Views & Reviews From Writer Steve Miller
Formerly Reviews and Stuff at Rotten Tomatoes, 2005 - 2009.

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Thursday, July 5, 2012

Jailbird Parade: A Cautionary Tale About Coffee?

The latest addition to the Jailbird Parade is Kenneth Sands, a driver for the Rainier School District (in Washington State). He has been convicted of molesting three high school volleyball players and two women during a volleyball game in Onalaska on Oct. 18.

Kenneth Sands: Victim of an evil, EVIL drug... or just a sack of lame excuses?

Why did he grope teenage girls and middle-aged women on that fateful day? Caffiene!

"That caused a psychotic episode," he told the court. "My son-in-law and daughter had never seen that kind of behavior from myself."

Now... I don't doubt for a moment that too much caffeine might cause symptoms that could mimic mental disorders. A few years back, I was drinking 10-12 cups of coffee a day. I went to the doctor complaining about certain symptoms... and she asked if there was a history of mental illness in my family.

When she started discussing my diet, she told me to cut back on the coffee and caffeine. WAAAY back.

I'm now down to about 5 cups a day. Still too much, but the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem right?

Well, Mr. Sands may have a problem that he's blaming on the wrong source. During all my years of excessive caffeine intake, I've never gone on a molestation spree.

Can we lay off the Twinkie Defense-style defenses already?

The full story is here.

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