocking a bit off the price won't entice anyone that wasn't going to buy anyway.

Next year, i think I'll just say, "Look! We've got stuff on sale for Black Friday!" (because we've got stuff on sale every day as it is....)

Still, it was a decent month... and I thank you all for your support. Please stick around.

Also, if you've got a short, rules-light RPG, get in touch. We'd love to add some gaming variety to our line-up.

NUELOW Games Best-sellers for November

1. ROLF!: Nine Days of the Ninja, by Steve Miller (Game Supplement)

2. Shanghaied Mitts, by Robert E. Howard (Short story collection)

3. ROLF!: Playwrights and Piledrivers, by Steve Miller (Game Supplement)

4. ROLF!: Day of the Turkey, by Steve Miller (Game Supplement)

5. Fists of Foolishness, including the Violent Worlds of Robert E. Howard RPG, by Robert E. Howard, Steve Miller, and L.L. Hundal (Fiction anthology/Core game)

6. ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game of Big Dumb Fighters, by L.L. Hundal and Steve Miller (Core game)

7. ROLF!: Supermodel Slapfest, by L.L. Hundal and Steve Miller (Game Supplement)

8. ROLF!: Icing Oetzi, by Steve Miller and L.L. Hundal (Game Supplement)

9. ROLF!: Gaddafi's Angels, by Steve Miller and L.L. Hundal (Game Supplement)

10. ROLF!: Herbert West vs. the Zombies, by Steve Miller (Game Supplement)

Jailbird Parade: Man Sues Couple He Took Hostage

2011-11-29T23:11:00.000-08:00

From the Kansas City News, via KMBC: Kansas Man Sues Couple He Took Hostage.

I'm inferring from the linked article about Dirtbag Dimmick that he is representing himself in the breach-of-contract lawsuit against the people held hostage. If I'm right, then he has an idiot for a client. If I'm wrong, is there a way to petition to have his attorney disbarred?

Jesse "Dirtbag" Dimmick is also thinking about suing his dermatologist

Completed Collection: Drop Dead Gore-geous

2011-11-29T02:12:00.000-08:00

This is another one of those budget-priced packages that gives you exactly what you pay for: You pay a cut-rate, you get four cut-rate movies.

The main attraction in this set, as well as the best film in the bunch, is "Kiss Daddy Goodnight." It's Uma Thurman's first film role... and while it may be the best out of the four, it's still pretty damn awful. There's nothing to recommend this collection, since every film in it is also available in much larger sets where you'll actually get a good movie or three along with the crap.

Drop Dead Gore-geous: 3/10 Overall Rating

Birds of Prey (1/10)
Kiss Daddy Goodnight (3/10)
Little Corey Gorey (4/10)
Slash Dance (2/10)

(Click on the titles to read reviews on the various Cinema Steve blogs.)

NUELOW's fiction available at discount prices!

2011-11-27T16:35:00.000-08:00

Through the end of Monday, November 28, the fiction anthologies I've produced for NUELOW Games are on sale at a reduced price, what with it being "Cyber Monday" and all. This is also in celebration of the newly launched DriveThruFiction.com website, which is the exclusive outlet for NUELOW Games' pdf-format fiction anthologies.

Each of these ebooks (great for reading on the iPad or even an iPod Touch, and compatible with some models of the Amazon's Kindle) are currently priced at $1.50, no matter what the usual sales price is.

Click the titles below for more information on each book, and to purchase your copy for download. Help feed my hungry cats during this holday season, and get yourself some excellent reading material in the process!

Alice in Blunderland by John Kendrick Bangs (Humor/Political Satire): The Mad Hatter takes Alice for a visit in the perfect city he's founded... a place where everyone is perfect, because the laws are made to make politicians look good, to keep the rich prosperous, and the powerful powerful. (Sound like anywhere you know?)

Houseboat on the River Styx by John Kendrick Bangs and Steve Miller (Humor/Fantasy): A classic work of humor takes on new life as writer/editor Steve Miller "remasters" Bangs' "A Houseboat on the River Styx" and "In Pursuit of the Houseboat" into a single outrageous volume. Every owner of the book is garuenteed membership in the Associated Shades of Hades once they "cross over." Just don't tell William Shakespeare that "everything is better with Bacon" when you arrive.

Fists of Foolishness: The Tales of Sea-faring Boxing Champ Steve Costigan by Robert E. Howard (Humor/Adventure): Journey back to the 1920s and the seedy waterfront districts of the world's port towns for ten comedic misadventures from the typewriter and mind of the creator of Conan the Barbarian. Includes a complete roleplaying game, "The Violent Worlds of Robert E. Howard"!

Shanghaied Mitts: More Tales of Sea-Faring Boxing Champ Steve Costigan by Robert E. Howard (Humor/Adventure): Eleven more of Steve Costigans misadventures are chronicled, as he takes on all comers, including Mexican bandits, Chinese warlords, industrial spies, and con-artists. Includes an adventure for use with "The Violent Worlds of Robert E. Howard", or for stand-alone solo play.

The Deadly Sword of Cormac by Robert E. Howard (Historical Adventure/Fantasy): During the Third Crusades, there was a renegade Knight so fierce that he was feared by Moslems and Crusaders alike. His name was Cormac FiztGeoffrey. This book collects both novelletes that Howard wrote featuring Cormac.

Names in the Black Book: Three Nightmarish Mysteries by Robert E. Howard (Horror/Mystery): A trio of horror-drenched, hard-boiled detective mysteries.

White Fell and Other Stories by Clemence Housman and Robert E. Howard: Four off-beat horror stories that see lycanthropes clawing a bloody swath from the frozen wilds of Scandinavia, through the dark forests of central Europe, and to the sun-baked veldt of Africa.

The best Hotel California cover (together with a great spoof)!

2011-11-23T02:22:00.000-08:00

The video isn't much to write home about, but DAMN if this isn't a great performance and arrangement of a great song! Mostly instrumental, it captures all the beauty and creepiness of the classic Eagles song and gives it an entirely new and fresh life.

Leading the performance is Iranian musician Farhad Besharati, playing a Kanun, a traditional Persian 78-stringed instrument that has a reputation of being one of the hardest instruments to master in the world.

And on the flip-side... we have this (a "Hotel California spoof by Cliff Darby with a vaguely similar sound that made me laugh, and which I've posted to my Facebook page but not here):

My cool new look...

2011-11-19T07:43:00.000-08:00

It will persist until that eye no longer looks like an Occupy Wall Street protester crapped in it just before one of NYPD's finest pepper-sprayed me.

As they say in Occupy Tortuga...

Speaker: Yarr.

Crowd: Yarr.

No posts on any of my blogs this week.

2011-11-17T09:19:00.001-08:00

I am having really bad eye trouble. Hopefully, tomorrow's trip to the doctor will start to make things better.

I hope you'll check in at some point in the future.

The day when everything went to eleven!

2011-11-11T23:11:00.000-08:00

Shakespeare may or may not have been a fraud....but this movie's marketing sure is

2011-11-10T01:55:00.000-08:00

Anonymous (2011)
Starring: Rhys Ifans, Sebastian Armesto, Edward Hogg, Vanessa Redgrave, David Thewlis, Jamie Campbell Bower, Joely Richardson, Xavier Samuel, Sam Reid, Paolo De Vita, Trystan Gravelle, Rafe Spall, and Derek Jacobi
Director: Roland Emmerich
Rating: Six of Ten Stars

Edward, the Earl of Oxford (Ifans), is a brilliant and obsessive writer and poet, who is forced to keep his art secret due to circumstances of birth and the machinations of power-broker William Cecil (Thewlis). But his love of theater becomes overwhelming, and he seeks out a talented but struggling playwright, Ben Johnson (Armesto) to serve as his "beard." The play goes awry when Johnson hesitates and hack actor and all-around low-life Will Shakespeare (Spall) steps in and steals the credit. As Oxford turns from play-writing to politics in order to support his friends and proteges, the Earls of Essex and Southhampton (Reid and Samuel), playwrights and nobles alike are swept up in deadly and hidden machinations over who will take the throne of England after the death of Queen Elizabeth I (Redgrave).

The film's tagline and ad campaign drew me in. "Was Shakespeare a Fraud?" is an intriguing question for one such as myself who has enjoyed many different stagings of his plays over the years, and who loves the running gag in "Houseboat on the River Styx" about Shakespeare not being the author of his plays. However, this is ultimately a very small part of the film, which is primarily concerned with a chain of events that leads to the events known as the Essex Rebellion and behind-the-scenes machinations of the Cecils, a wealthy family of commoners. And, of course, the brilliance of Oxford as a writer.

The film, in fact, makes such a big deal out of how brilliant Oxford is that is ends up undermining its own conspiracy theory about Shakespeare taking credit for his work. According to the story, a number of plays attributed to Shakespeare were written by Oxford when he was just a boy and performed at Queen Elizabeth's court. In fact, the plays were seen by so many people that it strains credibility that when they start showing up in theaters and later performed at Elizabeth's court again that no-one remembers them from years before. In other words, within the universe of the film, Oxford's secret identity as a playwright is one of the worst kept secrets in all of England.

The credibility of the film is further undermined by glaring historical inaccuracies, ones that even non-history buffs or non-Shakespeare scholars will pick up on, with the most glaring of these being "Macbeth" presented as written and performed during the reign of Queen Elizabeth when it was wasn't written until King James was on the throne.

Now, the screenwriter has stated in interviews that he made those errors intentionally as a homage to Shakespeare... and they can further be excused by the fact that the film is presented within a Shakespeare-like framework with a presenter taking to the stage before and after the main events of the film, thus clearly framing it as a work of fiction where shadows may or may not offend. Nonetheless, if you're going to write a movie presenting the thesis that the greatest creative force to ever work in the English language wasn't who history records him to be--no matter how tangential that ultimately ends up being to the thrust of your story--it behooves you to actually present a little historical accuracy as far as his works go. Especially when in the case of Macbeth, there's no reason for the discordant note to be struck.

Aside from the glaring historical inaccuracies, this is an accomplished film. It is well-acted, beautifully shot, and expertly paced. The story structure is unnecessarily convoluted--as it's got a framing sequence within the framing sequence of the narrator on stage in a theater, and then adds frequent flashbacks within the main story just to add a possibility of confusing the audience--but the film is long enough that viewers get acclimated to the jumps back and forth after the first couple of times, so it turns out to be less or a drawback than it seems at first. The way character traits were conveyed through props and costuming was also impressive, with the fact that Earl of Oxfords fingers were always stained with ink while Shakespeare's were always perfectly clean was a particularly nice touch.

This is not a film for everyone; some will find it way too talky, and I suspect it might be painful to sit through if you've put any real time and effort into Shakespeare scholarship (given the inaccuracies a yahoo like me could spot without even trying), but if you're a regular viewer of "Masterpiece Theater," I suspect it might be right up your ally.

I'm still going to stick with the Shakespeare authorship theories put forth by John Kendrick Bangs, however.

Don't panic! It's only a test! The Red Chinese have NOT landed! Nor have the Martians!

2011-11-09T07:57:00.000-08:00

A little later today, Wednesday November 9, there will be nation-wise test of the emergency broadcast system. You can read a short article about it by clicking here: National test to verify emergency system

You can find the event described in great detail at FEMA's website by clicking here.

The government is concerned that there are idiots out there who will assume this is a REAL emergency, in part because some local cable and over-the-air broadcasters might be too lazy or incompetent to provide graphics or long enough screen crawls that will make it clear that the activation of the network (today at 11am on the west coat and 2pm on the east coast, which is the same time due to the magic of time zones) is just a test. Of course, many of these are the same people who expected rioting in the streets and cities aflame when UHF stations switched to digital broadcasting, so one has to take their low opinion of the American public into a account.

One also has to wonder what sort of test of a central emergency alert broadcast system is so sloppily run that they haven't taken the time to show that they can actually broadcast. Wouldn't a true test of the system be one where a graphic or screen-crawl stating "This is ONLY A TEST!" transmitted from a central location for the 30 seconds the test will take?

At any rate, unless you see Martian War Machine vaporizing your neighbors, see the Red Chinese Army parachuting into the parking lot at the mall, or zombies shambling down Main Street (although you may have to look closely on that last one... you might mistake a bunch of Occupy Whatever Comes to Mind campers for zombies, or visa-versa), the 30-second disruption of your favorite radio and television shows IS ONLY A TEST.

(Although some cable providers--like Time Warner--have warned that viewers may have to change the channel or regularly programming won't resume. Which makes one wonder who those cable broadcasters survive the local tests of the EAS....)

Nine Days of the Ninja 2011!

2011-11-09T01:01:00.000-08:00

The Nine Days of the Ninja Blogaton is almost over! But there's still time for you join in with a ninjtastic post or three! Put something ninja-related on your blog and send the link to me at stevemillermail(at [@])gmail.com.

Like the neigh-invisible Ninja, Nine Days of the Ninja has appeared suddenly and without warning! It's a blogathon that's one of the web's best kept secrets!

Okay... so I kinda dropped the ball in promoting it... BUT if anyone out there wants to participate, send me links to any reviews of or commentary on Ninja movies or comics, or if you have Ninja art or anything else Ninja you want to put forward, I will link to it in this post. Just email me the link.

As for me, I will be posting at least one Ninja-related post each day between now and November 9th on one of the blogs that make up the Cinema Steve Network. Like those written by others, I will be linking to them in this post.

Nine Days of the Ninja: Day One
Ten Ninjas from TV (Craig Edwards of Let's Get Out of Here!)
Movie Review: Ninjas vs. Zombies - at Terror Titans

Nine Days of the Ninja: Day Two
In the Video Vault of Mora Tau: "Sho Kosugi's Ninja Theater" (Craig Edwards of Let's Get Out of Here!)
Picture Perfect Wednesday: Here Be Ninja Babes! - at Shades of Gray
ROLF! Combat Maneuver: Kung Fu Face - at the NUELOW Games Blog

Nine Days of the Ninja: Day Three
A Public Service Announcement from Lee Van Cleef, the Master! (Craig Edwards of Let's Get Out of Here!)
Movie Reviews: The Mystery of 'Ninja Death' - at Watching the Detectives

Nine Days of the Ninja: Day Four
Movie Review: Ninja Death Squad (Craig Edwards of Let's Get Out of Here!)
Movie Review: Ninja Powerforce' - at Movies You Should [Die Before You] See

Nine Days of the Ninja: Day Five
It's a Dusk-to-Dawn Special with "American Ninja"! (Craig Edwards of Let's Get Out of Here!)
Saturday Night Ninja! - at Cinema Steve

Nine Days of the Ninja: Day Six
Movie Review:Enter the Ninja (Craig Edwards of Let's Get Out of Here!)
ROLF!: Bruce Lee & Sue Shiomi - at NUELOW Games

Nine Days of the Ninja: Day Seven
Maniacal Movie Poster Monday:Ninja Posters! (Craig Edwards of Let's Get Out of Here!)
Movie Review:Challenge of the Lady Ninja - at Watching the Detectives

Nine Days of the Ninja: Day Eight
Movie Review:Unmasking the Idol (Craig Edwards of Let's Get Out of Here!)
ROLF!:Nine Days of the Ninja - at NUELOW Games

Nine Days of the Ninja: Day Nine
Ninja Goodies from the Video Vault of Mora Tau! (Craig Edwards of Let's Get Out of Here!)
Random Ninjaosity - at Shades of Gray

Saturday Night Ninja!

2011-11-05T00:02:00.000-07:00

On the Saturday of last year's Nine Days of the Ninja Blogathon, I posted a couple YouTube ninja videos. I'm doing it again, including a reappearance of Ryan Higa. This officially makes it a tradition, yeah?

Catch up with the Space Girls!

2011-11-03T00:01:00.000-07:00

Over at Shades of Gray, I've been featuring Travis Charest's Spacegirl together with drawings from a variety of artists every Friday for the past few months. Chapter Two will start appearing tomorrow, but in the meantime, you can catch get to know the lovely (and deadly) ladies of outer space with this post here.

SPACEGIRL: CHAPTER ONE

PART ONE * PART TWO * PART THREE

PART FOUR * PART FIVE * PART SIX

PART SEVEN * PART EIGHT * PART NINE
PART TEN * PART ELEVEN

SPACEGIRL
by Travis Charest
CHAPTER ONE EPILOGUE

Visit Shades of Gray Every Friday for More Spacegirl....

'Allah's Curse' helped along by firebombing idol-worshipers

2011-11-02T10:55:00.000-07:00

French satirical magazine "Charlie Hebdo" announced on Halloween (10/31) that the Prophet Mohammed (may peace be upon him) would guest edit the coming week's magazine. The details were reported here: Prophet Mohammed to 'guest edit' French satirical magazine - Telegraph

Idol-worshipers swung into swift and violent action in defense of the Prophet Mohammed (may peas be upon him) and His holy image. The details were reported here: French satirical newspaper Charlie Hebdo firebombed after prophet Mohammed announcement - Telegraph

You can read in the article that Mohammed Moussaoui, president of the French Council for the Muslim Faith (CFCM), said he "firmly condemned" the arson attack if it proved criminal. That begs the question, Mr. Henry Samuel of "The Telegraph," since we can't be sure if you got this guy's statement right since you only quoted two words, when is a Molotov cocktail thrown through a window not criminal?)

And if Mr. Henry Samuel of the Telegraph DID quote him accurately, is it an insult to the Prophet Mohammed (may pizza be upon him) if you're a dumb-ass while sporting His name? If this is the case, would it be criminal to firebomb Mohammed Moussaoui home?

Nonetheless... "Allah's Curse" once again appears to be helped along by idol-worshiping psychopaths. At least this time, they didn't murder anyone.

Which brings us to the ceremonial Mohammed Cartoon in honor of his faithful worshipers.

Best-selling titles in October

2011-10-31T11:33:00.000-07:00

As some of you may know, I run a small (VERY small) publishing operation. And it's time for the monthly best-seller report.

NUELOW Games had a very good month. I attribute this to the fact that the Occupy the Gaming Table Movement really DOES represent 99% of all Americans. And then there were the better-than-expected sales on the collection of humor stories from Robert E. Howard, "Fists of Foolishness", doing better than expected, and a number of you out there taking advantage of our "Play a New RPG Month" discount package to try out "ROLF!: The Roleplaying Game of Big Dumb Fighters." Thank you for your support. I hope you felt that your money well spent!

Here are the top sellers.

Best-Selling NUELOW Games Titles for October 2011

1. ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game of Big Dumb Fighters [Core Game Rules]

2. ROLF!: Creature Feature [Supplement]

3. Fists of Foolishness [Short Story Anthology featuring works by Robert E. Howard]

4. ROLF!: Supermodel Slapfest [Supplement]

5. ROLF!: Herbert West vs. the Zombies [Supplement]

6. ROLF!: The Pimp, the Protester, and the Po-Po [Supplement]

7. ROLF!: The Associated Shades of Hades [Supplement]

8. ROLF!: Icing Oetzi [Supplement]

9. ROLF!: Hammerin' Tongs [Supplement]

10. ROLF!: The Breast Hope for Peace [Supplement]

Something for Seattlites to do on Halloween!

2011-10-28T15:33:00.000-07:00

Are you one of those people who like to duck trick-or-treaters on Halloween? If so, Washington's Twelfth Night Productions is here to help!

This weekend--including on Halloween Night, Oct. 31--they are performing a recreation of Orson Welles's legendary "War of the Worlds" adaptation... the one that caused panic on the East Coast when listeners became convinced aliens really had landed and were firing death rays with wild abandon.

Click here for curtain times and more information.

McDonald's McRib sandwich returns!

2011-10-24T10:30:00.000-07:00

And there was much rejoicing!

McDonald's McRib sandwich returns for second year in row | Reuters:

"It [the wondrous sammich that is the McRib] unfortunately does attract people, but does not contribute to a healthy diet," said Heather Morris, a dietitian at the Chicago-area Loyola University Medical Center.

Killjoy.

If you ask me, anyone who in 2011 eats at McDonald's and excepts a healthy diet deserves clogged arteries and massive strokes.

Vignettes from The Lonely Island

2011-10-23T18:26:00.000-07:00

I think the point at which I decided that rap was, generally speaking, a moronic stripe of popular music was when 2LiveCrew starting spewing garbage into the air during the late 1980s/early 1990s... and it's not gotten any better since.

That said, I am always amused when I come across comedy groups like The Loney Island. I first became aware of them with their "Jack Sparrow" single where they teamed up with Michael Bolton to skewer parody the rich fantasy life of many rappers and hip-hoppers by contrasting it with a different kind of fantasy life.

Here are some of The Lonely Island's best parody songs and videos, including ones where they team with famous performers who are so game that they make fun of their own styles and pop music genres. Great stuff... especially the ones mocking rap and hip-hop.

(I probably don't need to mention this, but these videos are NOT safe for work.)

First, let's meet the boys of The Lonely Island...

And here's one of the most honest songs and videos ever recorded. Jessica Alba is now officially forgiven for the crime of appearing in "The Love Guru."

This one carries with it a very important message. It should be heeded by all.

And their greatest hit so far... it almost tops "Jack Sparrow" as far as skewering rap songs and their videos.

Islands by Mike Oldfield (Bonnie Tyler lead vocalist)

2011-10-14T23:11:00.000-07:00

A pretty song from a good album. The video's kind of weak, but there have been far worse made.

Nigerian pleads guilty to underwear bomb attack

2011-10-12T11:22:00.000-07:00

This just in:

Jihadist pleads guilty to setting own penis on fire while attempting to murder innocent people on a Detroit-bound plane: "If you laugh with us now we will laugh with you later on the day of judgment," Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab said.

To which I respond: Sorry, Hot Rod. I'm too busy laughing AT you and your fellow misbegotten, moronic Lions of Islam to laugh with you.

I hope you rot in prison for a very long time. And I hope they laugh with you, as your cellmate wages Jihad on your ass.

Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab: Lion of Islam,
who aspired to turn his penis into Allah's flaming sword!
(Abdulmutallab is noted as the brightest follower of Anwar al-Awlaki.)

Oh No! Al-Qaeda is mad & threatening to kill us!

2011-10-11T00:12:00.000-07:00

BlahblahblahAllahblahblahblahJiIIIIHAAAAAAAADblahblahblahDEATHTOAMERICAAAAAAAblahblahblahRRRRRRREVENGEblahblah.

Al-Qaida confirms killing of US-born "cleric": Al-Qaida's Yemeni offshoot on Monday confirmed the killing of U.S.-born militant cleric Anwar al-Awlaki late last month and vowed to avenge the propagandist's death.

Anwar al-Awlaki is presently being raped by demons in Hell, so it's a win for the good guys.

Still, he was held high regard by some, so I want to acknowledge his legacy, as respectfully as I know how... by posting a few cartoons of the Prophet Mohammed. He loved looking at them so much that he issued a death warrant on cartoonist Molly Norris when she apologized for offending idol-worshipers like al-Awlaki and promised not to draw any more Mohammed cartoons.

I hope Satan gives you a break between rape sessions, Anwar. It would be a shame if only your loyal followers got to see this small tribute to your legacy.

And, finally, an image of The Man Himself, as he would want to be remembered... surrounded by family and all he held dear.

Peace in our time?

2011-10-10T00:02:00.000-07:00

Huda Naccache has become the first Christian Isreali model to appear in a bikini on the cover of an Arab magazine.

The photo-shoot took place in Haifa in northern Israel on September 18, 2011. The 22-year-old long-limbed model's appearance on the cover of an Arab-Israeli magazine clad in a skimpy bikini has sparked a media frenzy in Israel and who-knows how much masturbation in the halls of government in Gaza.

Read about more it here, as well as the on-going media frenzy in Isreal: AFP: Arab-Israeli model takes on critics... in a bikini.

Personally, I'm a-feared for the earthquakes Huda might bring upon us, even if this is a great omen for peace in the Middle East. Maybe God/Allah/the Great Pumpkin approves and He he'll let the whole "immodest women" thing slide this time?

Click here to enjoy more pictures of Huda. (Assuming you won't feel guilty about raising the risk of earthquakes.)

One Night in Bangkok (Times Three)

2011-10-08T10:33:00.000-07:00

I've just released the latest fiction anthology from my little online publishing company NUELOW Games, "Fists of Foolishness: The Tales of Sea-faring Boxing Champ Steve Costigan" by Robert E. Howard. While editing this book, one of the stories put me in mind of a song I hadn't thought of in years... "One Night in Bangkok".

Steve Costigan has quite a lot in common with the character in the song, I thought. They both travel to exotic cities, but they are usually so wrapped up in their sport--chess for the guy in the song, boxing for Costigan--to even notice the sites or other opportunities the places might offer.

And then there's the refrain, "One night in Bangkok makes a hard man humble." At least one hard man is invariably humbled in the Costigan stories....

Having so reflected on the song, I decided to chase it down and see if it matched my memory. It did, sort of. Here are the top three versions and/or videos I came across.

First, here is the one that is best know. It's the official version of the song that was used to promote the musical and tie-in record from which it was drawn, "Chess". It features Murray Head, who was also the lead in the stage production. and it topped the charts all throughout Europe for months.

I also found that lots of the tone and imagery in the video is actually in line with that found in the Costigan stories, but that is because they both draw from the same well.

Another version of the song, which became a hit even before the "official" song had hit the airwaves was this one. It's an interesting arrangement, as its delivery and style of the video puts you in mind of a reporter while the song is being performed rather than a player like during the Head version.

And then there's this one. I'm including it mostly so you can test your stamina. But also because it's performed by disgraced boxing champ Mike Tyson. (By the way, Tyson is the sort of guy that Costigan would have gone out of his way to beat the crap out of. Not only did Tyson have a reputation, but he was an abuser of women and so would deserve to be laid out on the canvass.)

Please check out "Fists of Foolishness: The Tales of Sea-faring Boxing Champ Steve Costigan". I think it features some great writing and some funny stories, whether you like boxing or not. (I happen to think boxing is boring and a waste of time, blood, and brain cells on the part of the athletes taking part, but I still love these stories.)

This book is the first in a projected two-volume series, with the follow-up, "Shanghaied Mitts: More Tales of Sea-faring Boxing Champ Steve Costigan" presenting an additional ten stories.

Westboro Baptist Church Announces Protest of Steve Jobs’ Funeral…on the iPhone

2011-10-05T23:11:00.000-07:00

Um....

Mike Flynn has some commentary here, as well as an invitation to make your own Phelps jokes.

Me, I'm starting to wonder of the Westboro Baptist Church hasn't been the longest-running piece of performance art in the history of the world, starring a group of masters of dark satirical comedy.

I mean, no one can possibly be THAT stupid, can they?

Steve Jobs dead at 56

2011-10-05T18:45:00.000-07:00

Apple co-founder and Chairman Steve Jobs died today. He was 56.
Jobs had been suffering from various health issues following the seven-year anniversary of his surgery for a rare form of pancreatic cancer in August 2004. Apple announced in January that he would be taking an indeterminate medical leave of absence. Jobs then stepped down as chief executive in late August, citing his inability to "meet my duties and expectations" stemming from his illness.

In a statement, Apple said paid tribute to its one-time leader as " a visionary and creative genius" adding that the world had "lost an amazing human being."

Jobs "died peacefully today surrounded by his family," the family said in a statement, which went on to thank the "many people who have shared their wishes and prayers during the last year of Steve's illness" and promise a website for those who wish to offer tributes and memories.

I've been an Mac user and lover since my first year of college when I went into the computer lab and couldn't figure out how to use the DOS-based machines -- that was, literally, the first time I'd ever tried to use a computer outside a little night class taken during 10th grade. The person at the desk then handed me a little blue disk and said, "Try this intead.."

Five minutes later, I was happily typing my paper.

Three days later, I bought my first Mac at the Campus Bookstore, using the student pricing. It was a Macintosh SE with a built-in hard drive.

I later upgraded to a Mac IIci. From there, I went to a Powerbook 5300c. That little gray beast served me until 2000 when I got the blue and white Clamshell iBook... it looked like a toy, but it served me well the next several years until I upgraded to an iBook G4. Apparently, there were all sorts of problems with that model, but that little white box has never given me any trouble, other than the letters have been worn off on many of the keys from all the typing I did. It still serves as my back-up machine, and there is some graphics editing software on it that I like and which I've not found any that let me do the same sort of cutting and pasting that works under OS10.5.

Speaking of which, that brings me to my most current Macintosh... my wonderful MacBook Pro.

I'm not a big techie, and I'm not an early adapter (or an adapter of many things period... the Smart Phone thing is still something I'm staying away from) but I do love my iPod Touch. And I've loved working on each and every Mac I've used, from all the machines listed above, to the ones that sat on my desks at The Chronicle, TSR, and Wizards of the Coast. (I hated the DOS machine at PBS, and I only have slightly less disdain for the Windows machines at Cencon Corp and H&R Block.)

Thank you, Steve Jobs, for making my college years and working life so simple. May you rest in peace.

Stayin' Alive in the Wall

2011-10-04T00:20:00.000-07:00

They mixed the most famous Bee-Gees song with the most famous Pink Floyd Song, edited together videos... and out came something surprisingly good! Check it out!

Mike Oldfield: Earth Moving

2011-10-03T05:15:00.001-07:00

I seriously disliked his 1989 album when it was first released, and I panned it like nothing I'd ever panned before or since in a music review. It was a collection of pop songs that had all obviously been penned and recorded with the intention of making nothing more than a collection of pop songs, I ranted at the time.

20+ years, I have completed a reevaluation of "Earth Moving" that started about five or six years ago when I listened to it again. Either my tastes have evolved/deteriorated, or the level of crap that is current standard in pop music makes even disappointed Mike Oldfield sound fantastic. I now find myself liking all but a couple tracks.

Here's the video for the title track from the "Earth Moving" album. I'm not sure I care for the video--it doesn't match my mental images when I hear the song--but it remains relevant with its environmental message. (Even if the singer looks so thoroughly late 1980s that there's no doubt when it was recorded.)

NUELOW Games Best-Sellers for September 2011

2011-09-30T19:15:00.000-07:00

Here are the top sellers for NUELOW Games for the month of September. If you haven't checked any of these out, maybe you should. October is Play a New RPG Month, and we're offering a collection of ROLF! products for 45% off the already low normal price to help you do just that!

Best-selling NUELOW Games titles for September 2011

Click on the titles for a detailed description of each product, as well as a preview.

#1: Dyvil: First Edition (Jeff Grubb's 30-Minute Roleplaying Game) [core game]

#2: Steve Miller's 30-Minute Roleplaying Game (SM-30) [core game]

#3: ROLF!: Supermodel Slapfest [supplement]

#4: ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game of Big Dumb Fighters [core game]

#5: ROLF!: Cap'n Jack on the Isle of Pirate's Doom [supplement]

#6: ROLF!: Herbert West vs. the Zombies [supplement]

#7: Names in the Black Book: Three Nightmarish Mysteries [fiction anthology]

#8: ROLF!: Icing Oetzi [supplment]

#9: ROLF!: Hammerin' Tongs [supplement]

#10: Modern Advances: Ghostmaster [d20 System supplement]

Samir Khan also killed in Yemen today

2011-09-30T10:48:00.000-07:00

According to the AP, Samir Khan, editor of English language online al-Qaeda fanzine "Inspire", was killed by a missile strike at the same gay outing as Anwar al-Alwaki.

Here's the article: 2 US citizens dead in Yemen airstrike

The article refers to "Inspire" as a "slick Western-style internet publickation."

I wonder: Has that journalist SEEN any issues of "Inspire"? I've read three, and it seems to me that Khan deserved killing not just for being a terrorist asshole, but also for his many obscene crimes against layout standards.

Now, if we get word that the Adam Gadahn has also been killed, then this will be a banner day in ridding the world of American traitors (and just sons-of-bitches in general).

Al-Qaeda's Anwar al-Awlaki reported killed

2011-09-30T03:33:00.000-07:00

According to reports, al-Qaeda "cleric" Anwar al-Awlaki has been killed together with "companions."

It's getting pretty bad for al-Qaeda these days. They can't even have their weekly gay orgies without risk of assassination anymore.

For more details, click to read the story from Reuters: Yemen says al Qaeda cleric al-Awlaki killed

More details as they become available.

(Regular readers of this blog may remember that Awlaki is the American traitor who ordered his fellow psychotic Mohammed-worshiping death-cultists to murder cartoonist Molly Norris after she made the mistake of apologizing to the "Muslim community" for offending them. They essentially succeeded in murdering Norris, as she was forced to change her name and go into hiding. On a positive note, Awlaki helped establish Mohammed Mondays over at my Shades of Gray blog.

Anwar al-Awlaki

It’s Official: Miller Endorses Herman Cain.

2011-09-29T12:12:00.000-07:00

That's a different Miller than me, though... we're talking Dennis Miller.

I've always liked Dennis Miller, and I've been a big an of Godfather's Pizza since before Herman Cain was personally appearing as a standee in a suit and fedora in Godfather's Pizza stores (and it's my preferred pizza to this day...).

But I'm not behind Cain for president yet. (I know you're all waiting to see who I endorse, so you can follow my lead... but there's plenty of time for me to tell you who to vote for. (What? My endorsement is every bit as valid as some director or rapper or actress, I should think.)

Cain as a politician holds a little more appeal to me than several of the other Republican candidates currently running--and a whole lot more than the potentials that the media seem so in love, such as Palin and Christie--but I don't know enough yet to say whether I like him as a candidate. (Almost anyone would be a better candidate than Ron Paul, Rick Perry, and the empty suit currently taking up space in the White House.

Interesting Development: 'Amazing Stories' is coming back

2011-09-29T11:01:00.000-07:00

I've learned from numerous Facebook Buddies that blogger Crotchty Old Fan (aka Steve Davidson) has acquired the trademark 'Amazing Stories' and is currently in the planning stages of bringing back the venerable science fiction magazine.

Hasbro, who came into possession of the Amazing Stories trademark by purchasing Wizards of the Coast, who had come into possession of the Amazing Stories trademark by purchasing TSR, Inc., who had come into possession of the Amazing Stories--well, you get the drift--failed to renew the trademark in 2007. Whether this was due to sloppiness, incompetence, or a lack of understanding of the fact that the Amazing Stories trademark still has lots of commercial potential (I was feeling charitable this morning and for once was going to ascribe it to ignorance and/or cheapness, but my friend Stan! pointed out to me that just a few years ago, Hasbro had refused to sell the trademark to Paizo Publishing. And there's also the fact that Hasbro couldn't even be bothered with the relatively minor undertaking and expense of filing the appropriate paperwork and paying the attending fees, and possibly of establishing a part of the WotC website with the "Amazing Stories" logo on it and a few stories and/or RPG materials archived to keep the trademark alive and under their control.

But Hasbro's loss is a potential gain for science fiction fans and creators. Writer and editor Steve Davidson (who operates the blog site The Crotchety Old Fan) has acquired the trademark, and he is planning a revival of Amazing Stories Magazine.

Davidson is currently in the early planning stages of his efforts. Here is a link to the press release he issued announcing he'd secured rights to the trademark, and here is a link to his intentions and an outline of his plans as they currently stand.

I wish him the best of luck and tons of commercial success!

(By the way, I had an article in one of the final (THE final?) issue of "Amazing Stories" published under the TSR, Inc./Wizards of the Coast banner. It was a roleplaying game adaptation of the "Battlefield Earth" novel that had been commissioned by then editor Kim Mohan. The biggest thrill for me was the fact some of my writing, no matter how humble and marketing-driven the subject matter, appeared between the same covers as a story by Ray Bradbury!)

'I Sold My Soul to Satan'

2011-09-28T12:33:00.000-07:00

Actually, no I didn't... but given how my career has been going in the past few years, it may be an option I should look into. The headline is the title of a documentary which was provided to me for review by start-up distributor Chemical Burn Entertainment.

I Sold My Soul to Satan (2010)
Starring: Kai Blackwood, Jymie Darling, and Maja d'Aoust
Directors: David Gaz and Alex Vazart
Rating: Six of Ten Stars

Follow would-be rock star Kai Blackwood as he embarks on one last attempt at achieving fame... by selling his soul to the devil.

The focus of this documentary, Kai Blackwood, has a lot in common with me. We're about the same age and we're both faced with careers that are on the skids, but Blackwood is willing to go that extra mile for success. Or at least for a shot at fame through "reality television."

Directors Gaz and Vazart's cameras follow Blackwood around the Los Angeles area as he collects the ingredients needed to perform the ritual to sell his soul to Satan, and has he consults with various experts in the occult, first and foremost Jymie Darling who says brilliant things like "I've learned everything there is about the Unknown". Darling is actually a more interesting character than Blackwood, and she vascilates from mildly creepy to mildly goofy (but always very sincere) as she tries to explain the reasons for why the rituals to sell your soul to demons are what they are, and tries to stress to Blackwood that he needs to be serious about what he is about to do.

I never get the feeling that Blackwood is serious, however. The interviews with him interspersed with scenes of him shopping for or collecting the items he's going to need for the ritual show a guy who isn't following Darling's advice, but who seems like the typical, flaky "reality television"-type wanna-be. Although this does lead to some great viewing, such as when he's making the ink needed to sign his demonic pact.

Both fun and informative, this is a documentary that should appeal equally to you whether you have an interest in occult matters and whether you love or despise "reality shows." The only complaint I have is that the film only follows the path of Blackwood toward his pact with Satan. According to comments from David Gaz during the film, there were two out of the thousands of applicants for the film whom he thought were suitable subjects. We get a few snippets from the screen-test of that other person. a fashion designer named Sarah, and I would have liked to see how the same routines went for her.

"I Sold My Soul to Satan" receives its wide release on DVD on November 8, 2011.

Will I have to stop disliking the French?!

2011-09-21T00:04:00.000-07:00

This may be the Broken Clock Effect in action!

French want Palestinians to drop UN membership:

Maybe there's going to be change... but not the sort of change that Abbas was hoping for. Maybe cartoons like this one will stop being true.

Avast, my harties... it's Talk Like Pirate Day!

2011-09-19T00:01:00.000-07:00

You will always remember that this was the day you almost caught Captain Jack Sparrow!

Happy Talk Like a Pirate Day from Cinema Steve and NicePeter!

If you read 'Archie Comics' as a kid...

2011-09-17T15:00:00.000-07:00

... and have a slightly warped sense of humor, you're probably going to find many things that will make you laugh at Archie Out of Context. God knows I did!

What rap through yonder speaker breaks?

2011-09-15T08:25:00.000-07:00

Epic Rap Battles of History returns with Dr. Seuss vs. William Shakespeare!

It's not as good as "Albert Einstein vs. Stephen Hawking" but can that one ever be topped?

By order of Our Dear Leader....

2011-09-15T02:11:00.000-07:00

... all good citizens are to monitor websites and their neighbors and co-workers for opinions and thoughts that don't meet the standards approved by Him and His Thought Police. It is your Patriotic Duty to help silence those who would speak ill of Our Dear Leader.

Click here to report any Thought Crimes you encounter.

(I'll give give the Obamatons and their Dear Leader this much: At least they're finally being up front with their desire for a totalitarian state, right down to the stark black-and-white design of their Informer Website. I hope minions of The One have the decency to Friend Me on Facebook or become a Follower of this blog should they decide I am an Enemy worthy of monitoring. Once they discover that all the NUELOW Games releases contain secret Anti-Obama Double-Coded Dog Whistle Messages, I've no doubt they'll be checking up on me every day.)

Michael Stern Hart dead at 64

2011-09-13T21:07:00.000-07:00

ANNOUNCEMENT: In honor of Michael S. Hart's memory, I am donating my earnings on "From Dark Corners: Thirteen Unusual Tales from Famous Authors" to Project Gutenberg. Please get a copy, and please spread the word.

Michael Stern Hart is the inventor of the e-book and founder of the Gutenberg Project. Without him, I probably never would have discovered the obscure side of authors like R.E. Howard and E.R. Burroughs, or even known about forgotten authors that have become personal favorites like John Kendrick Bangs, Anna Katherine Green, and C.J. Cutliffed-Hyne. I also never would have realized that Edgar Wallace's and Sax Rohmer's stories are far more entertaining than the movies based on them.

Without Hart, there would not be a Kindle, there would not be the current incarnation of NUELOW Games, and I certainly never would have thought about publishing fiction in the format I currently am.

Obituary for Michael Stern Hart

Michael Stern Hart was born in Tacoma, Washington on March 8, 1947. He died on September 6, 2011 in his home in Urbana, Illinois, at the age of 64. His is survived by his mother, Alice, and brother, Bennett. Michael was an Eagle Scout (Urbana Troop 6 and Explorer Post 12), and served in the Army in Korea during the Vietnam era.

Hart was best known for his 1971 invention of electronic books, or eBooks. He founded Project Gutenberg, which is recognized as one of the earliest and longest-lasting online literary projects. He often told this story of how he had the idea for eBooks. He had been granted access to significant computing power at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. On July 4 1971, after being inspired by a free printed copy of the U.S. Declaration of Independence, he decided to type the text into a computer, and to transmit it to other users on the computer network. From this beginning, the digitization and distribution of literature was to be Hart's life's work, spanning over 40 years.

Hart was an ardent technologist and futurist. A lifetime tinkerer, he acquired hands-on expertise with the technologies of the day: radio, hi-fi stereo, video equipment, and of course computers. He constantly looked into the future, to anticipate technological advances. One of his favorite speculations was that someday, everyone would be able to have their own copy of the Project Gutenberg collection or whatever subset desired. This vision came true, thanks to the advent of large inexpensive computer disk drives, and to the ubiquity of portable mobile devices, such as cell phones.

Hart also predicted the enhancement of automatic translation, which would provide all of the world's literature in over a hundred languages. While this goal has not yet been reached, by the time of his death Project Gutenberg hosted eBooks in 60 different languages, and was frequently highlighted as one of the best Internet-based resources.

A lifetime intellectual, Hart was inspired by his parents, both professors at the University of Illinois, to seek truth and to question authority. One of his favorite recent quotes, credited to George Bernard Shaw, is characteristic of his approach to life:

"Reasonable people adapt themselves to the world. Unreasonable
people attempt to adapt the world to themselves. All progress,
therefore, depends on unreasonable people."
Michael prided himself on being unreasonable, and only in the later years of life did he mellow sufficiently to occasionally refrain from debate. Yet, his passion for life, and all the things in it, never abated.

Frugal to a fault, Michael glided through life with many possessions and friends, but very few expenses. He used home remedies rather than seeing doctors. He fixed his own house and car. He built many computers, stereos, and other gear, often from discarded components.

Michael S. Hart left a major mark on the world. The invention of eBooks was not simply a technological innovation or precursor to the modern information environment. A more correct understanding is that eBooks are an efficient and effective way of unlimited free distribution of literature. Access to eBooks can thus provide opportunity for increased literacy. Literacy, and the ideas contained in literature, creates opportunity.

In July 2011, Michael wrote these words, which summarize his goals and his lasting legacy: “One thing about eBooks that most people haven't thought much is that eBooks are the very first thing that we're all able to have as much as we want other than air. Think about that for a moment and you realize we are in the right job." He had this advice for those seeking to make literature available to all people, especially children:

"Learning is its own reward. Nothing I can say is better than that."

Michael is remembered as a dear friend, who sacrificed personal luxury to fight for literacy, and for preservation of public domain rights and resources, towards the greater good.

This obituary is granted to the public domain by its author, Dr. Gregory B. Newby.

"Useful Idiots" 9/11 anniversary cartoon

2011-09-11T14:22:00.000-07:00

By James Hudnall and Val Mayerik

Never forget

2011-09-11T00:03:00.000-07:00

I've used the phrase in the headline several times when referencing 9/11/2001, the day a gang of psychopathic Muslims killed thousands of hapless Americans and destroyed the World Trade Center in NYC with hijacked airliners. All while praising their god and professing their idolatry for the Prophet Mohammad.

Unfortunately, as Lawrence Myers points out in this column, America as a nation has forgotten. As Myers says, "We have forgotten that this was a terrorist attack on America. We have forgotten that we are at war. We have forgotten that a cancer exists whose sole and only stated goal is our destruction. That cancer has a name. It is Radical Islam."

I'm not saying that all Muslims are at war with the United States or want to see Americans slaughtered or enslaved to the whims of a death cult centered on the idol worship of the Prophet Mohammad. There are, obviously, uncounted numbers of American Muslims who love this country and who want to see it and their friends and neighbors survive and prosper. There are also, obviously, Muslims around the world who just want to live in peace and who would never murder anyone. I am saying that we need to remember who the real enemies are. And what they did.

Just like all Germans weren't Nazis, all Muslims aren't members of the idol-worshiping Mohammedan Death Cult of Radical Islam. However, just like all Nazis were evil, so are all the bloodthirsty, murderous adherents of Radical Islam. Those who would appease them or make excuses for them range from stupid to evil themselves, just like those who espoused appeasement against the Nazis.

September 11, 2001 should have been the alarm that spurred this entire nation to action in an effort to crush an enemy that's been growing in strength since the 1980s. But this does not appear to have happened. At best, we've taken half-measures, because our leaders are weak. Generally, we've done nothing, because our leaders our cowards. At worst, we've forgotten what happened, because we've allowed those who sympathize with the Radical Islamic death cultists obscure what happened that day and who conducted the attacks and committed the mass murders.

Read Lawrence Meyer's column: Reminder: We Are at War.

Mohammedan Idol Worshipers: Not All Bad

2011-09-09T09:30:00.000-07:00

This is the week and weekend for blog posts and other events memorializing the mass-murder of Americans on 9/11/2001. I'll be posting a little something myself in a couple of days.

Today, though, I want to remind everyone that not all Muslims are murderous death-cultists who practice Mohammedan idolatry. Most Muslims are just like you and me, people who want to mind their own business and live their lives in peace. Likewise, most Muslims don't support the Mohammedan idol-worshipers, even if it's sometimes hard to tell with so-called Muslim advocacy groups like CAIR doing all they can to run interference for Hamas, al-Qaeda, and other fringe Islamic idol-worshiping death cults.

And I also want to point out that even the Islamic idol-worshipers have their good sides. Take Al-Qeada in London as an example:

These fellows have put on a production of "Oklahoma" that ranks among the best the world has ever seen. Their love of musicals and show-tunes is second only to their love of little boys. Or maybe the Prophet Mohammad (may peace be upon him). It's a toss-up.

August best-sellers for NUELOW Games

2011-08-31T13:37:00.000-07:00

Some of you may be aware that I've revived my little online publishing company. I did this, because I remain woefully under-employed and I might as well do SOMETHING with my time when not trying to line up work. (And, hey, if you have REAL work out there for a game designer/writer, I am available almost immediately!)

Here's a list of the best-selling NUELOW Games titles for the month of August. While we're not setting the world on fire, we're doing about what one can expect for an online publishing outfit with no star-power and no marketing budget. In other words, we're selling dozens of copies!

Best-selling NUELOW Games titles for August 2011

Click on the titles for more information.

1. Names in the Black Book by Robert E. Howard (horror fiction anthology)

2. From Dark Corners Vo1. 1 by Various (horror fiction anthology)

3. Rolf!: Santa vs. Santos vs. Jesus by Steve Miller and L.L. Hundal (game supplement)

4. The Deadly Sword of Cormac by Robert E. Howard (historical fiction anthology)

5. Rolf!: The Rollplaying Game of Big Dumb Fighters by L.L. Hundal and Steve Miller (core game rulebook)

If you've purchased any of our offerings, I thank you for your support. The earnings from your purchase have, quite literally, gone to keep my cats fed and my car running.

If you haven't tried any of our offerings, I invite you to do so.

If you are a fan of quality fiction, and would like something that reads well on your iPad, I recommend checking out our fiction offerings. The Robert E. Howard books are full of action and/or horror, while the John Kendrick Bangs titles are full of wry humor.

If you play traditional roleplaying games--the kind that require dice and paper and actually spending time in the same room with your friends--and have a sense of humor about your play-style, the ROLF! game is something to check out. The Larry Elmore illos in the core game and most of the supplements might even fill you with nostalgia for the good old days!

For more information and regular updates on NUELOW Games, you can visit the "company blog" by clicking here.

There is a future in feces!

2011-08-30T14:55:00.000-07:00

Jennifer Hale was quoted as saying, "There is a future in feces."

While that might lead one to think she's a spokesperson for Warner Bros. or some other major media company, Ms. Hale actually works for the Denver Zoo and she was discussion panda poop:

Panda Poop Could By Key To Producing Biofuels « CBS Denver: "The waste of one of the world’s most endangered animals may hold the key to producing biofuels. The potency of the discovery had scientists talking about it at a major chemistry conference in Denver on Monday."

Sure would be nice if there's something to this crap!

Everything is better with Michael Bolton?

2011-08-28T16:11:00.000-07:00

I wouldn't really describe myself as a fan of either Michael Bolton or Lady Gaga (in fact, I would describe myself as NOT a fan of the latter), but the combo of the two work really nicely in this soft little pop tune/love song, "Murder My Heart."

Of course, I doubt Bolton will ever top his team up with Lonely Island!

Tectonic Tuesday: Who to blame?!

2011-08-23T12:48:00.000-07:00

At roughly 1:55pm Eastern Time, an earthquake with a preliminary magnitude of 5.8 hit the East Coast of the United States of America, with an epicenter in Virginia. Damage appears to have been light to non-existence, but airports have been closed and hysterical politicians have been evacuated from buildings throughout Washington, D.C.

But, as every intelligent and wise person knows, earthquakes are not caused by geological forces, but by immodest women.

This was revealed by the great latter-day Prophet of Allah, Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi--a man so wise and great that he should be second only in status to Mohammed and Jesus Christ--when in 2010 he told the world that: 'Many women who do not dress modestly ... lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society, which (consequently) increases earthquakes."

I conducted careful research that proved the Great Holy Man right with the Tectonic Tuesday series on this very blog.

On that note, here are some thoughts on which dangerous women may have caused today's earthquake, turning this day into a TRUE Tectonic Tuesday!

Angie Harmon
Is there anything more immodest than an actress portraying a tough, independent, intelligent woman in a television series? Probably not... and since she's done it on multiple series (most recently on "Rizzoli and Isles"), she might be the cause of today's quake.

The fact she's a vocal Republican only confirms her possible culpability.

Milla Jovovich
Already profiled as part of the Tectonic Tuesday series, there's a preview featuring her running in movie theaters (promoting the new "The Three Muskateers" movie) and it was recently announced that she will be back as Alice in the fifth Resident Evil movie. Increased Google searches of pictures for her (including 211 hits here, brought in by the search phrase "Milla Jovovich naked") may have brought the world to the brink of disaster!

Rose McGowan
Emancipated from her parents as a teenager, McGowan lacks respect for her elders. She also has a habit of appearing in films without wearing much in the way of clothes, like the latest "Conan the Barbarian" movie. With her flaunting her immodest ways on thousands of movie screens across the nation and the world, she could be the cause of quake.

Rachel Nichols
In recent years, she's appeared in form-fitting outfits in several wide-release movies, and she, like McGowan, is featured in scant clothing in the new "Conan the Barbarian" movie. Even worse, she has an on-screen sex scene with Jason Momoa. She is probably more culpable in causing this earthquake than McGowan, but it is very likely that the combination of both of them displaying their immodest ways in a single movie is what made the earth of the Eastern Seaboard tremble today.

An Alternate Theory
As the quake happened, President Barack Obama was playing golf, enjoying yet another of his many vacations. Given that Obama is, according to some sources, a Chosen One--second only to Mohammed and Jesus Christ--perhaps God made the earth move so that Obama's golf ball would roll across the green into the hole, gaining him a Hole-In-One?

N is for Ninja, and that's good enough for me! (Still.)

2011-08-21T11:11:00.000-07:00

N is for Ninja. N is for November. And while we're at it, N is also for Nine.

Last year, I declared November 1 - 9 as the Nine Days of the Ninja. Well, since November 1 - 9 only comes around once a year, I'm doing it again. I will once again be posting reviews and other Ninja-related items across my various blogs--and will even be releasing a Ninja supplement for "ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game of Big Dumb Fighters" through NUELOW Games--in celebration of the Nine Days of the Ninja.

Since playing with myself is not as fun as it might sound when there are Ninjas involved, I am inviting the rest of the blogging world to join with me in a celebration of the world's best-known secretive assassins. Maybe we can make a real blogathon out of this!

Post something Ninja-related to your blogs during the Nine Days of the Ninja. Send the link to me at stevemillermail@gmail.com, and I will list in in a Nine Days of the Ninja index post (The Ninjex?). Anything is fair game. Reviews of movies, cartoons/anime, and comics featuring Ninja and/or posts featuring information about the creators of such stuff, or just pictures of Ninja doing their thing--flipping out and killing things--are acceptable subjects. If you have existing posts, you can send me the links ahead of time, and I will link to the best of those as well.

Click here to see the After-Action Report for last year's Nine Days of the Ninja.

If you want to take part, or just want to promote Nine Days of the Ninja, you can use this logo.

Link back to this post, because it will eventually become the "Ninjex" of the 2011 Nine Days of the Ninja. And let me know if you do want to participate. I will link to your blog and let the world know.

I will be doing reminder posts and further plugs over the next few weeks, because when the monsters of October go away, the Ninja come out to play!

Or ARE They?!

Jimmy Sangster dead at 83

2011-08-19T21:56:00.000-07:00

Screenwriter Jimmy Sangster, who penned some of the greatest gothic horror and suspense films from Hammer Films during the 1950s and 1960s died today, August 19.

Sangster began his career as an an assistant director and production manager and only reluctantly took up the task of writing the script for "Horror of Dracula" when the production ran into trouble. He went on from there to write dozens of more scripts for Hammer Films in just about every genre the studio made movies in, and even did some directing. During the 1970s, Sangster worked in Hollywood, writing some of the most celebrated episodes of "Wonder Woman," "Night Stalker," and "The Six Million Dollar Man."

Sangster died at his home in London from an as-of-yet undetailed cause.

Coming Soon: Talk Like a Pirate Day!

2011-08-19T00:02:00.000-07:00

On Monday September 19, it's International Talk Like a Pirate Day. By way of a warm-up, here's a sampling of Scottish Pirate Metal Rock.

No, I did not make that up. That is how Alestorm describes themselves, and that is what they sound like. It's fun stuff. Watch the video. (It was made to promote Alestorm's latest album "Black Sails at Midnight.)

Genius of the Jihadi summed up in a paragraph

2011-08-18T10:55:00.000-07:00

Muslim terrorist threatens David Letterman: The terrorist called on Muslims in the United States to “cut the tongue of this lowly Jew and shut it forever,” according to a translation by SITE. The popular late-night television host is not Jewish.

There's stupid, there's ignorant, and then there's the Jihad-ing Lions of Islam.

I hope to God that David Letterman doubles-down on this and doesn't scurry away or try to make apologies. Apologies don't work with these psychos. All you can do if you're in their sights is tell them to go fuck their brothers (like they're doing anyway, when not posting to "Jihad websites" or raping little girls while fantasizing about fucking their brothers).

Molly Norris learned there's no apologizing to these child-raping, repressed homosexuals. She tried, and they still erased her. Letterman has the wealth and resources to stand up to them and keep doing his thing. I hope he has the spine to go with it.

These child-raping freaks can't be allowed to intimidate anyone into silence. Every time they try, those of us who care about freedom of speech need to strike back with more speech and cartoons and comments that will "offend" and "hurt" them.

We should all stand with Kurt Westergard, Salman Rushie, Molly Norris, David Letterman, and all the other artists and writers these pigs and monkeys have bullied and even murdered over the years.

And on that note, this development warrants a ceremonial Mo-toon.

Happy birthday, Roman Polanski!

2011-08-18T00:01:00.000-07:00

A little song and video in honor of child-rapist and fugitive from justice Roman Polanski. He turns 78 today.

The coming of the Brothers Barbarian!

2011-08-16T21:00:00.000-07:00

Here's the premiere episode of a web-series written by and co-starring a former co-worker of mine, Ken Whitman. It also features fantasy artist Larry Elmore in what I assume is his screen debut... in a role where he's dressed (and barely dressed) like many of the characters he's painted over the years.

I'll have to see if I can get permission for a "ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game of Big Dumb Fighters" tie-in! :)

It's 65 years today....

2011-08-13T11:22:00.000-07:00

... since the great H.G. Wells passed away. If you only know his work from "The Time Machine" and "War of the Worlds," I suggest you check out an eBook anthology I put together for NUELOW Games.

"From Dark Corners" contains a total of thirteen short stories, but the three by Wells are some of his best horror tales, with "Country of the Blind" probably being my favorite of everything by Wells that I've read. (The rest of the book is made up by stories from Arthur Conan Doyle, Robert E. Howard, Bram Stoker, and Clark Ashton Smith.)

I posted a 50% discount offer at Terror Titans, but that offer will work just as well here. Click here to buy your copy of "From Dark Corners" for just $1.25, and start reading today! (The discount is good through the first week of September.)

In order to get the book at a discounted rate (or at all), you'll need an account with one of Onebookshelf's websites--be it DrivethruHorror, DrivethruFantasy, or RPGNow.

'Day of the Daleks' is a classic Doctor Who adventure

2011-08-12T11:10:00.000-07:00

Doctor Who: Day of the Daleks (1972)
Starring: Jon Pertwee, Katy Manning, and Nicholas Courtney
Director: Paul Bernard
Rating: Seven of Ten Stars

On the eve of an international summit that hopes to stave off a war between China and the United States, time travelers arrive to assassinate the British delegate, claiming he is the cause of the inevitable war, and that it is his fault the evil Daleks enslave humanity in the future. With the TARDIS out of commission, the Doctor uses their primitive time travel technology to go forward in time to stop the Daleks from meddling in the present.

"The Day of the Daleks" is a film that was created by editing together four episodes of the long-running British television series. They combine seamlessly and present an interesting tale of cause and effect in time travel. It's a little more cerebral than most of the original "Doctor Who" storylines, but the pay-off is worth it.

The Daleks--and other time travelers in play in this episode--are almost as sinister as they got during the original run of the series; this is one of those story-lines that makes it clear why the Doctor has the fearsome reputation they like to play on in the revival of the show. Even better, it features Katy Manning as Jo Grant, one of my favorite of the Doctor's Companions.

The kittens! Won't anyone save the kittens?!

2011-08-10T03:29:00.000-07:00

A desperate cry sends a brave fireman plunging into a raging inferno where he comes face to face with a firewitch and her flaming minions, as the World of ROLF invades ours following a spell gone awry!

ROLF: The Fireman vs. The Firewitch is the latest supplement for L.L. Hundal & Steve Miller's comedy game ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game of Big Dumb Fighters. With the usual assortment of pre-generated characters and new game rules, it's just about the only fun you can have for 50 cents anymore.

Download your copy today!

(And if you don't know what ROLF! is, then you need to click here to get yourself a copy of the basic game. (It's the most fun you'll have for $1.50.)

Now back to the good part!

2011-08-08T00:02:00.000-07:00

Michael Bolton gets a guest shot with The Lonely Island for some cutting-edge hip-hop and reveals his true love in the process...

"Jack Sparrow" is included on The Lonely Island's second album of spectacularly goofy songs. Check it out. (And for more Jack Sparrow fun, come back on September 19 for our celebration of "Talk Like a Pirate Day"!)

"You complete me!"

Celebrate the U.S. deciding to honor its obligations by stimulating the economy!

2011-08-01T09:00:00.000-07:00

Well, our so-called leaders here in the States kinda-sorta did something about addressing the economic issues facing the United States of American, and they FINALLY got around to doing their Constitutionally mandated duties and made sure that all of the financial obligations of the Federal government will be met.

At least for a little while longer, since no serious effort was undertaken to address the more serious long-term problems.

But, I suggest you all out there celebrate by stimulating the economy and buying an eBook from NUELOW Games... I'd REQUIRE you to do so, but then I'd have to be a President, a member of Congress, or perhaps a character in "Alice in Blunderland."

Although written over 100 years ago, the jokes in "Alice in Blunderland" are distressingly fresh. John Kendrick Bangs might as well have been poking fun at today's political leaders, right down to how they deal with debt and government spending in the perfect town created by the Mad Hatter.

This PDF-format book--ideal for reading on laptops and iPads--is going to be on sale for $0.99 for the rest of this week. Check it out... you'll get a great read, and you'll help the U.S. economy by giving my distributor and I a few pennies!

Click here to see all the currently available eBooks and roleplaying game products currently avaliable from NUELOW Games. (It amuses me to no end that our current best-seller is a Christmas release. :D )

'Cowboys and Aliens' is smart and lots of fun!

2011-07-30T15:00:00.000-07:00

Cowboys & Aliens (2011)
Starring: Daniel Craig, Olivia Wilde, Harrison Ford, Sam Rockwell, and Adam Beach
Director: Jon Favreau
Rating: Nine of Ten Stars

When an aliens start terrorizing an isolated area of the American Southwest in the 1870s, outlaws, cattle-ranchers, settlers, and Apache Indians join together with a mysterious woman (Wilde) and an amnesiac who has somehow gotten his hands on one of the alien devices (Craig) to defeat them before they conquer Earth.

"Cowboys & Aliens" is an action-packed genre-bending mix of Western and Sci-Fi as a landscape populated with Western archetypes becomes the setting for an epic adventure tale told through one of the smartest scripts I've witnessed in years.

Although this is a movie that's primarily about aliens blowing the hell out of cowboys and visa-versa, a lot of thought and care went into just about every character that appears on screen that's not just part of the background. Even minor supporting characters get little touches that give them more depth and life than some main characters in recent allegedly character-driven movies--including one of the alien invaders. And the actors all rise to the level of this superior material, with not a single bad performance among them.

The most remarkable character and performance in the picture is given by Harrison Ford. His Colonel Dolarhyde starts out as the stereotypical, psychotically evil ex-Army officer cattle-rancher strong man, but by the time the film is over, he is completely transformed into a sympathetic character who is the most fully developed of all of them.

Daniel Craig and Olivia Wilde are basically, well, Daniel Craig and Olivia Wilde. Both characters that they play are of such a nature that their physical appearances are very important, and both of them are perfectly cast in their roles... Craig for his craggy, weather-worn looks and Wilde for her ability to seem mysterious by just standing around. The fact that neither one of them was the first choice to play those parts is a sign that the Movie Gods were watching out for this film. They're both so perfect I can't imagine this film being as good if they hadn't been in it.

"Cowboys & Indians" deserves to be counted among this years best movies, whether measured by quality or box office receipts. I highly recommend going to see it, even if you're a stingy bastard like me who goes to matinee screenings. This is the kind of movie that Hollywood needs to make more of..

The Adventures of Captain Jack

2011-07-30T00:44:00.000-07:00

I am depressed at being an American today, because it seems we have retards in charge of our nation.

With our co-called leaders in Washington doing their level best to obliterate what's left of the American economy and our financial dealings with the rest of the world, I felt the need to postr some upbeat songs with equally bright and upbeat videos.

There are some of the best songs and videos from the great Captain Jack, one of the 1990s premiere Euro-pop performers. I've arranged them so the videos tell a little story (well, in my mind anyway), but if you only watch one of them, check out the "Iko-Iko" cover.

(Captain Jack could probably do a better job at leading this country than any of the chuckle-heads and empty suits currently wasting oxygen in Washington, D.C.)

Help us, Captain Jack. You're our only hope!

Linda Christian dead at 87

2011-07-28T03:33:00.000-07:00

I just heard that actress Linda Christian, the true first Bond Girl, passed away last Friday, July 22, after a battle with cancer. (Christian appeared with Barry Nelson and Peter Lorre in the 1954 version of "Casino Royale," giving one of the best performances of her career.)

Gaza film-makers decry Hamas censorship

2011-07-28T03:00:00.000-07:00

From Reuters....

Four years into Islamist Hamas rule, cultural censors are fraying the already threadbare local movie industry. Culture Ministry director Mustafa al-Sawaf is quick to crack down on content that does not conform to Hamas edicts."

It's hard to get outraged, because their friends and neighbors (and possibly even these filmmakers themselves) elected these Hamas freaks to be their oppressors.

And Jimmy Carter says Hamas are great guys, so that's that.

(Yes... there is much sarcasm above. Jimmy Carter remains a prick of the highest order. And my guess is that many of the poor Palestinians were motivated to cast ballots for Hamas by the same impulse that drove many Americans to vote for Obama--they wanted anyone but the people that were in charge at the time. At least we didn't end up with a pack of psychopaths holding the reins of government.)

Even terrorists are suffering in the global economic downturn

2011-07-26T11:11:00.000-07:00

Oh, the pain of the global economic crunch. Today, Jerusalem Post Online reports that the terrorist group chosen by election to lead the Palestinians haven't been making payroll.

Hamas also faces financial crunch

In other news, the Guardian reports that al-Qaida In Iraq has dropped all pretenses of being anything but a collection of psychopathic criminal thugs as they launch a fund-raising drive to solve their need for cash and turn to their sick admirers. Gotta pay for those male prostitutes after all. (Actually, cutting back on male prostitutes might solve some of Hamas's financial woes, too.)

Al-Qaida in Iraq explores new ventures in fundraising drive

Illo by Randy Pollack

Amy Winehouse dead at 27

2011-07-23T11:44:00.000-07:00

I wouldn't know an Amy Winehouse song if it jumped up and bit me--I was only vaguely aware of her existence through entertainment feature headlines and Eminem mocking her in a song a year or two ago. But it's always a shame when someone young and apparently talented passes away... doubly so when it appears to be from something as avoidable as drug and alcohol abuse, something Winehouse did a lot of by all accounts.

It might also be that she was hounded to death by the cruelty of "fans"--her deterioration was chronicled on the Internet with posted videos and pictures.

A cause of death had not been announced at the time of this writing, but police stated she was pronounced dead at her home in Camden Square, having expired before the ambulance arrived on the scene.

The 27-year-old Winehouse was a five-time Grammy winner whose second album, "Back to Black", rocketed her and her mix of pop and jazz to global fame. The drugs, the drink, and a range of health and personal problems, cut that fame short.

Completed Collection: Psychotic Connections

2011-07-23T11:11:00.000-07:00

This set features three horror movies on a single disk. The films are united by a shared theme of psycho killers and psychic phenomenon (or, at least, the appearance of psychic phenomenon). The quality varies widely with "Gothic" being the only picture here that is truly worthwhile (and even it might not be to the liking of many dedicated horror fans).

Click on the titles of the included movies to read reviews of each.

Psychotic Connections: 4/10 Overall Rating
Chiller (1985) 3/10
Gothic (1986) (7/10)
Maniac (1934) 3/10

When I got my copy of this set several years ago, I paid $3.95. That price is far closer to the right one than the present going rate. "Gothic" is the only worthwhile film here--aside from the curiosity value that "Maniac" has for those with an interest in the horror genre--and it's available in other, far more worthwhile collections.

Gosh... I can't imagine who might be behind it

2011-07-22T11:11:00.000-07:00

Oslo explosion: seven dead, dozens injured after bomb blasts blast - Telegraph

Maybe the Basques have moved northward to Norway. Or maybe some retired IRA guy decided to set off a few bombs for old times sake. Or maybe American neo-Nazis are upset because the Norwegians haven't been upholding the Viking traditions firmly enough.

I mean.... it couldn't possibly be friends of these guys, could it?

After all, Islam is a peaceful religion.

Tennessee Thursday: Rep. G.A. Hardaway

2011-07-21T19:07:00.000-07:00

In the "great" state of Tennessee, they enacted a law on July 1 that makes it a punishable offense to publish material online that might cause "emotional distress" in those who view it. In other words, if you're in Tennessee, putting up ANY picture that could cause ANYONE any upset can land you legal trouble. I hope you folks down there share the disdain of the 1st and 14th Amendments to the United States Constitution that your elected representatives and governor have. Only a tiny minority of the assembly voted against it.

This series of posts is devoted to spotlighting the "lawmakers" who drafted and passed this outrageous law, as well as providing samples of things that may be illegal in the state where the leaders delude themselves into thinking they are "America At Its Best."

I'm hoping the citizens of Tennessee will live up to its slogan and that enough of them become aware of what sort of ignorant clods they have in the legislature to vote them out of office.

Postings That May Be Illegal in Tennessee #4

Jesus and Mo

If you are offended or otherwise emotionally distressed by the above cartoon and its portrayal of the Prophet Mohammad (may peas be upon him) as a videogame-playing, booze-guzzling ignoramus, please contact the subject of today's profile. I'm sure he'll be happy to offer assistance in soothing your hurt feelings. (Just don't ask him for legal advice.)

Tennessee "Lawmaker" Profile #4: Rep. G.A. Hardaway

G.A. Hardaway is a real estate investor who has turned to politics as a Decomcrat, and he was elected to his seat in the Tennessee legislature in 2008 and he was re-appointed in 2010 when he "ran" unopposed. In addition to serving on the House Consumer & Employee Affairs Committee, House Commerce Committee, and the House General Sub-committee of Consumer & Employee Affairs, Hardaway hols leadership positions and/or is active in a number of community groups and organizations, including the Africa in April Festival, the Rainbow PUSH Coalition, Herendon #10 Masonic Lodge, the Southern Christian Leadership Conference, the NAACP, the Shelby Council Juvenile Court Advisory Council, and many, many others.

It's no surprise that one so busy as Rep. Hardaway can't be bothered with actually knowing the framework within which he should be making law.

Something cute for iPods to wear

2011-07-19T00:30:00.000-07:00

Now, I'm of course much too manly to buy and use this or any of the other iPod/iPhone cozies or cases that Lyssa offers for sale through Zonderling Designs. But darnit if they aren't cuuuuuute! (Click here to see more of them.)

Completed Collection: Icons of Adventure

2011-07-17T15:33:00.000-07:00

This four movie set presents two pirate movies and two "Yellow Peril"-type thrillers made by good old Hammer Films in the 1960s and distributed in the United States by Columbia Pictures. Each is a lot fun, with "The Stranglers of Bombay" and "The Devil-ship Pirates" being down-right excellent. Even the bonus features (previews, a funky animated short, and the first chapter of the "Adventures of Captain Kidd" matinee serial are worth checking out.)

Christopher Lee fans will be particularly interested in this set, as he stars in three out of the four movies.

Click on the titles to read full reviews at the Cinema Steve blogs, and click on the Amazon.com link at the bottom of this post for more information on the set in general.

Icons of Adventure: 7/10 Stars Overall Rating
The Devil-ship Pirates: 7/10
Pirates of Blood River: 7/10
The Stranglers of Bombay: 7/10
The Terror of the Tongs: 6/10

The Completed Collections

2011-07-17T15:10:00.000-07:00

I tend to pick through the many DVD multi-packs I own the way others go through boxes of fancy chocolates: I watch a movie here, watch a movie there... but the end result is that sometimes it takes me forever to finish a given set. Sometimes I never do, because one or more discs go missing in the pit that is my office.

This new series of posts will be a catalog of the DVD multi-packs I've actually managed to watch every movie in. It may not be much of an achievement, but I take my ego-boosts where I can find them! (Plus, it may save someone from buying a dog of a collection.)

Eventually, this post will be an index the posts indexes the reviews in the completed set. Each link here will provide a rating for the set generated by averaging the films in it.

The Completed Collections Index
Drop Dead Gore-geous (Horror Films and Thrillers from the 1980s): 3/10 Stars

Icons of Adventure (Adventure Period Films from Hammer in the 1960s): 7/10 Stars

Psychotic Connections (Horror Films from the 1980s and 1930s): 4/10 Stars

Savage Sickos (Horror Films and Thrillers from the 2000s): 3/10 Stars)

Presenting: Icing Oetzi - A ROLF Historical Recreation!

2011-07-16T21:29:00.000-07:00

Who killed Oetzi the Iceman? Was it the religious fanatic? Perhaps the angry cook? Or maybe Bigfoet, the Tyrolean Yeti?

On a Wednesday afternoon some 5,300 years ago, a shepherd headed into the Alps to tend his flock of goats. He would never see his home again. His mummified corpse and violent death have been the subject of study and speculation since a retreating glacier released him from his makeshift grave in 1991, A.D. (or C.E.... whatever.)

In observance of the 20th anniverary of the discovery of the victim now known as "Oetzi the Iceman," and in support of NUELOW Games' goal of educating while entertaining, we proudly present Icing Oetzi: A ROLF! Historical Recreation.

The result of all the research that can be expected for a $0.50 product from a company named NUELOW Games, the three combat scenarios and four pre-generated characters presented gives insight into a mystery that's more than 5,000 years old. Who killed Oetzi? The religions fanatic? The angry cook? Or the Tyrolean Yeti? Play the Recreations with friends, and decide which one rings true.

Get your copy today from RPGNow by clicking here. Proceeds from ever copy sold contributes to keeping me in house and home, as well as off the streets and out of trouble. Do your part today!

The Best of Epic Rap Battles of History' Vol. 2

2011-07-15T00:03:00.000-07:00

As we head for the weekend, here are three more of the greatest "Epic Rap Battles of History."

Abe Lincoln vs. Chuck Norris

Bieber vs. Beethoven

Benjamin Franklin vs. Billy Mays

What they're saying about 'ROLF!: The Death of Osama bin Laden'(And a sale celebrating the great reviews!)

2011-07-14T11:20:00.000-07:00

"Tacky."

"Worse than tacky."

"Steve's sense of humor is known to AD&D players as being something of an acquired taste but he's certainly a creative fellow."

"I'm kinda interested in what a beer hat and metal slave bikini have to do with Seal Team Six. Also vaguely terrified."

Those are comments made in response to a newsbrief at The Miniatures Page about "ROLF!: The Death of Osama bin Laden" from NUELOW Games.

To let you experience what they're talking about--and to celebrate such great responses!--I'm offering a limited-time special for readers of Cinema Steve. By using the links in this post, you can order your very own copies of "ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game of Big Dumb Fighters" and "Rolf!: The Death of Osama bin Laden" at 50% off the normal price.

BUY "ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game of Big Dumb Fighters" FOR ONLY $0.75 BY CLICKING HERE.

BUY "ROLF!: The Death of Osama bin Laden" FOR ONLY $0.25 BY CLICKING HERE.

To get the discounts, just click on the links. You'll have to click each one individually, and if you don't already have an account set up with RPGNow, you may have to make one. You can get one or both of the releases as you choose, but "ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game of Big Dumb Fighters" is required to gain full use of "The Death of Osama bin Laden.

These discounts expire on 7/21/2011, so get your copies today!

John Nolte has another insightful commentary on the state of the film and television industries.

2011-07-12T17:25:00.000-07:00

Sandra Bullock: Part of a dying breed?

A lot of what I see on Andrew Breitbart's websites annoys me, but I almost always find myself in agreement with John Nolte, the media critic who edits Big Hollywood for Breitbart. And he's got another good piece on what's wrong with big movies and big stars these days, partly written in refutation of a Daily Mirror piece. Click the link to read it.

Big Hollywood -- Death of the Movie Star: Yes, It’s For Real: "The talent is out there. The movie industry just refuses to put it to work."

It's a funny thing about being funny....

2011-07-12T07:01:00.000-07:00

With the re-release of ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game of Big Dumb Fighters, I received a pleasant surprise.

Not only have some of you out there purchased the game, but you're playing it. Not only are you playing it, but you're making your own original characters. Some of you have even noticed a "flaw" in the character generation system and taken the time to come to the blog and find my email address and write me. I just want to say thank you playing the game... it's why we make them!

Now, the designers of ROLF! do NOT consider what you've found a flaw; we thought it was funny and knew exactly what we were doing. That said, I acknowledge that our senses of humor aren't universal. Furthermore, I also didn't think the character generation system would be put to much use and that you players out there would be using the pre-generated characters rather than making them from scratch.

At the very least, your feedback is resulting in a couple of sentences worth of "optional character generation rules" in "Icing Otzi: A ROLF! Historical Recreation" (coming later this week) and if enough of you speak up in agreement over the "flaw," then a full-fledged Second Edition will have to be made. (Even if said "Second Edition" results from the addition of maybe ten more words at most... but they're very important words).

What is this "flaw," you ask? Ah, but that would be telling. See if you can suss it out!

The Best of 'Epic Rap Battles of History' Vol. 1

2011-07-08T00:01:00.000-07:00

A friend sent me a link to "Hitler vs. Vader" and I was so amused I took at look at the rest. So you don't have to waste the amount of time I did, I hereby offer the best of the "Epic Rap Battles of History." (I can't recommend watching these anywhere someone might take offense to strong language.)

Hitler vs. Vader

Albert Einstein vs. Stephen Hawkings

Sarah Palin vs. Lady Gaga

Tennessee Thursday: Rep. Vince Dean

2011-07-07T00:21:00.000-07:00

As of July 1, it is illegal in the "great" state of Tennessee to post things on the Internet and websites that might cause anyone who views the material "emotional distress". Apparently, several of the pinheads who pass for "lawmakers" in Tennessee don't think the United States Constitution and its amendments don't apply to the citizens of Tennessee--not only was this bill drafted, but it passed the legislature AND was signed into law by the governor.

The Tennessee Thursdays series is devoted to the "lawmakers" who drafted this awful law, as well as offering examples of postings that might be illegal in Tennessee.

Postings That May Be Illegal in Tennessee #3:

If you are offended by anything in this post, send an email about it to the subject of today's profile. I'm sure he'll be happy to help you recover from any "emotional distress" I have inflicted upon you.

Tennessee "Lawmaker" Profile #3: Rep. Vince Dean

Vince Dean is a retired police officer who began his political career as a city councilman and then mayor of East Ridge, Tennessee. He is a Republican, who entered state politics in 2005 when he was elected to the seat he currently occupies in the Tennessee House of Representatives.

When not helping to write Unconstitutional dribble, Dean serves on the House State and Local Government Committee, the House Transportation Committee, the House State Government Subcommittee, and the House Public Transportation & Highways Subcommittee.

To read more about evil clowns (and possibly experience more emotional distress, visit the Terror Titans blog.

If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning

2011-07-04T11:00:00.000-07:00

The famous Catherine Aird quote is very applicable to this fellow's demise. Somehow, I think he ended up making a very different point than what he was going for.

NY motorcyclist in helmet protest hits head and dies

There are many who may or may not be following in his skid marks, however. Like these braniacs:

Please. Don't be "that guy." I like my motorcycle-riding readers to stay alive. If you don't order a helmet from Amazon.com with the links below, please get one from somewhere.

(For what it's worth, I don't necessarily agree with helmet laws, but there's no question that there are some people so stupid they need to be protected from themselves.)

Repeating My Advice to Public Figures:NEVER Apologize! It Will Not Work.

2011-07-01T11:55:00.000-07:00

A couple weeks ago, the not-terribly funny comedian Tracy Morgan came under fire for making some vicious jokes about murdering his son if he turned out to be a homosexual.

Tracy Morgan being unfunny (as usual).

Naturally, the "advocacy groups" and other self-righteous glory-hounds starting howling with mock outrage.

As often happens, Morgan groveled for forgiveness--which got him nothing except being held out to ridicule and abuse by those he whose forgiveness he sought.

Now, Morgan is in the exact same situation again, only this time it's not The Gays that are mad, but the advocates for the Retarded.

Entertainment Weekly: Again? Tracy Morgan Under Fire for ‘Retarded’ Jokes

If there's anything that comedians, actors, performers of every stripe--even politicians--and other people in the public eye can learn from Morgan and others who have been in his situation, it's that it NEVER does you any good to start apologizing for what you say and do when "advocacy groups" start assailing you with faux outrage and indignant histrionics. All that happens is that they and their fellow publicity-seeking parasites--sorry, concerned representatives of community groups and non-profit organizations--will sense weakness and will come after you even harder.

Your best option--ONLY option, really--is to double-down and tell them to go screw themselves. And then make a few more jokes of the stripe that supposedly offended them.

Apologize to your friends and loved ones if you hurt or anger them, but don't EVER let yourself be forced into asking forgiveness from those who are just waiting to pounce on you because the make a living taking offense and your humiliation becomes a line on their resume. Stand up for yourself. Don't let yourself be bullied. It will gain you nothing but more contempt.

Think about it. Is there a single actor or politician who as gained ANYTHING from sucking up to the professionally over-sensitive "activists" who have infested American culture over the past 25 years? I can't think of a single person.

The response any public figure should issue when
those who make a living taking offense demand apologies.

A little something to help you get through the long weekend

2011-07-01T01:45:00.000-07:00

Earlier this week, I published my first of several eBooks featuring classic fiction re-edited to a lesser or greater degree by yours truly. I'm leading this new venture of mine with a long-time favorite--John Kendrick Bangs' "Houseboat on the River Styx".

I've performed some editing and abridgments of Bangs' original book and combined it with an edited version of the sequel, "In Pursuit of the Houseboat". I hope my efforts have breathed new life into this neat fantasy classic that has the leading Shades of Hades creating a social club. Arguments about life, the afterlife, and why it's too bad that Noah didn't put dinosaurs on his ark ensue.

For a special sales price of just $1.25, you can get a 94-page pdf-format book with chapter illustrations by famed fantasy artist Larry Elmore and others that you can enjoy on a number of platforms, the iBook in particular.

All of my earnings on the book go to feed my hungry cats, so please buy a copy today! Archie and Edith will be ever so grateful.

(Also, be sure to keep a look-out for the tie-in with my recently released game "Rolf!: The Rollplaying Game of Big Dumb Fighters". It'll present several of the characters from "Houseboat on the Styx" through the prism of "Rolf!", battle ready for your imaginary mayhem enjoyment.)

I may ruin a festive atmosphere tonight....

2011-06-25T16:54:00.000-07:00

I may be throwing a metaphorical "Molotov Cocktail" into a room this evening. And it will all be Madonna's fault.

Why? Well, I'm glad you asked!

It seems that Madonna is no better a director than she is an actor if the dirge-like "buzz" surrounding the 25 million dollar picture "W.E.", about a British royal scandal in the 1930s, is any indication.

The Daily Mail Online presents a round-up of gossip regarding her troubled, will-be/might-be feature film debut that was pulled at the last minute from this year's Cannes festival due to supposed soundtrack problems, and distributor Harvey Weinstein is currently overseeing the re-cutting after it reportedly bombed with a test audience at a super-secret screening last week. The film, apparently, made no sense and was a stellar example of what happens when someone who emphasizes style of substance is also a lousy storyteller.

If you are so inclined, you can read all about in Imperious, arrogant, stroppy: No, not Wallis Simpson but Madonna, but this is the following bit that really interested me:

"In an interview Madonna remarked: ‘I’ve found that if you bring up King Edward VIII and Wallis Simpson at a dinner party or a social gathering, it’s like throwing a Molotov cocktail into the room. Everyone erupts into an argument about who they were. I mean, they were very controversial — and continue to be. So, of course, I’m very attracted to that.’"

Madonna, wearing her 'serious filmmaker' face

Is King Edward VIII of Great Britain and his love for an American divorcee a topic that comes up at parties you attend, dear reader? And when it does, does it lead to explosive arguments or just blank stares and polite smiles as those around think, "What the hell does that have to do with anything?"

Would anyone even know who Wallis Simpson is?

Perhaps it's a British thing?

I'm going to ask at a gathering I'll be at tonight if anyone has an opinion about King Edward VIII and Wallis Simpson. I'll report what happened tomorrow, in the comments section below.

If it turns out that I completely ruin the congenial atmosphere, I will be all apologies and explain that I was testing a claim by Madonna. They will understand; I am viewed as being insane anyway.

Meanwhile, if anyone reading this wants to see what happens if bring up Edward VIII and Wallis Simpson to a group of your friends, acquaintances, co-workers, or whoever you happen to be in line with at the grocery store, I'd love to hear your report. (I won't provide your bail money if a riot breaks out at the Safeway. Not that I think that's going to happen.)

(BTW, if the subject of Edward VIII and Wallis Simpson pisses people off, then why is the Material Girl bringing it up at parties? Does she do it when she wants to leave, when she doesn't like the hosts, or just because she's a bitch who likes to ruin a pleasant time? Me, I think it's none of the above, but that Madonna has a rich fantasy life. But, we will soon know!)

Gene Colan dead at 84

2011-06-24T08:45:00.000-07:00

Legendary comic book artist Gene Colan has passed away from a broken hip and complication relating to liver disease. He was 84.

Colan had nearly 70 years of experience in the comic book industry and worked for nearly every noteworthy publisher. Achievements in his career include penciling every issue of "Tomb of Dracula" in the 1970s, as well as "The Curse of Dracula" and the "Tomb of Dracula" mini-series in the 1990s; multi-year, landmark stints on "Daredevil", "Iron Man", and "Doctor Strange" for Marvel Comics and "Detective Comics" and "Batman" for DC Comics. He also co-created the Falcon for Marvel, the first African-American superhero in mainstream comics, penciled most issues of the surreal humor title "Howard the Duck", and illustrated the landmark miniseries "Silver Blade".

Another giant has left us, and there is no one working today that can even come close to filling his shoes.

Colan's last published work appeared last year in "Captain America" #601. My personal favorite Colan work can be found in the first 60 or so issues of "Tomb of Dracula", his stint on the "Batman" titles and "Howard the Duck", and the obscure "Ragamuffins" series from Eclipse Comics.

For more samples of Colan's art, visit Joe Bloke's Grantbridge Street & Other Misadventures blog.

Tennessee Thursday: Rep. Charles Curtiss

2011-06-23T00:02:00.000-07:00

On July 1, a law takes effect in Tennessee that makes it illegal to post anything that anyone might feel "emotional distress" over. Today, I offer another profile of the Tennessee "lawmakers" who seem to think the 1st and/or 14th Amendments to the United States Constitution doesn't apply in that "great state."

But first... a little something that might soon be illegal in the state that claims to be "America at its best."

Postings That May Be Illegal in Tennessee #2

If that video upset you emotionally, morally, or constitutionally (in the stomach-turning sense), be sure to email Rep. Charles Curtiss. Curtiss is the main architect of a law so Unconstitutional one wonders if he slept through every single Civics class in grade school, or whether bricks were dropped on his head during his pre-political career.

Tennessee "Lawmaker" Profile #2: Rep. Charles Curtiss

Representative Charles Curtiss lives with his wife and daughter on land that has been in his family since the time of his great-grandfather. Don't mistake him for landed gentry, however, as he has proudly spent the early part of his working life as a brick mason. In the early 1980s, he decided to give up honest work and entered politics. He was elected to the Tennessee Legislature in 1994 and is presently in his seventh term. He is Chairman of the House Commerce Committee, Chairman of the Joint Fiscal Review Committee and Co-chair of the Select Committee on Veteran's Affairs. He also sits on the Joint Committee on Worker's Compensation and the Joint Corrections Oversight Committee.

While one hopes the Corrections Oversight Committee could do a little correcting in Tennessee state politics that is still something the citizens of that state must do at the ballot box. They must have som pretty sorry choices in elections if the quality of the ranking representatives is anything to go by.

By the way, Curtiss is a Democrat. Someone help me out here... which political party is supposedly trying to deny Americans their Constitutional rights?