Dino De Laurentiis dead at 91

Prolific Italian film producer Dino De Laurentiis has passed away in Los Angeles at the age of 91. Entering the film business in 1941, he reportedly produced over 500 films, spanning almost every genre and budget level. Among his many movies are "Barbarella" and "Danger Diabolik"; the two Conan movies starring Arnold Schwarzenegger; and the Stephen King adaptations "The Dead Zone", "Cat's Eye", "Silver Bullet", "Maximum Overdrive", and "Sometimes They Come Back".

Nine Days of the Ninja: After Action Report

"Nine Day of the Ninja" for 2010 has come and gone, and those mysterious masked assassins have faded back into the shadows. But you never know when they'll show up again at Watching the Detectives, or, more likely, at Movies You Should (Die Before You) See.

I will be doing this again next year. I tried to put my focus in a different place than what is usual for me, which meant staying away from the craptacular ninja movies from Hong Kong. As a result, I learned a few new things about the genre. Visitors and emailers helped broaden my horizons as well. Next year, I'll probably learn a few more Ancient Ninja Secrets, and perhaps this blogathon will even be more than just a one-man show!

But here's an overview of the Great Ninja Onslaught of 2010. Each review is listed on my usual 0-10 Star scale, with 5 and 6 representing films of average quality. A total of 15 films and 3 graphic novels were covered, with two funny YouTube music videos thrown in for good measure.

Day O: Posts Heralding the Coming of "Nine Days of the Ninja"
(Noteworthy mostly for the pictures)
N is for Ninja; that's good enough for me (August 25)
Coming Soon: Nine Days of the Ninja (September 27)
Rushing Toward "Nine Days of the Ninja" (October 29)
Starting Monday: Nine Days of the Ninja (October 29)
Be a Ninja in 30 Seconds of Less! (October 31)

Day One: Enter the Ninja!
The Nine Days of the Ninja are Upon Us!
Ninja the Protector, 1986 (Film Review: 3/10 Stars)
Street Angel, 2006 (Graphic Novel Review: 10/10 Stars)

Day Two: When Ninja Attack!
Cyber Ninja, 1988 (Film Review: 5/10 Stars)

Day Three: Where Ninja Dare!
The Ninja Rap (Music Video Spoof)
Ninjitsu, 1957 (Film Review: 5/10 Stars)

Day Four: Death of a Ninja!
Empowered, Vols 3 & 4, 2008 (Graphic Novel Review, 10/10 Stars)
Ninja Champion, 1980 (Film Review: 1/10 Stars)
Red Shadow, 2004 (Film Review: 7/10 Stars)

Day Five: The Ninja Strikes Back!
The Ninja Glare (Music Video Spoof)
The Pacifier, 2005 (Film Review: 6/10 Stars)

Day Six: Saturday Night Ninja!
The Legend of Bigfoot, 1976 (Film Review: 1/10 Stars)
Ninja Hunt, 1964 (Film Review: 8/10 Stars)

Day Seven: The Passion of the Ninja!
The Machine Girl, 2007 (Film Review: 7/10 Stars)

Day Eight: The Ninja in Winter
Seventeen Ninja, 1962 (Film Review: 7/10 Stars)

Day Nine: The Ninja's Last Stand!
The Complete Street Fighter: Street Fighter, Return of the Street Fighter, and The Street Fighter's Last Revenge, 1974-1979 (Film Reviews: 8/10, 6/10, 5/10)
Golden Ninja Invasion, 1987 (Film Review 3/10 Stars)
Ninja Wars, 1982 (Film Review: 7/10 Stars)

And here are some Ninja Statistics to consider as we wait for the 2011 Nine Days of the Ninja:

The Complete Street Fighter

Although the word "ninja" never comes up in the "Street Fighter" series, the character played by Sonny Chiba, in the three movies that collectively make up his most famous effort internationally, sure seems like a ninja to me. So, on this, the final of the Nine Days of the Ninja, I bring you The Complete Street Fighter! Three movies of eye-gouging, penis-ripping glory in which Sonny Chiba takes the ancient art of making goofy faces while doing martial arts to heights that Bruce Lee could only have dreamed of!

If you want to see what REAL martial artists are capable of--what truly talented fighters can do without camera tricks and wire-harnesses--you need to check out these films.


The Street Fighter (1974)
Starring: Sonny Chiba, Waichi Yamada, Yutaka Nakajimam, Akira Shioji, and Tony Cetera
Director: Shigehiro Ozawa
Rating: Eight of Ten Stars

When a gruff, anti-social martial-artist-for-hire (Chiba) turns down a Yakuza contract to kidnap the heiress of an oil-based financial empire (Nakajimam), he discovers they'd rather kill him than risk him revealing their plans. So, he does the only sensible thing a human engine of death and destruction can do: He offers his services in protection of the heiress, and proceeds to tear through her enemies like so much tissue paper. However, a callous act of his past will come back to haunt him, complicating his fight against the foot-soldiers of the international crime cartel.

"The Street Fighter" may be a fairly low-tech and low-budget action film, but it shows that martial arts fights scenes don't need wires and CGI to be exciting... they just need actors who really know their stuff!

When it comes right down to it, the plot in this film is pretty nonsensical and so full of holes that it'll collapse if you try to give it even the slightest thought. But who cares? The fight scenes are extremely cool and horribly violent at times. (Is there any other film where the hero has ripped the gonads off a would-be rapist with his bare hand?)

Interestingly, despite the films title, the main character, martial arts mercenary Takuma "Terry" Tsurugi doesn't seem like much of a street fighter. He seems far more like a ninja, both in how he dresses and how he behaves. This is no more clear than in the film's climax where he singlehanded takes on a floating nest of bad guys on an oil tanker. (I also think that this, more than any other film, must have inspired the notion that the purpose of the ninja is to flip out and kill people. Lord knows Terry does some flipping out AND he kills a ton of people in this movie!)

Although "The Street Fighter" was rated X for its eye-gouging, throat-slitting, and penis-ripping graphic violence back when it was first released in 1974, I really didn't see any violence worse than the average slasher flick or "torture porn" movie that gets R-ratings these days. (And unless the censors were a little more artful with this film than usual, I think I viewed an uncut copy.)

"The Street Fighter" is a movie that fans of martial arts and action films need to see. It's a classic of the genre, weak script aside, its got great fight scenes, great soundtrack music (with a catchy theme)... and Sonny Chiba makes more goofy faces while fighting in this single movie than Bruce Lee did in his entire career!


Return of the Street Fighter (1975)
Starring: Sonny Chiba, Masafumi Suzuki, Yôko Ichiji, Masashi Ishibashi, and Hiroshi Tanaka
Director: Shigehiro Ozawa
Steve's Rating: Six of Ten Stars

Takuma "Terry" Tsurugi (Chiba) opens a new can of whup-ass when Otaguro (Tanaka), the master of a martial arts school that's serving as a money-laundering front for an international partnership forged by the Mafia and Yakuza, targets the incorruptible martial arts master Masaoka (Ishibashi) for death. But can even Terry's powerful Karate carry the day when female assistant (Suzuki) is plotting with Otaguro, and an old and deadly enemy returns from the grave to confront him?

"Return of the Street Fighter" has fight scenes as great as the ones in the first movie. Some are even better, like the Terry's mountain-top fight against a band of expert martial artists armed with traditional Japanese weapons, or his confrontation and battle with Jonju, whose pulse someone clearly should have thought to take as the end credits rolled on "The Street Fighter". Oh, and while Terry does about the same amount of skull-cracking, bone-breaking and internal organ crushing as in the first film, he doesn't make nearly the same amount of funny faces while doing it. (Those are reserved almost entirely for the climactic battle where Terry takes on a whole building full of gangsters.)

Although the story is full of logical lapses and incomprehensible actions on the part of the characters, the story is a bit stronger, because it draws the lines between the good guys and bad guys a bit more clearly. Terry may be even more amoral and money-grubbing than he was in the first film, as he starts this film in the employ of the gangsters as an assassin. However, his change-of-heart to join the side of the good guys appears to be motivated by a sense of justice... or at least a desire for revenge, because the employers he turns against here make the international gangsters from "The Street Fighter" look like a bunch of Mormon missionaries.

With a slightly stronger storyline, more evil bad guys and lots of cool martial arts scenes (which include a little Wire-Fulooooooong flashbacks that consist of clips taken from "The Street Fighter". Some 10-15 minutes of the film's 83-minute running time is included for no reason other than to make the film longer.

(Interestingly, the filmmakers almost entirely avoided the one bit of recycling I wish they had engaged in--the reusing of the "Street Fighter Theme" from the original film. I think we only hear it once in this film.)

It's a shame the director or producers couldn't be content with a 70 or 75 minute film. Just losing the bulk of the padding would have made this a far superior movie (and would have earned it a 7-rating in my eyes). It's still entertaining, and if you enjoy martial arts films I think you'll get a kick out of Terry Tsurugi second round against international organized crime.


The Street Fighter's Last Revenge (1979)
Starring: Sonny Chiba, Reiko Ike, Koji Wada, Tatsuo Endo, Akira Shiojo, Sue Shihomi, and the Voice of George Takai
Director: Shigehiro Ozawa
Steve's Rating: Five of Ten Stars

Mercenary martial arts expert (read ninja!) Takuma "Terry" Tsurugi (Chiba) is hired by a criminal syndicate to secure the secret formula for a synthetic type of heroin that can be manufactured for virtually nothing. Instead of paying Terry the agreed-upon-sum, the gangster try to cheat and kill him--will they never learn?--which causes Terry to kick much ass and steal part of the formula to hold it until he is paid. When a corrupt district attorney (Wada) and an exceptionally slutty vamp (Ike) get in on the action, even more ass is kicked, and much crossing and double-crossing takes place. Will Terry EVER get paid?!

"The Street Fighter's Last Revenge" is the second and final sequel to "Street Fighter". It has a few improvements over "Return of the Street Fighter", but, overall, it's another step downward quality-wise.

On the upside, the film is as fast-paced as the original "Street Fighter", perhaps even moreso, because it is virtually padding-free. There are no long, nearly pointless sequences of students practicing martial arts (as we had in the original film) nor are there reels worth of repeated footage (as we had in "Return of the Street Fighter"). In fact, there is hardly a quiet moment in the entire film--even a semi-romantic/comic interlude ends up presenting some action.

On the downside, the film has a rushed quality to it. The foley work is downright pathetic, with the same sound being used for a ribcage being crushed as for a punch in the face, and the same same gun sound for a shotgun or a revolver. The fight scenes are not nearly as impressive or well-choreographed as in the first two films, and there is more one instance where even the camera placement is off to the point where it's evident that blows aren't actually connecting.

Even more disappointing is the change that has been made to the character of Terry Tsurugi; in this film, his in-your-face brutality has been dialed back a couple of notches and his apartment has sprouted secret compartments and he has developed disguise skills that rivals those of the agents from "Mission Impossible". He's even making fewer funny faces while channeling his chi and breaking people's bones. (He still has his moments of extreme brutality, such as when he tosses a foe into an oven in a crematorium and turns on the fire, but, overall, he comes across as if he was James Bond with a smaller operating budget and no social graces.)

For the dubbed English language version, there are the additional problems of what I am certain amounts to bad translations that end up making it hard to identify who the various factions in the film are, the fact that most of the voice actors are so bad that shouldn't even be allowed to do computer game voices, and that it's very distracting to hear George Takai doing one of the film's villains. Someone with such a distinctive voice shouldn't really be doing live-action dubbing once their face is famous.

Although fast-paced and entertaining, "The Street Fighter's Last Revenge" is a disappointing close to the series. While the finale of the film involves an explosion, it still closes the book on the Street Fighter not with a bang but with a whimper. (Come to think of it, even Terry's final lines have a bit of a whiny, whimpering quality to them. Of course, if I was looking at the terrible sight he was gazing upon, I'd feel a bit whiny too.)

Click here for information

John Nolte: Where's Hollywood's Love for BHO?

Columnist and movie critic Jim Nolte has written an amusing commentary about how the celebretards are turning their backs on The One.

"Poor Barack, in Hollywood today he doesn’t even rate above a child rapist."

Click on the link to read his column. Is he right?

Personally, I think he may be counting the Hollywood Obammunists out a little too soon. I'm anticipating a rising level of nonsense and continued Obama idolatry from them, with the floodgates of stupidity and hysteria to be destroyed around June 2012. The cries of "vote for Obama, you stupid-heads or I'm gonna leave your stupid country because you're all stupid stupid stupid-heads" (like Alec Baldwin and Johnny Depp did when Bush was running for re-election) and threats to commit suicide if Obama isn't elected (like Tina Fey did, during the 2008 election) will get so bad that it'll make Randy Quaid's claims of being hunted by the Hollywood Star Whackers seem well-balanced and sane.

Because while, as Notle says, Hollywood celebretards can't stand the appearance of failure, most of them also do whatever they're told. And the Democrat party is going to continue to tell them to support Obama.

Fritz Lang's 'Metropolis' on TMC tonight!

About once a year, I have a moment when I wonder if my long-standing choice of not having cable TV is in my best interest. For 2010, that moment is now.

On Sunday, November 7 at 8pm (tonight!), Turner Classic Movies is playing the television premiere of the newly restored version of "Metropolis" starring Brigitte Helm. The version being aired will feature 24 minutes that reportedly haven't been seen by the public in half a century or more.

"Metropolis" is the coolest silent sci-fi flick of them all, and, without question, one of the coolest sci-fi flicks ever. It's the story of a futuristic society threatened with destruction when a pair of young idealists attempt to bring equality and justice to its workers... and the city's leader tries to prevent change through some shocking means. If you're not like me, and you have cable television, I recommend watching it. Meanwhile, here are some pictures to whet your appetite.

For my take on some slient movies, click here to visit Shades of Gray.

Bigfoot: The World's Greatest Ninja?

If there's one creature who is more elusive than a Master Ninja, it's Bigfoot. He goes where he wants, when he wants, and no one is ever really able to see him. And this despite the fact that some "Bigfoot scholars" believe he's a migratory animal who moves up and down the northwest coast, passing unseen through some pretty well-inhabited areas.

Movie critic and political commentator Michael Medved believes in Bigfoot, so who am I to question? I wonder if the film I'm reviewing today convinced him. It's probably one of the finest pieces of Bigfoot scholarship, even if they don't address the theory that Bigfoots (Bigfeet?) are big hairy Ninja the likes of which exist nowhere in the world but my home of the American Northwest.

(Although I don't quite get how Bigfoot can be so stealthy when he apparently stinks worse than a Venezuelan garbage dumb in July.)


The Legend of Bigfoot (1976)
Starring: Ivan Marx and Peggy Marx
Director: Harry Winer
Rating: One of Ten Stars

This film is supposedly a documentary that chronicles a ten-year quest by a professional tracker to determine the migratory habits of Bigfoot and to acquire irrefutable film documentation of their existence. It's actually a collection of nature photography that wasn't quite good enough to make it into the PBS and Mutual of Omaha programs, intermingled with out-of-focus shots of guys in fur-suits and rubber feet.


"The Legend of Bigfoot" is crushingly dull unless you're really REALLY into Bigfoot and nature films. And even if you're really REALLY into nature films, you're going to find yourself wishing that Marx would get to some point, or that Bigfoot would rear up and eat him. At the very least, I suspect you're going to find yourself reaching for the remote so you can scan past the boring bits. What do wild pigs have to do with Bigfoot? What do Caribou hunters have to do with Bigfoot? What do "ground squirrels in love" have to do with Bigfoot? While the ground squirrels are damn cute, they have NOTHING do to with Bigfoot, yet we are treated to scenes of all the above that seem as long as the ten years Marx supposedly hunted Bigfoot. (Oh... and what self-respecting tracker drives a red VW Bug, even if it was the Seventies? And drives it into the remote central Washington back country in the middle of winter?)

Will the film make you believe in Bigfoot? Only if you can believe that someone and/or his camera crew is capable of getting crystal clear film of any living animals except the mysterious, stinky Bigfoot. As hoaxes/mocumentaries go, this is very badly done. It's far more likely that, if the film doesn't put you to sleep, it will motivate you to change the station the next time they're discussing the critter on "Coast-to-Coast AM". The theories featured in "Legend" are almost as stupid as the ones they aspouse on that show--Bigfoot as an extra-dimensional visitor is actually almost more believable than Bigfoot as migratory animal that literally moves as fast on the ground as Canada Geese fly through the air.

Supposedly, Ivan Marx--the tracker whose quest is documented in this film, and who supposedly took the blurry images of Bigfoot--was a leader in the field of Bigfoot research. I am definitely in the wrong line of work. The bar for being taken seriously in the field of Bigfoot scholarship must be seriously low, perhaps even lower than that in the field of studying scantily clad women to prove they cause earthquakes.

The people who take Bigfoot research seriously must also be very stupid, if "The Legend of Bigfoot" is the sort of material they consider valid. (Although this essay at www.bigfootencounters.com explains exactly what sort of documentarian Marx is. In brief, he's a fraud who makes Michael Moore look like Ken Burns. If "serious Bigfoot scholars" do web searches, they probably know what a piece of trash this film is.)

--
Why this film was included in the "Chilling Classics" DVD multipack--which is where I came across it--I'll never know. Perhaps someone mistook it for the Bill Rebane film known as "The Legend of Big Foot" (note the space), but never bothered to actually watch it before doing the digital transfer. Or maybe they got so bored they figured it HAD to be a Bill Rebane film. (And I apologize to Mr. Rebane for dumping on him while not even reviewing one of his movies. After all, I plenty of that here.)

The Ninja Glare

More Ninja Music. I wonder if Ninjas are into rap, or if they prefer classic Motown.