Oscar and Me

I think I've only seen two of the films nominated in any of the main Academy Awards categories this year, and only three even held any interest for me. ("Frost/Nixon" is a movie I intend to see, and now that it has opened in a theater near where I live, I may have a chance.)

Usually I am indifferent toward the Oscars. It's been over ten years since I actually watched them, and it's been at least three years since I gave the list of winners even a casual glance. They haven't interested me much in a long time, and I don't understand all the handwringing I've been observing about the lack of "Oscar Bump" for films this year. Is there similar handwringing with the Hugo Awards?

I will be very, very glad when this year's Oscars have come and gone. Maybe, just maybe, EVERYONE WILL SHUT THE HELL UP ABOUT HEATH LEDGER!


Or maybe they'll start an application with the Vatican to have him declared a saint. Given some of the worsphipful statements I've seen over the past year about him, I'm sure there's someone out there who will claim that Heath Ledger cured his blindness when he asked him for the time in the subway, or that he cured her cleft palette when she handed him his burger and fries at a fast-food joint.

The Complete 'Transporter' Series

The Transporter (2002)
Starring: Jason Statham, Qi Shu, and François Berléand
Director: Louis Leterrier and Corey Yuen
Rating: Six of Ten Stars

Frank Martin (Statham) is the underworld's chief courier, and he can deliver anything and anyone to any place, no questions asked. But when one particular package turns out to be a bound and gagged Chinese girl (Shu), Frank is forced to take on the mantle of hero.


I think I saw something in this movie that most reviewers did not, and I think that caused me to have an even more favorable impression of this film than they did.

Frank Martin and everything about him reminded me of Bean Bandit from the classic "Gunsmith Cats" graphic novels, and the film felt like an unauthorized live-action version of a Bean Bandit adventure. That character, too, is a hard-bitten rogue with his own never-compromised code of honor, drives a ultra-costumized car, will deliver anything anywhere against any odds, and can kick the ass of those he can't outdrive. In every detail that matters, Frank Martin is Bean Bandit. And like "Gunsmith Cats," this movie is more concerned about guns, fast cars, and action than about tight story logic.

The echoes of "Gunsmith Cats" and Bean Bandit aside, this is also just a fun ride of a movie. Frank Martin is a cool action hero in the mold of an Old West cowboy or an 1980s/1990s Sylvester Stallone or Arnold Schwarzenegger character. Unlike the characters portrayed by them, however, Frank is a man of style and refinement--his car is always spotless and his black suits and ties are always crisply pressed. Even after an extended fight, Frank looks sharp.

The biggest flaw with this picture is that I had the sense that filmmakers didn't have the guts to take the film where it needed to go. The film occupies a middle-ground between an early 1980s action film with a bit of a Dirty Harry vibe coming from its detatched-yet-heroically minded central character, and the over-the-top crazy comic-book-action rampage... and more than once is swings to one extreme or the other. The end result is a film that's mildly frustrating to watch, because it ends up being neither fish nor fowl. It's got action and plenty of it, but it's so inconsistent in its tone that it's hard to sit back and enjoy it.

And this is a shame, because Jason Statham plays a very good Bean Bandit... sorry, Frank Martin. If the vehicle had been just a little more soundly constructed, he could have taken us for a spectacular ride instead of a merely okay one.


Transporter 2 (2005)
Starring: Jason Statham, Katie Nauta, and Allesandro Gassman
Director: Louis Leterrier
Rating: Eight of Ten Stars

Frank Martin, a worldclass driver and killer (Statham), is hired to chauffeur and protect the son of a high-placed US government official. The boy is kidnapped, but that's only a prelude to a far more devious and far-reaching plot that only Frank (and a whole lot bullets and fancy driving) can stop.


When I saw the original "Transporter," I viewed it as an unauthorized movie based on the Bean Bandit character from the "Gunsmith Cats" graphic novel series. Its only real flaw was that its creators couldn't make up their minds whether they were making a serious, down-to-earth crime drama with fast cars, or an over-the-top comic-booky action film.

With "Transporter 2," the filmmakers came to a decision, and we are treated to one outrageous, thrilling, and waaaay over-the-top action sequence after another. What's more, the plot is clever and complicated enough that it keeps delivering unexpected twists almost up to the very end. (This is another step up from the first film, I suppose... the plot there was pretty straight-forward.)

Jason Statham is great as the always calm and coldblooded Frank, but, as someone once said, a hero is only as good as the villains he fights... and in "Transporter 2" Frank is up against some very nasty bad guys. The lead heavies are played by Allesandro Gassman (a druglord who puts every letter in EVIL) and Katie Nauta (a psychopathic sex-kitten who fires more bullets in 30 seconds than are fired in the entirety of most major wars), and they are both a joy to watch. The actors, the plot, and the action sequences all blend together seamlessly to make this a great movie experience.


So, why am I only giving it 8 Stars? Well, that is because there are two major flaws that made me sigh with irritation.

First, there is a pretty nifty scene where Frank uses a firehose to beat the living tar out of a bunch of gun-toting bad guys. It's a Jackie Chan sort of scene, although I suspect much of it is done with computer animation and clever editing rather than actual props. Unfortunately, the climax of the scene completely breaks continuity with the entire fight that proceeded.

Second, there is the final dispatching of Nauta's character. It's too easy and too coincidental for a character that has been built up the way she is during the film. I'm not spoiling anything by stating that she dies--if you've seen more than two of these kinds of movies, you know she's too evil to make it through the story alive--and it needs to be mentioned because that character's death is badly done both from a storytelling and a action movie staple perspective. There isn't even a touch of irony in the way she dies... it's just an "oops... she's dead" ending.

Nonetheless, I think this is a move worth seeing if you love over-the-top action films (doubly-so if you're a fan of "Gunsmith Cats".)


Transporter 3 (2008)
Starring: Jason Statham, Natalya Rudakova, Robert Knepper and François Berléand
Director: Olivier Megaton
Rating: Five of Ten Stars

Professional driver Frank Martin (Statham) is a man with a reputation that he'll deliver anything to any place a road will take him and his souped-up Audi, so long as his clients accept a few simple conditions that Frank insists upon. However, when a would-be client won't abide by Frank's rules nor take no for an answer, Frank finds himself forced to drive a mysterious package and an equally mysterious and totally obnoxious young woman (Rudakova) across Europe toward an ever-shifting destination... and if he tries to abandon the job, he'll be blown to bits by an explosive bracelet he's been fitted with.


"Transporter 3" is a step below the wild comic book action of the film immediatetly preceeding it in the series... and even a step below the film that started it all.

I suspect the filmmakers thought they were being topical with a half-assed environmental theme and oh-so-global-community-relevant-and-respectful with the films villains. They are eeeeeeevil American industrialists who are using any means necessary to force a righteous and pure-hearted Ukrainian politician to let them turn his nation into a chemical dumping ground. The truth, however, is that I don't think I've seen an environmentally-themed action flick this stupid since Steven Seagal's "On Deadly Ground". At least this film never gets preachy.

It's also not particularly logical or even intelligent in the way it's executed. The bad guys have grabbed the daughter of the pure-hearted politician in order to force him to do their bidding and they somehow feel the need to move her across Europe using a guy who doesn't work for them. A stupid plan that is doomed to fail. Why even move her anywhere in the first place? And why do the eeeeeeevil industrialists insist on having their cargoships full of toxic waste unloaded in the Ukraine? Why not just let Somali pirates hijack them? Or just dump the waste in Somalia where no one will be able to oppose them? (Or some other equally corrupt and disorganized hell hole... the world is full of them.)

But being stupid isn't the worst aspect of this film; I can forgive a certain level of stupid in a movie series that's evolving into a small-scale James Bond-type deal. The worst aspect of this film is that it never gets really exciting. It features some nice car chases, some okay fight scenes where Frank opens many cans of whoop-ass on hapless mooks, and a couple of cool action set-pieces, but the material that exists between them is poorly written. Not even Frank is very interesting in this film.


This is one of those pictures where the cast is let down by a weak script and a less-than-talented director.

Statham plays his usual laconic I'd-as-soon-kick-your-ass-as-talk-to-you character, but the lines he does have lack punch and the fight scenes he is placed in are ineptly choreographed.

Natalya Rudakova has a different look to her than most actresses that appear in films like this, and I think she might be an okay performer... but it's hard to tell because her character was so annoying throughout the movie. I can't for the life of me understand how the romance that developed between her character, Valentina, and Frank was supposed to have come from. (I was further annoyed by her character's tendency to wear too much eyeshadow. One of the evil characters did it in "Transporter 2" and now we have the heroine doing it in "Transporter 3". Will this become a signature of the series?)

All the flaws present in "Transporter 3" make this a movie that all but the most hungry-for-an-action-film viewers can skip.

Television and What Politicians Fear

In case you haven't heard, Obama and the rest of Democrats were trying to delay the switch-over to digital broadcasting next month because of a waiting list for government handouts regarding the converter boxes for old televisions. Here's a brief update from WENN...


The bill that would have delayed the February 17 switchover from analog to digital television failed to get the necessary two-thirds vote in the House Wednesday after House Republicans united to block it.

The GOP members had argued that a delay would place undue hardship on smaller broadcasters who would be forced to maintain dual transmitter sites for an additional 90 days and that it would confuse consumers.

They favor a more limited measure that would free up funds to allow more $40 vouchers for converter boxes to be sent to those requesting them. The National Telecommunications and Information Administration says that 2.6 million coupon requests are currently wait-listed.


There shouldn't even have been a voucher program to begin and it certainly shouldn't be expanded in the current economic crisis.

Television is not a necessity nor a Constitutional Right. It is a luxury, and the government should not be using tax dollars to fund luxuries for the citizenry.

Of course, if the American public wasn't zoning out in front of crap like "Survivor" and "Damages", they might actually start paying attention to how our elected officials are abusing their power and the money they extort from us via the tax system. If the American public started paying attention, we might actually see some real change in the way our government functions.

And that idea gives Obama and the rest of the Democrats, as well as most of the Republicans, nightmares.

Charles Scheer dead at 88

Producer Charles Scheer, best known for his collaborations with legendary special-effects wiz Ray Harryhausen, died on January 21 in Boca Raton, Fl at age 88, his daughter said Sunday.

Among his films with Harryhausen were "It Came from Beneath the Sea", "Earth vs. the Flying Saucers", "20 Million Miles to Earth", "First Men in the Moon", "The Seventh Voyage of Sinbad", and "Clash of the Titans".

Scheer produced 25 films, including "Hellcats of the Navy" in 1957. The film featured Ronald Reagan and Nancy Davis, his future wife, in their only screen appearance together.

Author John Mortimer dead at 85

British dramatist and author Sir John Mortimer has died at the age of 85, following a long illness. Mortimer passed away at his home in Turville Heath, near Oxford, England on the morning of Friday, January 16.

Mortimer was a prolific writer and best known for creating classic British TV show "Rumpole of the Bailey" about an ageing London barrister who defends any and all clients. He was himself a barrister before he turned to writing.

Don't Say I Didn't Warn You!

In order to help prevent America's cities from being burned to the ground in the great TV riots of 2009 that were predicted early this year by the FCC chairman, I am calling attention to the fact that today is the last day to order your $40-off coupon for a DTV converter box if you want to get it before the Day of Doom (otherwise known as Febuary 17, 2009).

Owners of TV sets who currently receive over-the-air analog broadcasts and who have not yet requested $40 coupons from the government to be used for purchasing converter boxes may discover that those coupons will no longer be available in less than two weeks, according to the Washington Post. In fact, it's taken up to FOUR weeks for the coupons to be delivered in many cases!

Those unable to obtain the coupons will have to wait until after the February 17 analog-to-digital transition day when the government determines how many coupons have not been redeemed.

So, if you think that can afford to pay full price for a converter box and you will panic and/or get violent if you turn on the television to watch "Oprah" or "Wheel of Fortune" and all you get is static, please order your coupon immediately! If not for yourself, then for America's children.

For God's sake... think of the children and go to [url=https://www.dtv2009.gov/]https://www.dtv2009.gov/ for your home entertainment version of government cheese!

(For the record, I ordered mine. If my tax dollars are going to pay off other people's mortgages and bad investments aod to welfare--otherwise known as the Earned Income Tax Credit--I figure I should get my government cheese, too.)

'The Spirit' is lacking

The Spirit (2008)
Starring: Gabriel Macht, Samuel L. Jackson, Eve Mendes, Scarlett Johannson, Louis Lombardi, Dan Lauria, Stana Katic and Paz Vega
Director: Frank Miller
Rating: Three of Ten Stars

The mysterious protector of Central City, The Spirit (Macht) squares off against the villainous Octopus (Jackson) over the secret behind The Spirit's powers and the key to world domination. But will triumph mean defeat for The Spirit? Has his long-lost childhood sweetheart, Sand Saref (Mendes), really joined forces with the Octopus?



I've been a fan of Will Eisner's "The Spirit" since the very first story I read. It's a series that's unique both artistically and story-wise, and it's one that is well-deserving of the place of honor it holds in the minds of well-read comic-book fans and scholars who study the genre.

It was for this reason that I was a bit concerned when I heard that Frank Miller was going to be adapting "The Spirit" to the big screen. Miller has shown himself to be a one-trick poney when it comes to story-telling, and I was afraid that he would "Sin-Citifie" The Spirit by reshaping the property into the sort of stuff he usually does.

The fact that Miller has long been a very vocal admirer of Eisner and his work made me hold out hope, however. I hoped that Miller understood enough about "The Spirit" to recognize that he had to take a different tack than he did on "The Dark Knight Returns" or "Ronin" or any of the Sin City graphic novels (and especially the Sin City movie).

Unfortunately, I held out hope in vain.

While it's clear from the film that Miller has looked at the gorgeous art that Eisner produced--the Eisner hallmarks of falling snow/rain, the splashing water, the plunging buildings, the femme fatales dressed in clothes that will fall off if they sneeze are all present in the film's visuals--but I can't believe he actually bothered reading the stories.

Miller has imported some of Eisner's trademarks (and The Spirit's red tie) into a world that is visually Miller's, but he completely missed the... well, the spirit of Eisner's work. Either that, or Miller isn't half the admirer of Eisner that he claimed to be, and he figured that he knew how to "do it right."

Miller also seems to have misunderstood a number of Eisner's characters, or he viewed them through his "Sin City" lense. How else can one explain the merging of master criminal Sand Saref, black widow con-artist P'Gell, and international jewel thief Silk Satin into one character and failing to include the humor surrounding P'Gell, Silk Satin's honorable nature, or Sand Saref's fundemental vulnerability? How else can one explain him taking three great characters are reducing them to nothing more than a beautiful dame in a skimpy dress?

"The Spirit" movie is an empty shell of a movie that rehashes, poorly, the visual approach taken in "Sin City" and Miller's writing style on Sin City. What little that remains of Eisner's creation are echoes so distorted that they barely warrant mentioning. Even worse, the film is boring. It is, quite possibly, the most boring movie I've sat through this year. (And I did sit through the whole thing; I kept hoping it would get better.)

Take my advice: Instead of wasting money on this crappy movie, spend it on one of the collected volumes of the real "The Spirit." The series was at its best during the years featured in Vols. 12 through 19. The forthcoming Vol. 25 will feature the story that first made me fan of the strip, a near-wordless fight between The Spirit and Octopus, a fight that is far more powerful and engaging than anything that's featured in this film.