Views & Reviews From Writer Steve Miller
Formerly Reviews and Stuff at Rotten Tomatoes, 2005 - 2009.

Currently Showing at Cinema Steve

Friday, September 7, 2007

Osama appears in Jackie Kennedy's hat!

Untitled Osama Project (aka "The Return of Bin Laden" and "Do You Like Gladiator Movies?")
Starring: Osama bin Laden
Director: Name Withheld Due to Extreme Cowardice
Steve's Rating: Two of Ten Stars

Osama bin Laden has graced the world with a new vanity short film.

Unfortunately, it's like most vanity project sequels... it rehashes what we've already seen and it focuses more on the star's ego than communicating any worthwhile (or even relevant) artistic or political statement.

The only significant difference between this latest direct-to-video work from bin Laden and his previous work is that he has finally come out of the closet and is publically acknowledging his homosexuality. The most effeminate of the terrorist set spends the film dressed in a hat inspired by Jackie Kennedy's famous 1960s wardrobe, and a yellow summer dress. He has also dyed his beard a dark brown in an obvious attempt to recapture all those years he spent hiding his love of tender boy-flesh behind exploding minions and big guns.

Another minor change, tied to Osama now flaunting his homosexuality is that he has set aside some of his usual Islamo-fascist rhetoric in favor of the sort of wild conspiracy theories that frequent posters to "The Daily KOS" and "Democratic Underground" like to rant about--how the eeeeeevil corporations are to blame for the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, not Osama and his still-in-the-closet self-destructive followers. It's too bad that Osama doesn't realize that he would find a more sympathetic audience among Republicans and tailor his message accordingly; there are far more closet cases among politically active conservative than among Democrats and other Lefties. Once again, Osama misses the mark with these videos, preferring to preach to those already converted to his point of view... although in this case, missing the mark is risky for him. He might alienate his current fanbase--the self-destructive closet-cases who'd rather blow themselves up than admit they're flaming love-muffins--but he is not likely not gain many new converts.

No more is that more evident than in this line from the film where Osama says, "I invite you to embrace Islam."

Given the film and Osama's performance, I can only respond, "I invite you to fuck off."

Most Americans (and most Westerners, except perhaps for the loonies who bought copies of "Loose Change") share that sentiment, even the closeted homosexuals who might admire Osama's bravery for coming out. Although every kind soul congratulates Osama in finally recognizing his true nature, not even those who share his sexual orientation are willing to be his bitch and "submit to Islam."

Although I recognize Osama is taking a real chance by coming out so flamboyantly--and thus is sure to alienate much of his current fanbase made up of self-hating homosxuals who can't face their sexuality--I still can't give this film a better rating than Two Stars. Despite Osama's new transsexual look, and his conspiratorial rantings, he's just playing the same old character as before and delivering the same, mostly useless message.

The Two Stars are purely for Osama's bravery in coming out, and because he looks better in that hat than Jackie Kennedy ever did.

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