Views & Reviews From Writer Steve Miller
Formerly Reviews and Stuff at Rotten Tomatoes, 2005 - 2009.

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Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Tectonic Tuesday: Billie Piper

The great Imam Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi stated in April of 2010 that: "Many women who do not dress modestly ... spread adultery in society, which (consequently) increases earthquakes."

Sounds ridiculous, doesn't it? But no more ridiculous than the words of any other man who has chosen by God, Allah, or Odin to bring wisdom to those who need it. And here is the evidence to support Imam Slammy's divinely-inspired message to the world--that women wearing anything more revealing than black-out curtains are a danger to us all!

Eleventh Case Study: Billie Piper

Born in 1982, Billie Piper is the British equivilent of Britney Spears, but a little less slutty and quite a bit more talented. She was a sexy teenaged pop princess with four Top Ten hit singles between her 15th and 16th birthdays, thus threatening the safety of the world before she could even drive a car. And in 1998, California and Afghanistan were both rocked by earthquakes.

As Piper's music career began to fade, due to bad management and a worse marriage, she turned to acting, with her most celebrated role to date being that of playing Rose Tyler from 2005 to 2008 in the revived BBC science fiction television show "Doctor Who." Given that she plays a character who snogs at alien, it is in retrospect of no surprise that the ground trembled in southern Greece and the island of Java in 2006.

Piper's threat to the world briefly subsided when she gave birth to a child in 2008, but she eventually returned to acting, recording her final "Dr. Who" episodes, as well as appearing as a hooker in "The Secret Diary of a Call-Girl." Needless to say, she once again caused an earthquake to strike Java, with 57 people dying as a result.

And all because of the immodesty of Billie Piper.

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