'The Villain' is live-action to Looney Toons

The Villain (aka "Cactus Jack") (1979)
Starring: Kirk Douglas, Ann-Margaret, and Arnold Schwarzenegger
Director: Hal Needham
Rating: Eight of Ten Stars

The Handsome Stranger (Schwarzenegger) volunteers to escort the lovely Miss Charming safely to her father... but the villainous Cactus Jack (Douglas) has dark intentions for both!


"The Villain" is a hilarious physical comedy that plays like a live-action version of the classic Warner Bros. cartoons featuring Bugs Bunny vs. Elmer Fudd or the Road Runner vs. Wiley E. Coyote. It even borrows several jokes from those cartoons... and they're even funnier when live people are put through their paces by them.

I'm sure some hysterical parent will be up-in-arms over the violence in this film, and I suspect there's some retarded kid who will watch it, draw a tunnel on the wall, and run headlong into it and crack his head when it doesn't become real. The rest of us, however, be we normal adults or kids who are congenital idiots, will certainly laugh ourselves silly while watching this highly underrated, very unusual comedy.

'Hot Fuzz' is greatest buddy cop spoof?

Hot Fuzz (2007)
Starring: Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, Timothy Dalton, and Jim Broadbent
Director: Edgar Wright
Rating: Ten of Ten Stars

When London's top cop Nick Angel (Pegg) is promoted and transferred because his superiors feel he's making them look bad (with his 400%-above-average arrest record), he finds himself in a village so peaceful that the police officers in the village spend their days eating cake and ice cream, and he is teamed with a young constable (Frost) whose idea of police work is shaped by American movies, such as "Bad Boys II". But when a hooded serial killer starts picking off some of the village's leading citizens, it seems Angel may still have a chance to do some real crime-fighting and police work. But will his fellow officers believe that it's the work of a killer and not just a series of freak accidents being inflated by a cop who is too highly strung for village life?


"Hot Fuzz" is probably the best comedy that will be released in 2007. I don't like to make that sort of hyperbolic declaration, but in this case, I think it'll be true. It's not only a hilarious spoof, but its script is so well done that it even works as a crime drama.

Like "Shaun of the Dead"--a film from the same team that made this film--"Hot Fuzz" takes the standards of a popular movie genre-in this case, the buddy cop drama-and gives them a distinctly British twist. This film is somewhat more farcical than "Shaun of the Dead" as it pokes a lot more fun at the quirks and cliches of buddy cop action films, but it still transmit an obvious affection for the genre on the part of the writers. In fact, if more police dramas and thrillers (buddy cop or otherwise) had scripts as well-crafted as this one, there would be fewer box office bombs.

The very best aspect of this film is that it's as realistic as movies of this sort get. Although there are points in the film where it seems like the film abandons realism for comedic affect-such as a scene where Sgt. Angel is chasing the hooded murderer, who seems to miraculously gain 20 yards over him every time he disappears around corner (because if Angel catches the killer at this point in the film, things will be over an hour in)--when it comes to the crimes that are going on is that everything makes sense when the truth comes to light. Even parts of the movie that just seemed like odd bits of comedy suddenly make perfect sense when all the twists and Big Reveals have been unveiled.


Another strong point of the film is the fact that the screenwriters truly wrote a mystery tale where they follow all the conventions of the genre. They lay out all the clues as to what is going on in the town AND they follow the old saw horse that if there's a gun over the fireplace in the first act, it better be fired by the third. (There are multiple of these guns in the movie--both metaphorical and actual--and every one of them is "fired", some of them in quite unexpected ways.)

While hardcore fans of the over-the-top cop dramas this film pokes fun at will probably find the first half of it too slow to be entertaining, those who appreciate British humor or British cop shows like "A Touch of Frost" or "Prime Suspect" should love this film.

Those who just enjoy crime dramas and suspense movies in general should also get a kick out of "Hot Fuzz", because the twists upon twists that are offered up here are more creative and clever than what is found in many serious attempts at the genre.

This is one of those rare "must-see" movies, and I can't recommend it highly enough.

'Blades of Glory' is a slick comedy

Blades of Glory (2007)
Starring: Will Ferrell, Jon Heder, Will Arnett, Amy Poehler, Craig T. Nelson, and Jenna Fischer
Director: Josh Gordon and Will Speck
Rating: Seven of Ten Stars

After two rival skaters (Ferrell and Heder) are banned from singles figure skating for life for brawling during the medal ceremony at the Olympics, they overcome their differences and team up to become the first male/male figure skating pair. Will they transform figure skating as the world knows it, or will they meet defeat at the hands of the sociopathic figure skating team of the Van Waldenberg Twins (Arnett and Poehler) or will they be killed by their coach's (Nelson) quest to have the impossible skating move "The Iron Lotus" made a reality?


"Blades of Glory" is a fairly simple sports comedy that uses gender roles and slapstick humor to illicit huge laughs from the viewers. It's very well written, fabulously acted, and perfectly paced. Ferrell is particularly hilarious as the crude, sexaholic, self-made figure. Arnett and Poehler are almost too good as the creepy bad guys.

Allowing for the fact that the jokes aren't all that original (even if I don't think anyone has quite given us such a twisted version of the figure skating world before, nor do I think any other movie has portrayed an obsessive fan stalking a celebrity as the catalyst for something good), this is an excellent film. The very end of the denoument gets a bit dumb, as it completely breaks with the tone of the rest of the film, but otherwise it's a thoroughly hilarious experience. (The end credits has some funny bits during them, too, almost as an apology for the stupid final moments of the movie.)

Is that a special kind of sheep dog?

Film star denies lamb tale

A Japanese film star has denied reports she was conned into buying a lamb disguised as a poodle.


Maiko Kawakami has dismissed stories she was the victim of a scam by tricksters importing lambs from Australia and Britain to sell as poodles to rich Japanese women.

It was widely reported that the scam came to light after Kawakami complained on a television talk show that her new poodle refused to bark or eat dog food.

"Ms Kawakami is very surprised by how much this has spread overseas. She was just recounting on television how she had heard of such a story while she was at a nail salon," a spokeswoman for her talent agency said.

"Ms Kawakami does not even own a poodle."

Police in Sapporo, where the fraudulent company was reportedly based, also denied the tale.

"We have had inquiries from so many media - CNN, CBS among others - and all I can say is that that article is completely made up," a spokesman said.

(From ananova.com)

Yes, Ms. Kawakami. We understand you don't own a poodle.

But do you own a lamb?



(BTW, the "media morons" referred to in the tag for this article are not Maiko Kawakami or her spokespeople, but rather the anonymous reporter who wrote this article,and all the other journalists who apparently didn't notice that even the original writer didn't fully believe the shaggy sheep tale he was relating, because even he states that "this has a whiff of the 'urban myth' about it."

Political Double Feature:'Welcome to Mooseport' and 'Silver City'

Here are reviews of two politically themed comedies from 2004, one of which was dated the day it was released and will take a well-deserved place on the scrapheap of cinematic history even before the end of George Bush's term in office.


Welcome to Mooseport (2004)
Starring: Ray Romano and Gene Hackman
Director: Donald Petrie
Rating: Seven of Ten Stars

When a just-out-of-office US president (Hackman) moves to the small town of Mooseport to get away from his ongoing, bitter divorce, he is cajoled by both the city leaders and his publicists to run for election as mayor. However, the local plumber and hardware store owner (Romano) also decides to run for the office. What follows is a contest of political saavy and trickery vs. small-town heart and honesty.


There is nothing really surprising in "Welcome to Mooseport". It is a pleasant little film, with mild laughs, a fine cast of actors used well, and some nice messages about taking risks for the right reasons and not becoming so goal-focused or complacent that you don't take notice of the truly important things in life.

Even more pleasing, "Welcome to Mooseport" is one of the few comedies with a political theme that I've seen in recent years that isn't a ham-fisted, badly executed screed against the George Bush administration. In fact, if anything, Hackman's president is based on Bill Clinton, as he is a womanizer whose wife is divorcing him and fleecing him for all she can get due to his many extra-marital dalliances. (Although I'm drawing a comparison with Clinton, the set-up is general enough that the film might be amusing to audiences even a few years down the road.)


Silver City (2004)
Starring: Danny Huston, Chris Cooper, Richard Dreyfuss, Maria Bello, Daryl Hannah, and Billy Zane
Director: John Sayles
Rating: Three of Ten Stars

A press opportunity and campaign commercial shoot for dimwitted gubernatorial candidate Dickie Pilager (Cooper) is disrupted when a dead body is discovered. Take-no-prisoners campaign manager Chuck Raven (Dreyfuss) hires burned-out-reporter turned private detective Danny O'Brien (Huston) to investigage possible links between the Pilager family and the corpse so he can institute damage control if he needs to. O'Brien uncovers far more than anyone had expected, and he drawn into a high-stakes political conspiracy involving billion dollar real estate development deals and illegal alien smuggling.


That summary of "Silver City" maikes it sound far more interesting than it is. This 2004 movie is so heavy-handed in its political messages (Republicans/Conservaitves ALL bad and evil and corrupt and stupid, Democrats/Liberals ALL good and pure and civic-minded and brilliant); the satire not even approaching clever or insightful, but merely recycled George Bush jokes that were old in 2001; and the mystery that Danny O'Brien investigates is drab and ultimately of a "so what"? variety. (But, it mostly becomes that due to the unrelenting, hackneyed political screeds that passes for the script and plot in this piece of junk.)

Who knew that so many talented actors could be so blinded by their politics so as to not recognize this film for a piece of garbage when they read the script?

This could have been a decent political thriller with satirical overtones if it hadn't been helmed by what I can only assume are a bunch of frothing fanatics. "Silver City" is the political equivilant of a third-rate drama airing late at night that Christian cable channel--if you're a True Believer, you'll think it's thrilling and funny. If you're even the least bit able to see that politics and politicians is far from a black and white game, and that no one rises to the top by being an idiot, and that no one is pure evil or pure sweetness and light, you will find this film to be a total waste of your time.

The only positive thing I can say about "Silver City" is that the cast all turn in excellent performances. I particuarly enjoyed Danny Huston, Billy Zane, and Daryl Hannah. I might even have liked Chris Cooper if his character had been just a tad more original and better written... but he did what he could with the unfunny crap he was working with.

I think the many glowing and fawning reviews this movie--which stinks worse than the corpse that ruins Dickie Pilager's film shoot--can be used as evidence for right-wingers who like to cry about liberal media bias. Only someone who is so severely brainwashed they're a mind-numbed robot could give this film anything approximating a positive review.

Crybabies and PC fascists rule the media world!

In Europe, Bryan Ferry has apologized for making a true statement... that the Hitler's Nazis were experts at propaganda and making some great looking movies. Ferry said in an interview: "My God, the Nazis knew how to put themselves in the limelight and present themselves. Leni Riefenstahl's movies and Albert Speer's buildings and the mass parades and the flags - just amazing. Really beautiful."

Ferry did not praise Nazis or Nazism. He made a factually true statement, yet crybabies looking for reasons to be offended took offense, and he has had to apologize for speaking the truth.

In tne United States, obnoxious talkshow host Don Imus has been fired and censored after calling a university basketball team a bunch of "nappy-headed hoes." The hunt for his head was led by race hustler extra-ordinaire Jesse Jackson (who once referred to NYC as "hymie-town"), and Imus was canned for offending crybabies looking to be offended. He even apologized for his remarks--which may or may not be true; I don't know if the basketball team is nappy-headed OR a bunch of hoes--and he was still fired.

I do know that the few times I've listened to Imus, I've found it to be a big waste of my time. I don't understand why he has a following, but I am annoyed by the swift caving that his employers did in firing him.

Businesses and inviduals really need to stop bending over and taking it up the ass from people who are just looking for excuses to be offended, particularly when those leading the chorus of the offended are hypocrites like Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton.

There's also the fact that that these "victims" of comments like those made by Ferry and Imus have the emotional maturity of retarded four year olds. One of the alleged "nappy-haired hoes" was quoted by the AP as claiming she was scarred for life by Imus's comments. Whoever this pathetic woman-child is, she needs to grow up. And she needs to remember the saying: "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me."

Brits upset about 'South Park' episode

I wonder how many of these offended crybabies were praising "Death of President" as a masterpiece and the height of cleverness? (In case you don't know, "Death of a President" was sqeezed from between the hairy buttcheeks of a British filmmaker.)

At least the "South Park" episode was entertaining, which can't be said about "Death of a President".

"South Park" creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone, having already offended almost everyone in America, have exported their outrageousness overseas, where the British are expressing indignation over a recent episode of the animated series depicting the Queen committing suicide.

Although the show has not yet been broadcast in the U.K., word of the American broadcast last week has teed off British bloggers.

"Tasteless, no other way to describe that show. ... It's such trash," wrote one.

Another described it as "cruel humor."

A spokesperson for Comedy Central, which produced the show, told the London daily Mirror, "South Park has never shied away from offending people in the name of comedy. Nobody is off-limits."