Views & Reviews From Writer Steve Miller
Formerly Reviews and Stuff at Rotten Tomatoes, 2005 - 2009.

Currently Showing at Cinema Steve

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Tectonic Tuesdays: Jennifer Love Hewitt

In an effort to save innocent people all over the world, the "Tectonic Tuesday" series is devoted to providing supporting evidence for the divinely inspired claim made by Iranian holy man and modern-day prophet Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi. It is he who said: "Many women who do not dress modestly [...] spread adultery in society, which (consequently) increases earthquakes."

Third Case Study: Jennifer Love Hewitt

A child actress who grew up to wear revealing outfits on screen and outfits that reveal even more in magazine pictorials, Jennifer Love Hewitt became a danger to the world starting in when she and her breasts starred in the slasher flick "I Know What You Did Last Summer". The year was 1997, and in October (the same month the film was relased) central Chile and an earthquake and tsunami devastated Shikotan Island off the eastern coast of Russia.

In 2001, Hewitt played a slutty con-artist in "Heartbreakers," and the display of her cleavage on screens around the world caused the earth to shudder in American Northwest and the southern part of Peru. And since 2005, when she returned to series television to play a woman with a love of lowcut tops and the ability to speak to the dead in "Ghost Whisperer," there have been at least four major earthquakes every year! As if more evidence was needed, when Hewitt's latest photo-spread appeared in the May 2009 issue of Maxim magazine, Los Angeles was struck by an earthquake.

And all because of the immodesty of Jennifer Love Hewitt.

(This woman is SO nefarious that she's also been featured in my "Saturday Scream Queen" series at Terror Titans. To see more of this weapon of mass-destruction, click here.)


  1. I've said it before and I'll say it again: Our generation's Fay Wray.
    Who else could induce me to watch EVERY SINGLE EPISODE of some sappy tv series about a flakey antiques shop owner who sees ghosts, solves their problems, and leaves their families crying grateful tears and hugging each other EVERY SINGLE WEEK?
    Who else? Nobody else, that's who else.
    We are not worthy!

  2. I agree. And, while some episodes of "Ghost Whisperer" were just a little too sappy for my tastes, I generally enjoyed what I've seen of the show. I'm saddened to see that it's been cancelled.