Views & Reviews From Writer Steve Miller
Formerly Reviews and Stuff at Rotten Tomatoes, 2005 - 2009.

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Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Heirs of the Master Race vs
Acolytes of L Ron Hubbard

Man... this is worse than when I found myself agreeing with Al Sharpton over Paris Hilton getting home arrest for violating probation!

I find myself shaking my head at the German military behaving like idiots because a wack-job cultist is going to be starring as a retro-active German warhero in "Valkyrie."

Tom Cruise has vowed Scientology will have no impact on his portrayal of a legendary German assassin, after being banned from filming at the country's military bases because of his controversial beliefs.

The actor is set to begin shooting Valkyrie in Germany this summer. In the film he plays Colonel Claus von Stauffenberg, leader of an unsuccessful plot to kill Adolf Hitler during World War II. However, permission to film scenes on genuine army sites has been denied by the country's Defense Ministry because Scientology is viewed as a "money-making cult" instead of legitimate church by the German government.

However, Cruise is adamant his beliefs have nothing to do with characterization, and is desperate to shoot the movie on location in von Stauffenberg's homeland.

His producing partner and United Artists CEO Paula Wagner says, "Aside from his obvious admiration of the man he is portraying, Mr. Cruise's personal beliefs have absolutely no bearing on the movie's plot, themes, or content. And even though we could shoot the movie anywhere in the world, we believe Germany is the only place we can truly do the story justice."

Von Stauffenberg's briefcase bomb in 1944 only succeeded in wounding Hitler. He was executed by firing squad for the plot the next morning.

REALITY TO THE GERMAN DEFENSE MINISTRY: The curse of Xenu (Xemu? Emu? Whatever the name of that extra-dimension comic book villian that doubles for Satan in the Scientology "religion" is called) won't be upon your army sites, nor will it or the vengeful spirit of Claus von Stauffenberg be infested with Scientology cooties if Tom Cruise films there.

If you don't want to cheapen your war memorials by letting a bunch of dirty Americans film there, just say so. But this "Tom Cruise is a Scientologist, so he can't set foot here!"-excuse makes you look like bigger fools than Cruise and others who let themselves get bilked by the "money-making cult."

And Cruise & Wagner... come on, guys. Alfred Hitchcock made all of "Torn Curtain" on a sound stage. Huge chunks of "Where Eagles Dare" was filmed on MGM sound stages in Great Britain. Maybe you should try going Old School and spend your money in and around Los Angeles. After all, the tax loophole that let you make movies in Germany for cheap has been closed. So, stay at home, and let the Germans carry on.

(By the way, what possible impact could Scientology have on the portrayal of Von Staufenberg? How do you tell a Scientologist from a sane person anyway, particularly when they're PLAYING A CHARACTER IN A MOVIE THAT'S SET A DECADE BEFORE L. RON HUBBARD THOUGHT UP SCIENTOLOGY?!)

This whole thing stupid! (But I still feel strange thinking Cruise is the sane one here.)

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