Dear Homeland Security Director (the REAL one... not that phony one that testifies in front of Congress),
My name is Steve Miller, and this Reuters story about how you have an entire Command Center of people who do nothing but sit around and visit websites all day, got me all excited. In case the many posts praising the holy leaders of Iran and Osama bin Laden, the many posts criticizing Obama, and the talk of RPGs has attracted the attention of your hard-working web-surfers, I want to apply for a position among them!
I would love to get a civil service job and a government pension when I retired after 25 years of sitting in my office and surfing the web all day long. And I know that I would be a motivated and dedicated worker.
I would particularly love to watch movies on Hulu and funny videos on YouTube. It would also be lots of fun to catch up on the news of the day on any number of sites. And constantly updating my Facebook status would be especially exciting. I think my blogs speak for themselves, as far as my ability to waste time on the web.
Feel free to contact me here or however you see fit. If you decide to send an unmarked car to my home or office and sweep me away to an undisclosed location, I prefer non-fat white chocolate mochas, although I will take coffee with milk and sugar as well.
Hoping for the interview in an "undisclosed location",
PS: To show my good will, here's a fun cover of "I Always Feel Like Somebody's Watching Me."
And for those of you with a love of the classics, here's the original 1984 Rockwell version... with new visuals for the 21st century.