Views & Reviews From Writer Steve Miller
Formerly Reviews and Stuff at Rotten Tomatoes, 2005 - 2009.

Currently Showing at Cinema Steve

Friday, December 30, 2011

Falco and Fred are 'Puttin on the Ritz'

Tips on how to party like it's 1929 as you celebrate New Years.

First up... Taco (and this is apparently the controversial original edit of the video.)


Fred Astaire, master of the debonaire.


And then there's this guy....

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Why Santa may not have been to your house (yet)

I hope everyone had a Happy Christmas or possibly even a Joyous Chrismakwanzaka. If there are those out there who Santa hasn't visited yet (like me... sigh), he was delayed in California.


Santa was arrested after allegedly insulting a female police officer when he said "Ho, Ho, Ho!" after she stopped him over to make sure he had the proper licenses and business permits to operate an aircraft powered by flying raindeer in California air-space.

Santa, however, was not going to be kept from his Christmas Eve rounds, even by the people in the Land of Fruits and Nuts.... and he soon made his escape from jail and was back on the job!


to transport flying raindeer over California

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Kim-Jong Il dead at 69

Kim Jong Il, North Korea's mercurial dictator has died. He was 69.

Kim has checked out.
A tearful television announcer reported the news on North Korean television. According to that report, the cause of the dead was "overwork" from his dedication to his people (and keeping them on the brink of starvation while neighboring countries enjoyed economic boom times).

According to sources who wish to remain anonymous. Lil' Kim breathed a sigh of relief upon hearing the news. She had reportedly been living in fear that Kim would take to rapping professionally and sue her for the name that by all rights should be his.

South Korean television reported that Kim had died during a train trip. They did not conform if he had died from overwork or not.

In honor of Kim's memory, we here at Cinema Steve suggests everyone buy a copy of "ROLF!: The Breast Hope for Peace" which details his heroic struggle against terrorists and Martians along side Barack Obama, Chuck Norris, and Huda the Bikini-clad Wonder of World Peace.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Students Occupy Boston (Students)!


Students Occupy Boston Yes, yes they do.

Occupy Boston Students. I wouldn't recommend it. Such activities got Roman Polanski, Jerry Sandusky, and who knows how many members of the Catholic Clergy in trouble.

But to be as smart and informed as the members of (Students) Occupy Boston (Students), get your 2011 Year in Review ala ROLF! collection for just $3.00! All proceeds go to making my Christmas a little merrier!

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Eduardo Barreto dead at 57

Eduardo Barreto, an artist whose work graced a range of DC Comics titles in the 1980s and 1990s has passed away. He was 57.

The cause of death has yet to be announced, but Barreto stepped back from the comic strip work he'd been doing for King Features syndicate last year after contracting meningitis, but in July of this year he started work on "The Phantom" comic strip.

I've been a big fan of Barreto since first encountering his work in "Atari Force." I had one of his drawings slated to appear in the Wonder Woman tribute series at Shades of Gray (and it will; next Wednesday). I will have to assemble a greater "exhibit" of his work.

Joe Simon dead at 98

Joe Simon, co-creator of such characters as Captain America, the Golden Age Sandman AND Silver Age Sandman, the Fly, Fighting American, and hundreds more, has died at age 98, according to his son’s posting on Facebook. He was 98, having just celebrated his birthday this past October.

The two Sandman characters and Fighting American rank among my favorite comics characters, and many of Simon's one-offs are also favorites. Heck, there are probably comics stories I love that he did and I'm just not aware of or remembering.

Together with his partner Jack Kirby, Simon revolutionized the superhero, horror, and romance genres — there pretty much wouldn’t be comics as we know them without the work of these two.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Completed Collection: Savage Sickos

With the advent of cheap home video cameras, filmmaking became cheaper and easier than ever before. With the arrival even digital home video cameras, filmmaking became even cheaper and easier than ever before.... one didn't even need real editing equipment to assemble a movie!

Starting in the late 1990s and continuing through the 2000s, horror and thriller fans were "treated" to a tsunami of cheap and badly made movies as everyone with some spare time and a few friends tried their hands at filmmaking.

The six-movie set "Savage Sickos" offers a sampling of such amateur films, a sampling that ranges from so-so to absolutely awful. It's a set for aspiring filmmakers to check out so they can see what NOT to do when making their movies. (Half of the films in the set are from Ryan Cavalline, a writer/director who made an earnest go at making real movies... between the years of 2002 and 2008, he wrote, produced and/or directed eight horror films.)


Savage Sickos Collection: 3/10 Overall Rating

Dead Body Man (3/10)

Demon Slaughter (3/10)

Disk Jockey (4/10)

Skyggen (1/10)

Slaughtered (0/10)

When Heaven Comes Down (3/10)

(Click on the titles to read reviews on the various Cinema Steve blogs.)



Saturday, December 10, 2011

What part of 'all-American' don't they get?

I think the ninnies who are up in arms over this latest bit of gunk from the "reality show" sewage treatment plant are missing the point, which is expressed, up front, in the show's title "All-American Muslim."

Deputy Chief Mike Jaafar, shown here in uniform. All-American Muslim.

According to Deadline Hollywood -- ‘All-American Muslim’ Loses Advertiser: The docu reality series has lost a major advertiser, Lowe’s, after a campaign by conservative watchdog the Florida Family Association. “The show profiles only Muslims that appear to be ordinary folks while excluding many Islamic believers whose agenda poses a clear and present danger to liberties and traditional values that the majority of Americans cherish," the group posted on its website.

Terrorist Jihadi assholes like Nidal Hassan, Samir Khan, Anwar al-Awlaki, Zachary Chesser, Jose Padilla, Adam "Goat Fucker" Gadahn, and Abu Mansoor Al-Amriki can hardly be described as "all-American." Fortunately, most on that list can be described as "dead" and others as "Bubba's Prison Bitch", but that doesn't change my point: Those assholes are only Americans because their passports say so. They devoted themselves to the destruction of all Americans, so they can hardly be described as "all-American."

Psychopathic Jihadists and those who fantasize about making sweet, sweet love to them are not the subject of "All-American Muslim", as the very title of the show makes clear.

Chief al-Qaeda Zoophile Adam Gadahn,
shown with a table cloth from Gino's Restaurante Italiano on his head.
NOT an All-American Muslim.

Maybe instead of calling for boycotts and trying to stifle free expression the Florida Family Association could direct their energies toward making their own crappy reality show about the self-destructive deviants committed to Jihad?

Then again... real thought and real work would have to go into such a project. I doubt active members of the Florida Family Association spend much time doing either.

Not that I necessarily recommend this or any other reality show (although this is a "docu series" wink-wink), but "All-American Muslim" airs Sundays on TLC. Click here to visit the official site for previews and broadcast times.

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Music Video Greats: Walking on Broken Glass

I'm in an 18th century/Mozart kinda mood tonight, as I finish the cover for "ROLF!: Sonata for Sirens in G Major", NUELOW Games' little celebration of Mozart's upcoming birthday. That made me think of one of the great music videos of all time.


Walking on Broken Glass (1992)
Starring: Annie Lennox, Hugh Laurie, and John Malkovich
Director: Sophie Muller



Made to promote Lennox's "Diva" album in 1992, this video for "Walking on Broken Glass" is set during a party for nobles in the 18th century. It features John Malkovich (who starred in "Dangerous Liaisons"), Hugh Laurie (who played Prince George in the "Blackadder" series, and he seems to be playing the same character here), and, of course, Annie Lennox, as Laurie's date for the event who is far more interested in winning back the affections of Malkovich's character, much to Laurie's embarrassment.

A great song with a great video that tells a story AND fits perfectly with the music.




Friday, December 2, 2011

'Dummy' is a feel-good flick

Dummy (2002)
Starring: Adrian Brody, Milla Jovovich, Illeana Douglas, Vera Farmiga, and Jared Harris
Director: Greg Pritikin
Rating: Eight of Ten Stars

Pushing 30 and still living at home with his parents, Steven (Brody) finds inspiration to give direction to his so-far aimless life in an old movie and sets out to become a professional ventriloquist. Along the way, the lives of his best friend (Jovovich), his sister (Douglas), and unemployment adviser (Farmiga) are transformed and improved as well.


"Dummy" is one of those smart, arty comedies that in my experience are either completely miss the mark and become either boring or depressing, or are very, very entertaining; I don't recall ever seeing one of these films fall into a middleground... although given the number of films I see, it's possible that one was just so mediocre it has faded from mind.

"Dummy" is neither boring, nor depressing, or mediocre. It's an excellent film is every possible way, with quirky characters that never feel artificial or forced, even when each and every one of their lives turn around from miserable states of loserhood to successes. In just about every way, this film feels like a modern version of some of those 1930s and 1940s comedies where everyone is struggling or is miserable in one way or another, but by the end everyone is happy. It's a great fantasy flick that way, a very uplifting, feel-good picture.

Everyone of the stars is excellent in the film. Adrien Brody in particular is remarkable in the way he manages to play a weak and milquetoast character and still commands the center of the picture at all times. And this is no small feat, because he's competing for our attention with a flamboyant and hilarious character portrayed by Milla Jovovich--Fangora, his life-long, socially maladjusted best friend who hasn't progressed much emotionally or socially since high school and is even still trying to make a go at being a rock star with an awful garage band.

As a character, Fangora is far more interesting than Steven, her character arc has a lot more comedy to it, and Jovovich is great in the part; if you've only ever seen her in "Resident Evil" and similar recent action films, you don't know what she's capable of as an actress until you see one of her more offbeat pictures like this one. But, despite everything pointing to the audience wanting her to be the center of the film--and wanting to get back to her story thread whenever were dealing with Steven and his romantic struggles with his single-mother employment adviser, or his attempts to shield his sister from her abusive ex--Brody is equally great in his part... infusing the whole movie with such humanity that his character remains the focus of our attention, despite it all. (Although I must say that when it came to the film's climax, it was Jovovich's Fangora and her band that I found myself more interested in, just because their path to possible success was so fun and outrageous. And to say any more would be a major spoiler and would ruin some of the film's funniest jokes.)

Much credit for this, of course, goes to writer/director Greg Pitikin for crafting the movie so perfectly, and for the excellent cast supporting Brody and Jovovich were surrounded by. Every right note is hit at the right moment, and everything is constantly clicking.

Except for the very last moment of the film. Literally, those final few seconds cost "Dummy" a full star, knocking it down from a high Nine rating to an Eight.

Earlier, I mentioned that this film a great piece of fantasy, and I meant that in the sense that it's one of those stories that makes one wish real life worked like this... where everything works out in the end for everyone, even the bad guys. Unfortunately, Pitikin took the fantasy aspect just one step too far at the very end, appearing to imbue Steven's dummy with some sort of magical quality. It's a move that seems out of step with everything that has gone before.

Despite one stumble at the end, this is a film that's well worth seeking out and checking out.





The Jovovich fans out there may be interested in taking a look at the Milla Jovovich Quarterly series at Shades of Gray.

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Best-selling NUELOW Games titles in November

Here are the best-selling titles for NUELOW Games this month. Our sales were not quite as strong as in October, and I don't think the Thanksgiving sale made a difference one way or the other; our prices are already so low that knocking a bit off the price won't entice anyone that wasn't going to buy anyway.

Next year, i think I'll just say, "Look! We've got stuff on sale for Black Friday!" (because we've got stuff on sale every day as it is....)

Still, it was a decent month... and I thank you all for your support. Please stick around.

Also, if you've got a short, rules-light RPG, get in touch. We'd love to add some gaming variety to our line-up.

NUELOW Games Best-sellers for November


1. ROLF!: Nine Days of the Ninja, by Steve Miller (Game Supplement)

2. Shanghaied Mitts, by Robert E. Howard (Short story collection)

3. ROLF!: Playwrights and Piledrivers, by Steve Miller (Game Supplement)

4. ROLF!: Day of the Turkey, by Steve Miller (Game Supplement)

5. Fists of Foolishness, including the Violent Worlds of Robert E. Howard RPG, by Robert E. Howard, Steve Miller, and L.L. Hundal (Fiction anthology/Core game)

6. ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game of Big Dumb Fighters, by L.L. Hundal and Steve Miller (Core game)

7. ROLF!: Supermodel Slapfest, by L.L. Hundal and Steve Miller (Game Supplement)

8. ROLF!: Icing Oetzi, by Steve Miller and L.L. Hundal (Game Supplement)

9. ROLF!: Gaddafi's Angels, by Steve Miller and L.L. Hundal (Game Supplement)

10. ROLF!: Herbert West vs. the Zombies, by Steve Miller (Game Supplement)

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Jailbird Parade:
Man Sues Couple He Took Hostage

From the Kansas City News, via KMBC: Kansas Man Sues Couple He Took Hostage.

I'm inferring from the linked article about Dirtbag Dimmick that he is representing himself in the breach-of-contract lawsuit against the people held hostage. If I'm right, then he has an idiot for a client. If I'm wrong, is there a way to petition to have his attorney disbarred?

Jesse "Dirtbag" Dimmick is also thinking about suing his dermatologist

Completed Collection: Drop Dead Gore-geous


This is another one of those budget-priced packages that gives you exactly what you pay for: You pay a cut-rate, you get four cut-rate movies.

The main attraction in this set, as well as the best film in the bunch, is "Kiss Daddy Goodnight." It's Uma Thurman's first film role... and while it may be the best out of the four, it's still pretty damn awful. There's nothing to recommend this collection, since every film in it is also available in much larger sets where you'll actually get a good movie or three along with the crap.

Drop Dead Gore-geous: 3/10 Overall Rating

Birds of Prey (1/10)
Kiss Daddy Goodnight (3/10)
Little Corey Gorey (4/10)
Slash Dance (2/10)

(Click on the titles to read reviews on the various Cinema Steve blogs.)



Sunday, November 27, 2011

NUELOW's fiction available at discount prices!

Through the end of Monday, November 28, the fiction anthologies I've produced for NUELOW Games are on sale at a reduced price, what with it being "Cyber Monday" and all. This is also in celebration of the newly launched DriveThruFiction.com website, which is the exclusive outlet for NUELOW Games' pdf-format fiction anthologies.

DriveThruFiction.com

Each of these ebooks (great for reading on the iPad or even an iPod Touch, and compatible with some models of the Amazon's Kindle) are currently priced at $1.50, no matter what the usual sales price is.

Click the titles below for more information on each book, and to purchase your copy for download. Help feed my hungry cats during this holday season, and get yourself some excellent reading material in the process!

Alice in Blunderland by John Kendrick Bangs (Humor/Political Satire): The Mad Hatter takes Alice for a visit in the perfect city he's founded... a place where everyone is perfect, because the laws are made to make politicians look good, to keep the rich prosperous, and the powerful powerful. (Sound like anywhere you know?)

Houseboat on the River Styx by John Kendrick Bangs and Steve Miller (Humor/Fantasy): A classic work of humor takes on new life as writer/editor Steve Miller "remasters" Bangs' "A Houseboat on the River Styx" and "In Pursuit of the Houseboat" into a single outrageous volume. Every owner of the book is garuenteed membership in the Associated Shades of Hades once they "cross over." Just don't tell William Shakespeare that "everything is better with Bacon" when you arrive.

Fists of Foolishness: The Tales of Sea-faring Boxing Champ Steve Costigan by Robert E. Howard (Humor/Adventure): Journey back to the 1920s and the seedy waterfront districts of the world's port towns for ten comedic misadventures from the typewriter and mind of the creator of Conan the Barbarian. Includes a complete roleplaying game, "The Violent Worlds of Robert E. Howard"!

Shanghaied Mitts: More Tales of Sea-Faring Boxing Champ Steve Costigan by Robert E. Howard (Humor/Adventure): Eleven more of Steve Costigans misadventures are chronicled, as he takes on all comers, including Mexican bandits, Chinese warlords, industrial spies, and con-artists. Includes an adventure for use with "The Violent Worlds of Robert E. Howard", or for stand-alone solo play.

The Deadly Sword of Cormac by Robert E. Howard (Historical Adventure/Fantasy): During the Third Crusades, there was a renegade Knight so fierce that he was feared by Moslems and Crusaders alike. His name was Cormac FiztGeoffrey. This book collects both novelletes that Howard wrote featuring Cormac.

Names in the Black Book: Three Nightmarish Mysteries by Robert E. Howard (Horror/Mystery): A trio of horror-drenched, hard-boiled detective mysteries.

White Fell and Other Stories by Clemence Housman and Robert E. Howard: Four off-beat horror stories that see lycanthropes clawing a bloody swath from the frozen wilds of Scandinavia, through the dark forests of central Europe, and to the sun-baked veldt of Africa.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

The best Hotel California cover (together with a great spoof)!

The video isn't much to write home about, but DAMN if this isn't a great performance and arrangement of a great song! Mostly instrumental, it captures all the beauty and creepiness of the classic Eagles song and gives it an entirely new and fresh life.

Leading the performance is Iranian musician Farhad Besharati, playing a Kanun, a traditional Persian 78-stringed instrument that has a reputation of being one of the hardest instruments to master in the world.




And on the flip-side... we have this (a "Hotel California spoof by Cliff Darby with a vaguely similar sound that made me laugh, and which I've posted to my Facebook page but not here):

Saturday, November 19, 2011

My cool new look...


It will persist until that eye no longer looks like an Occupy Wall Street protester crapped in it just before one of NYPD's finest pepper-sprayed me.

As they say in Occupy Tortuga...

Speaker: Yarr.

Crowd: Yarr.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

No posts on any of my blogs this week.

I am having really bad eye trouble. Hopefully, tomorrow's trip to the doctor will start to make things better.

I hope you'll check in at some point in the future.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Shakespeare may or may not have been a fraud....but this movie's marketing sure is

Anonymous (2011)
Starring: Rhys Ifans, Sebastian Armesto, Edward Hogg, Vanessa Redgrave, David Thewlis, Jamie Campbell Bower, Joely Richardson, Xavier Samuel, Sam Reid, Paolo De Vita, Trystan Gravelle, Rafe Spall, and Derek Jacobi
Director: Roland Emmerich
Rating: Six of Ten Stars

Edward, the Earl of Oxford (Ifans), is a brilliant and obsessive writer and poet, who is forced to keep his art secret due to circumstances of birth and the machinations of power-broker William Cecil (Thewlis). But his love of theater becomes overwhelming, and he seeks out a talented but struggling playwright, Ben Johnson (Armesto) to serve as his "beard." The play goes awry when Johnson hesitates and hack actor and all-around low-life Will Shakespeare (Spall) steps in and steals the credit. As Oxford turns from play-writing to politics in order to support his friends and proteges, the Earls of Essex and Southhampton (Reid and Samuel), playwrights and nobles alike are swept up in deadly and hidden machinations over who will take the throne of England after the death of Queen Elizabeth I (Redgrave).


The film's tagline and ad campaign drew me in. "Was Shakespeare a Fraud?" is an intriguing question for one such as myself who has enjoyed many different stagings of his plays over the years, and who loves the running gag in "Houseboat on the River Styx" about Shakespeare not being the author of his plays. However, this is ultimately a very small part of the film, which is primarily concerned with a chain of events that leads to the events known as the Essex Rebellion and behind-the-scenes machinations of the Cecils, a wealthy family of commoners. And, of course, the brilliance of Oxford as a writer.

The film, in fact, makes such a big deal out of how brilliant Oxford is that is ends up undermining its own conspiracy theory about Shakespeare taking credit for his work. According to the story, a number of plays attributed to Shakespeare were written by Oxford when he was just a boy and performed at Queen Elizabeth's court. In fact, the plays were seen by so many people that it strains credibility that when they start showing up in theaters and later performed at Elizabeth's court again that no-one remembers them from years before. In other words, within the universe of the film, Oxford's secret identity as a playwright is one of the worst kept secrets in all of England.

The credibility of the film is further undermined by glaring historical inaccuracies, ones that even non-history buffs or non-Shakespeare scholars will pick up on, with the most glaring of these being "Macbeth" presented as written and performed during the reign of Queen Elizabeth when it was wasn't written until King James was on the throne.

Now, the screenwriter has stated in interviews that he made those errors intentionally as a homage to Shakespeare... and they can further be excused by the fact that the film is presented within a Shakespeare-like framework with a presenter taking to the stage before and after the main events of the film, thus clearly framing it as a work of fiction where shadows may or may not offend. Nonetheless, if you're going to write a movie presenting the thesis that the greatest creative force to ever work in the English language wasn't who history records him to be--no matter how tangential that ultimately ends up being to the thrust of your story--it behooves you to actually present a little historical accuracy as far as his works go. Especially when in the case of Macbeth, there's no reason for the discordant note to be struck.

Aside from the glaring historical inaccuracies, this is an accomplished film. It is well-acted, beautifully shot, and expertly paced. The story structure is unnecessarily convoluted--as it's got a framing sequence within the framing sequence of the narrator on stage in a theater, and then adds frequent flashbacks within the main story just to add a possibility of confusing the audience--but the film is long enough that viewers get acclimated to the jumps back and forth after the first couple of times, so it turns out to be less or a drawback than it seems at first. The way character traits were conveyed through props and costuming was also impressive, with the fact that Earl of Oxfords fingers were always stained with ink while Shakespeare's were always perfectly clean was a particularly nice touch.

This is not a film for everyone; some will find it way too talky, and I suspect it might be painful to sit through if you've put any real time and effort into Shakespeare scholarship (given the inaccuracies a yahoo like me could spot without even trying), but if you're a regular viewer of "Masterpiece Theater," I suspect it might be right up your ally.

I'm still going to stick with the Shakespeare authorship theories put forth by John Kendrick Bangs, however.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Don't panic! It's only a test! The Red Chinese have NOT landed! Nor have the Martians!

A little later today, Wednesday November 9, there will be nation-wise test of the emergency broadcast system. You can read a short article about it by clicking here: National test to verify emergency system

You can find the event described in great detail at FEMA's website by clicking here.


The government is concerned that there are idiots out there who will assume this is a REAL emergency, in part because some local cable and over-the-air broadcasters might be too lazy or incompetent to provide graphics or long enough screen crawls that will make it clear that the activation of the network (today at 11am on the west coat and 2pm on the east coast, which is the same time due to the magic of time zones) is just a test. Of course, many of these are the same people who expected rioting in the streets and cities aflame when UHF stations switched to digital broadcasting, so one has to take their low opinion of the American public into a account.

One also has to wonder what sort of test of a central emergency alert broadcast system is so sloppily run that they haven't taken the time to show that they can actually broadcast. Wouldn't a true test of the system be one where a graphic or screen-crawl stating "This is ONLY A TEST!" transmitted from a central location for the 30 seconds the test will take?

At any rate, unless you see Martian War Machine vaporizing your neighbors, see the Red Chinese Army parachuting into the parking lot at the mall, or zombies shambling down Main Street (although you may have to look closely on that last one... you might mistake a bunch of Occupy Whatever Comes to Mind campers for zombies, or visa-versa), the 30-second disruption of your favorite radio and television shows IS ONLY A TEST.

(Although some cable providers--like Time Warner--have warned that viewers may have to change the channel or regularly programming won't resume. Which makes one wonder who those cable broadcasters survive the local tests of the EAS....)

Nine Days of the Ninja 2011!


The Nine Days of the Ninja Blogaton is almost over! But there's still time for you join in with a ninjtastic post or three! Put something ninja-related on your blog and send the link to me at stevemillermail(at [@])gmail.com.

Like the neigh-invisible Ninja, Nine Days of the Ninja has appeared suddenly and without warning! It's a blogathon that's one of the web's best kept secrets!

Okay... so I kinda dropped the ball in promoting it... BUT if anyone out there wants to participate, send me links to any reviews of or commentary on Ninja movies or comics, or if you have Ninja art or anything else Ninja you want to put forward, I will link to it in this post. Just email me the link.

As for me, I will be posting at least one Ninja-related post each day between now and November 9th on one of the blogs that make up the Cinema Steve Network. Like those written by others, I will be linking to them in this post.

Nine Days of the Ninja: Day One
Ten Ninjas from TV (Craig Edwards of Let's Get Out of Here!)
Movie Review: Ninjas vs. Zombies - at Terror Titans

Nine Days of the Ninja: Day Two
In the Video Vault of Mora Tau: "Sho Kosugi's Ninja Theater" (Craig Edwards of Let's Get Out of Here!)
Picture Perfect Wednesday: Here Be Ninja Babes! - at Shades of Gray
ROLF! Combat Maneuver: Kung Fu Face - at the NUELOW Games Blog


Nine Days of the Ninja: Day Three
A Public Service Announcement from Lee Van Cleef, the Master! (Craig Edwards of Let's Get Out of Here!)
Movie Reviews: The Mystery of 'Ninja Death' - at Watching the Detectives

Nine Days of the Ninja: Day Four
Movie Review: Ninja Death Squad (Craig Edwards of Let's Get Out of Here!)
Movie Review: Ninja Powerforce' - at Movies You Should [Die Before You] See


Nine Days of the Ninja: Day Five
It's a Dusk-to-Dawn Special with "American Ninja"! (Craig Edwards of Let's Get Out of Here!)
Saturday Night Ninja! - at Cinema Steve

Nine Days of the Ninja: Day Six
Movie Review:Enter the Ninja (Craig Edwards of Let's Get Out of Here!)
ROLF!: Bruce Lee & Sue Shiomi - at NUELOW Games


Nine Days of the Ninja: Day Seven
Maniacal Movie Poster Monday:Ninja Posters! (Craig Edwards of Let's Get Out of Here!)
Movie Review:Challenge of the Lady Ninja - at Watching the Detectives

Nine Days of the Ninja: Day Eight
Movie Review:Unmasking the Idol (Craig Edwards of Let's Get Out of Here!)
ROLF!:Nine Days of the Ninja - at NUELOW Games


Nine Days of the Ninja: Day Nine
Ninja Goodies from the Video Vault of Mora Tau! (Craig Edwards of Let's Get Out of Here!)
Random Ninjaosity - at Shades of Gray


Saturday, November 5, 2011

Saturday Night Ninja!

On the Saturday of last year's Nine Days of the Ninja Blogathon, I posted a couple YouTube ninja videos. I'm doing it again, including a reappearance of Ryan Higa. This officially makes it a tradition, yeah?






Thursday, November 3, 2011

Catch up with the Space Girls!

Over at Shades of Gray, I've been featuring Travis Charest's Spacegirl together with drawings from a variety of artists every Friday for the past few months. Chapter Two will start appearing tomorrow, but in the meantime, you can catch get to know the lovely (and deadly) ladies of outer space with this post here.

SPACEGIRL: CHAPTER ONE





SPACEGIRL
by Travis Charest
CHAPTER ONE EPILOGUE


Wednesday, November 2, 2011

'Allah's Curse' helped along by firebombing idol-worshipers

French satirical magazine "Charlie Hebdo" announced on Halloween (10/31) that the Prophet Mohammed (may peace be upon him) would guest edit the coming week's magazine. The details were reported here: Prophet Mohammed to 'guest edit' French satirical magazine - Telegraph

Idol-worshipers swung into swift and violent action in defense of the Prophet Mohammed (may peas be upon him) and His holy image. The details were reported here: French satirical newspaper Charlie Hebdo firebombed after prophet Mohammed announcement - Telegraph

You can read in the article that Mohammed Moussaoui, president of the French Council for the Muslim Faith (CFCM), said he "firmly condemned" the arson attack if it proved criminal. That begs the question, Mr. Henry Samuel of "The Telegraph," since we can't be sure if you got this guy's statement right since you only quoted two words, when is a Molotov cocktail thrown through a window not criminal?)

And if Mr. Henry Samuel of the Telegraph DID quote him accurately, is it an insult to the Prophet Mohammed (may pizza be upon him) if you're a dumb-ass while sporting His name? If this is the case, would it be criminal to firebomb Mohammed Moussaoui home?

Nonetheless... "Allah's Curse" once again appears to be helped along by idol-worshiping psychopaths. At least this time, they didn't murder anyone.

Which brings us to the ceremonial Mohammed Cartoon in honor of his faithful worshipers.

Monday, October 31, 2011

Best-selling titles in October

As some of you may know, I run a small (VERY small) publishing operation. And it's time for the monthly best-seller report.

NUELOW Games had a very good month. I attribute this to the fact that the Occupy the Gaming Table Movement really DOES represent 99% of all Americans. And then there were the better-than-expected sales on the collection of humor stories from Robert E. Howard, "Fists of Foolishness", doing better than expected, and a number of you out there taking advantage of our "Play a New RPG Month" discount package to try out "ROLF!: The Roleplaying Game of Big Dumb Fighters." Thank you for your support. I hope you felt that your money well spent!

Here are the top sellers.


Best-Selling NUELOW Games Titles for October 2011


1. ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game of Big Dumb Fighters [Core Game Rules]

2. ROLF!: Creature Feature [Supplement]

3. Fists of Foolishness [Short Story Anthology featuring works by Robert E. Howard]

4. ROLF!: Supermodel Slapfest [Supplement]

5. ROLF!: Herbert West vs. the Zombies [Supplement]

6. ROLF!: The Pimp, the Protester, and the Po-Po [Supplement]

7. ROLF!: The Associated Shades of Hades [Supplement]

8. ROLF!: Icing Oetzi [Supplement]

9. ROLF!: Hammerin' Tongs [Supplement]

10. ROLF!: The Breast Hope for Peace [Supplement]

Friday, October 28, 2011

Something for Seattlites to do on Halloween!

Are you one of those people who like to duck trick-or-treaters on Halloween? If so, Washington's Twelfth Night Productions is here to help!

This weekend--including on Halloween Night, Oct. 31--they are performing a recreation of Orson Welles's legendary "War of the Worlds" adaptation... the one that caused panic on the East Coast when listeners became convinced aliens really had landed and were firing death rays with wild abandon.

Click here for curtain times and more information.

Monday, October 24, 2011

McDonald's McRib sandwich returns!

And there was much rejoicing!

McDonald's McRib sandwich returns for second year in row | Reuters:


"It [the wondrous sammich that is the McRib] unfortunately does attract people, but does not contribute to a healthy diet," said Heather Morris, a dietitian at the Chicago-area Loyola University Medical Center.

Killjoy.

If you ask me, anyone who in 2011 eats at McDonald's and excepts a healthy diet deserves clogged arteries and massive strokes.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Vignettes from The Lonely Island

I think the point at which I decided that rap was, generally speaking, a moronic stripe of popular music was when 2LiveCrew starting spewing garbage into the air during the late 1980s/early 1990s... and it's not gotten any better since.

That said, I am always amused when I come across comedy groups like The Loney Island. I first became aware of them with their "Jack Sparrow" single where they teamed up with Michael Bolton to skewer parody the rich fantasy life of many rappers and hip-hoppers by contrasting it with a different kind of fantasy life.

Here are some of The Lonely Island's best parody songs and videos, including ones where they team with famous performers who are so game that they make fun of their own styles and pop music genres. Great stuff... especially the ones mocking rap and hip-hop.

(I probably don't need to mention this, but these videos are NOT safe for work.)

First, let's meet the boys of The Lonely Island...






And here's one of the most honest songs and videos ever recorded. Jessica Alba is now officially forgiven for the crime of appearing in "The Love Guru."



This one carries with it a very important message. It should be heeded by all.



And their greatest hit so far... it almost tops "Jack Sparrow" as far as skewering rap songs and their videos.





Friday, October 14, 2011

Islands by Mike Oldfield (Bonnie Tyler lead vocalist)

A pretty song from a good album. The video's kind of weak, but there have been far worse made.






Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Nigerian pleads guilty to underwear bomb attack

This just in:

Jihadist pleads guilty to setting own penis on fire while attempting to murder innocent people on a Detroit-bound plane: "If you laugh with us now we will laugh with you later on the day of judgment," Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab said.

To which I respond: Sorry, Hot Rod. I'm too busy laughing AT you and your fellow misbegotten, moronic Lions of Islam to laugh with you.

I hope you rot in prison for a very long time. And I hope they laugh with you, as your cellmate wages Jihad on your ass.

Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab: Lion of Islam,
who aspired to turn his penis into Allah's flaming sword!
(Abdulmutallab is noted as the brightest follower of Anwar al-Awlaki.)

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Oh No! Al-Qaeda is mad & threatening to kill us!

BlahblahblahAllahblahblahblahJiIIIIHAAAAAAAADblahblahblahDEATHTOAMERICAAAAAAAblahblahblahRRRRRRREVENGEblahblah.

Al-Qaida confirms killing of US-born "cleric": Al-Qaida's Yemeni offshoot on Monday confirmed the killing of U.S.-born militant cleric Anwar al-Awlaki late last month and vowed to avenge the propagandist's death.

Anwar al-Awlaki is presently being raped by demons in Hell, so it's a win for the good guys.

Still, he was held high regard by some, so I want to acknowledge his legacy, as respectfully as I know how... by posting a few cartoons of the Prophet Mohammed. He loved looking at them so much that he issued a death warrant on cartoonist Molly Norris when she apologized for offending idol-worshipers like al-Awlaki and promised not to draw any more Mohammed cartoons.

I hope Satan gives you a break between rape sessions, Anwar. It would be a shame if only your loyal followers got to see this small tribute to your legacy.



And, finally, an image of The Man Himself, as he would want to be remembered... surrounded by family and all he held dear.