'Hell and Hot Water' is great Predator tale

Predator: Hell & Hot Water (Dark Horse Comics, 1998)
Writer: Mark Schultz
Artist: Gene Colan (with sketch and cover galleries by Mark Schultz)
Rating: Eight of Ten Stars

When an alien spacecraft that matches the design known to be used by the Predator species is seen plunging into the sea off the Chilean coast, a group of SCUBA diving commandos are dispatched to take the fight to the alien and hopefully bring back some samples of the species' technology. Unfortunately for the brave Predator hunters, this is one alien who has come to Earth to hunt game even more dangerous than humans....


"Predator: Hell & Hot Water" is not only an action-packed Predator tale in a very unusual environment, but it's also a top-notch horror story. The horror overtones here are far greater than in any of the "Predator" movies or other "Predator" comics I've read. Further, it features a believable cast of characters--here's a group that actually works together as a team of professionals, instead of wasting effort and energy with in-fighting among the characters like we so often see in this kind tale--and is told in a very cinematic fashion with excellent dialogue and some of the best art from Gene Colan's drawingboard since "Raggamuffins" and "Silverblade".

The free-flowing, sometimes confusing page layouts that have become Colan's hallmark in the late stage of his long artistic career work exceptionally well with the environment of much of "Hell & Hot Water", which takes place in an undersea environment where up, down, left, and right must be considered equally at all times. Even when Our Heroes are on dry land, they have contend with threats that can come from any direction at any moment. Colan's art conveys this exceptionally well. If you're a fan of any of his previous work (in "Daredevil", "Iron Man", "Captain America", "Tomb of Dracula", "Night Force", Silverblade", "Howard the Duck", "Nathaniel Dusk" or "Doctor Strange"), you should track down a copy of this graphic novel for a look at late-stage Colan that is a impactful as when he was at his best.

This graphic novel is better than any of the "Predator" sequels that have appeared in theaters so far. I'll discover today, when I check out the latest one, if this remains true.

Al-Qaeda chef should get book contract!

From jihadwatch.com: Al-Qaeda chef convicted of helping Osama escape

Ibrahim al Qosi was reportedly the chef at Osama's "Star of Jihad" compound. I wonder if the journalists got it wrong, because that sounds like it might have been just the name of the on-base restaurant where Osama bin Laden and his pals would wine and dine their under-aged wives and gay lovers.


Regardless, Ibrahim al Qosi should get a publishing contract. Possible titles for his cook book could be "72 Favorite Dishes of Osama bin Laden and his Merry Band of Murderous Gourmands" or "Soda Surprise and Other Dishes for the Active Jihaddist."

At the very least, a chef to celebs like Ibrahim here should be invited to do a Bon Appetite article titled "How to Make Osama's Favorite Dish" with a follow-up "How to cook for Mullah Omar and Not Be Beheaded."

Forgotten Comics: Silverblade

Silverblade (DC Comics, 12-issue series 1987-1988)
Writer: Cary Bates
Artists: Gene Colan, Steve Mitchell, and Klaus Janson
Rating: Nine of Ten Stars

Jonathan Lord was a hugely popular Hollywood leading man throughout the '30s, '40s, and '50s. There wasn't a genre he didn't conquer, and there wasn't a famous literary character he didn't play. As age began to catch up with him, he withdrew behind the walls of his palatial estate high in the hills above Sunset Boulevard, with his friend and manservant Bobby Milestone and copies of his old films. However, thirty years into his self-imposed, lonely and bitter retirement, Lord's youth is restored and his granted the power to assume the form of any character or creature he ever portrayed on film by a mysterious spirit who has chosen him to battle an ancient evil that threatens to consume the world.


"Silver Blade" is a highly creative 12-issue series that deals with such mattters as pre-destiny, reincarnation, the nature of reality, and the lines between good and evil. It is a highly entertaining story of great depth, and it's a shame that it's never been reprinted in graphic novel form, given the crap that has been reprinted. ("Death of Superman"? "Batman: No Man's Land"? These were nothing but third-rate, elaborate advertising stunts.) It's an extremely intelligent series from a writer who has never really received the acknowledgement from comic book fans that I think he deserves. Bates' 100+ issues run on "The Flash" during the 70s and 80s is one that is criminally underrated, and "Silverblade" is a prime example of the fact that mature comic book storytelling existed before someone hit on the idea of marketing it.

One of the best aspects of the writing in "Silverblade" is that Bates uses Bobby Milestone--a former child actor whose life has been a string of failures since his movie career faded--as the primary point of view character in the story. Bobby stands apart from Lord's new life, and he remains very suspicious of what is happening, serving as the perfect "stand-in" for the reader as the tale unfolds. Milestone also becomes the anchor point when the series takes a couple of very strange and unexpected twists toward the end--daring twists, actually.

The artwork by Gene Colan is spectacular, as Colan's art through the mid-1990s always was. Colan brings the mixture of realism and surrealism to his art that a series like "Silverblade" demands. Although he is starting to slip past his prime here, he does a great job on this. Inkers Mitchell and Janson enhance Colan's art just enough to make it shine even brighter. (Yes, even the usually heavy pen of Klaus Janson is just here to augment rather than cover... then again, Colan is such a powerful artist himself that I doubt the heaviest inker could obscure his style.)

Maybe we'll see "Silverblade" re-presented in graphic novel form one of these days. It's long overdue.

IDF = Israeli Dance Force

Soldiers from the Nahal Brigade are expected to be disciplined for posting a video clip on the YouTube website showing them dancing on a deserted Hebron Street to the sound of an American pop song, while apparently on patrol.

I hope they don't get disciplined TOO harshly, as they went right back to patrolling and it looks like a harmless enough gag. I wonders how long they planned this, and how many spotters were involved, aside from the camera operator.

Tectonic Tuesday: Independence Day Aftershocks

"They hate us for our freedom," President George Bush famously said. And he was right. There are few things that fascist psychos and the dictators in charge of places like Iran, China, and Venezuela hate more than a population that is free to speak their minds and guide their own lives.

However, they also fear our freedom, because with it comes the right to dress as we choose. And with that comes scantily clad women. And with that comes earthquakes, as Imam Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi revealed when he brought the world this Allah-inspired bit of insight: "Many women who do not dress modestly ... lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society, which (consequently) increases earthquakes."

With warm weather and U.S. women having the freedom to dress as immodestly as they please at picnics and parades and backyard BBQs, earthquakes in July are only natural. In fact, immodest American women may become this country's greatest weapon when their power is harnessed after the Pentagon perfects the Earthquake Machine!

Yes, they fear us for our freedom. And here are some examples of why, in what is partly a post-Independence Day celebration of immodest American women, but also a continuation of my efforts to spread the wisdom of the Great Imam Slammy (as he is known to friends) to the world.

In July of 1985 Hawke's Bay, New Zealand was rocked by an earthquake and some 35 aftershocks. All because of immodest American women. (Pictured is Madonna, who has corrupted the chastity of men throughout the 1980s and 1990s. She is a bit beyond that point now, but she nonetheless continues to dress as immodestly as ever.)





In July of 2005, an earthquake struck the Nicobar Islands off the coast of India, and Tokyo was rattled by the biggest earthquake in decades. (Pictured is bikini model Jessiqa Pace, who has been making the earth move since the late 1990s.)




In July of 2008, an earthquake struck Southern California, showing that even the United States themselves can sometimes be exposed to the power of our nation's exposed women. (Pictured is singer and actress Jessica Simpson, who has been making the earth move since the dawn of the new millenium.)



In July of 2002 the earth shook in Balochistan and Karnitaka (both parts of India), as well as in the African nation of Cameroon. (Pictured is pop singer Britney Spears, who was the subject of the first Tectonic Tuesdays Case Study.)



And it's all because of the immodest women of the United States of America.


(That's actually Danish photographer Carlotta Oestervang wearing a US flag bathing suit, but the point still stands. She was in New York at the time.)

4th of July fireworks on a planetary scale

Independence Day (1996)
Starring: Will Smith, Jeff Goldblum, and Bill Pullman
Director: Roland Emmerich
Rating: Eight of Ten Stars

Monstrous space aliens intent on wiping out the human race launch a different sort of fireworks show for the Fourth of July, leveling Washington D.C. and the rest of the world's great cities. Earth's only hope becomes the surviving wings of the American Air Force, led by former ace pilot President Thomas J. Whitmore (Pullman) and current ace Captain Steve Hiller (Smith). Can they keep a secret desert military base protected long enough for scientists to discover a weakness in the superior technology of the aliens?


Not since the 1950s has anyone made such a grand "aliens destroy the Earth" movie, and I don't think anyone has ever presented quite such an epically heroic vision of the entirity of the American people as we see here. And nowhere but "Stargate: SG-1" will you find bubble-gum sci-fi that consistently shows the U.S. military as the good guys they are.

The formula here is part disaster movie, part action movie, and part sci-fi film. Nothing's terribly original, and the feel really is alot like a 1950s sci-fi film. However, with a special effects extravaganza that I still feel stands unmatched (the fighter-jets vs. aliens and mothership is still more impressive to me than the opening scenes of "Revenge of the Sith", the only bit of film that can compare) and a kind of storyline it would be nice to see in modern movies more often, this is an exciting sci-fi fantasy that provides non-stop entertainment and lifts the spirits.

The writing gets a bit lazy at the climax (well, very lazy actually) and this costs the film a Star on its rating. I still can't feel too outraged at this, because everything up to that point it so much fun. (I won't go into details what this bit of laziness is, because I don't want to spoil the ending... but part of me likes the worst of this misguided ending as I hate it; the dedicated Mac User in me chuckles every time I see it.)

Happy Fourth of July to US readers!

A picture is worth a thousand words, so here are lots of pictures in observance of the birthday of the United States of America.