Views & Reviews From Writer Steve Miller
Formerly Reviews and Stuff at Rotten Tomatoes, 2005 - 2009.

Currently Showing at Cinema Steve

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

My letter to Santa....

Dear Santa,

I've been pretty good this year, at least compared to years passed.

I've not made (much) fun of insane Muslim terrorists and their admirers--in fact, I have tried to foster greater understanding among them and the rest of the world with my Tectonic Tuesdays series.

I have also tried to say something nice about every graphic novel and movie I've reviewed this year, even the ones I featured at Movies You Should (Die Before You) See. And you have have to admit that one has to look damn hard to find something nice to say about many of those cinematic miscarriages.

I know you are very busy and that it might be hard to reach my house, given my proximity to air force bases and airports--no one wants to see your sleigh mistaken for a hostile aircraft and blown out of the sky by fighter jets--so I suggest you just go ahead and get me something of my Wish List at and just have it delivered through the post.

You are of course welcome to stop by, and I will have the usual milk and cookies waiting for you. But if you still think I've not been good enough to warrant a present, can you please at least wrap the lumps of coal in paper? Last year, the cats walked on them and tracked paw prints all over my best table cloth.

Your friend, fan (and hopefully on the Nice List this year),

Steve Miller

PS: If you need a suggestion for what to get those who like bad movies and to whom you won't be able to give cloned love slaves of Jeri Ryan, Fabio, and/or Ava Gardner, I think you should get them copies of 150 Movies You Should [Die Before You] See. I'm sure they'll love it, and you can get it to them in the traditional hard-copy or in electronic format for the Kindle! (The book can also serve as an alternative to lumps of coal for self-important film snobs on the Naughty List! I hope you'll find the suggestion useful, and I hope it will make it even clearer to you how good I've been this year. I am a changed man. Seriously!)

Merry Christmas!


  1. Don't forget to leave out some milk and cookies on Christmas Eve.

  2. Those are wise words from Tom that all of you should heed! I always leave treats out for Santa. He usually drinks the milk--spilling some in the process--but he hardly ever touches the cookies.

    Maybe I'll try oatmeal raisin this year instead of the chocolate chip cookies I have traditionally left for him.

  3. And just to be on the safe side, you might want to put out some bacon in case Al-Queda Claus drops by.

  4. Not a bad suggestion!

    Maybe even Santa would prefer a Double-down Sammich (those bizarre KFC things with bacon, cheese, and some sort of sauce between two breaded chicken breasts) instead of cookies!